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To be bored out of my brain as a SAHM

25 replies

sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 12/10/2018 19:54

Im a single SAHM to 3 children aged 6,4 and 2 and have been for 5 years. Im so incredibly bored and lonely. Im an intelligent person (I hope) and miss using my brain. I miss work nights out and random chats and making friends. My days are spent driving to school & nursery and food shopping. I go out with the school mums once every few months and don't have many friends since I separated from my husband.
I feel so awful that Im not enjoying my children's early years anymore, it's like Ive given every piece of me to them and Im nothing other than their mum.
Ive been lucky to be a SAHM but I just dont enjoy it. AIBU?

OP posts:
sleepismysuperpower1 · 12/10/2018 20:10

is there a day where all the kids are at nursery/school? if so, maybe you could try volunteering at a local charity shop? it would make you feel like you are doing something productive, getting out the house etc.

Camomila · 12/10/2018 20:12

Do they all go to sleep reasonably early...could you do an evening class, something fun like dance or something more careery?

Camomila · 12/10/2018 20:13

I've just noticed you are single, when I was in 6th form I used to regularly babysit so a mum could go do an evening class. The toddler would already be in bed and later I'd tell the older boy to go to bed too.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 12/10/2018 20:14

I managed it for 18 months and actually thought my brain was going to turn to mush. Never again. I went back to uni and did my masters, the with second baby I went back to work when he was 4 weeks.

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 12/10/2018 20:17

I know what you mean. I'm going to look at volunteering.

KarrisWhiteOak · 12/10/2018 20:17

Been sahm for three years. I’m dying of boredom but know I’m lucky to have kids and I should be enjoying them. But it’s such a ground hog day.
So nope NBU at all.

parrotonmyshoulder · 12/10/2018 20:18

I really thought I would want to be a SAHM. I had been a teacher for many years and expected I would not want to look after other people’s children once I had my own.

After 9 months of home I was desperate to work. DS and DD are now 9 and 6 and I work full time. I am learning not to feel guilty, although I do drop back into this a lot.

I am a much better mother for it. (And definitely a much better teacher than I was).

Almostfifty · 12/10/2018 20:19

Do some volunteering. It's not all charity shops, I do voluntary work in an office and thoroughly enjoy it.

Nellyelora · 12/10/2018 20:21

I know how you feel. I've been a sahm for 3 years, now pregnant, but I can't do it for much longer. I'm retraining with a view of starting my own business when the next dc is 18 monthsish (I appreciate I'm lucky to be able to do this)

JosellaPlayton · 12/10/2018 20:25

I really admire SAHMs but it’s not for me. How about volunteering to meet some people with a view to going back to work when your youngest starts getting the state funded nursery hours (presuming you’re in the UK)?

AlpineButterfly · 12/10/2018 20:26

I find it so interesting how some enjoy, others don't. I'm home with my boys 9m and 21m and work a few hours each evening. I love it apart from the dishwasher and laundry probably mainly because I do no cleaning

OP, you need to do what you need to do to run a happy and healthy household - that includes you too.

dontknowwhattodo80 · 12/10/2018 20:28

Being a SAHM can be utterly brain numbing. I've been one for 10 years and I've got terrible itchy feet now. I started volunteering a year ago and have made a few really nice friends. I'm still looking for a small non existant term time job, but for now at least I get out and do something a bit different!

DoILookArsed · 12/10/2018 20:29

I took a years mat leave after DS1 and towards the end I was struggling with boredom and lack of money. Pregnant now with number 2 and will only take 9 months as my pay and SMP lasts that long.

DancingForTheDog · 12/10/2018 20:32

Get onto and have a look at what voluntary work is available in your area. It doesn't have to be charity shop work, there's loads of stuff out there. Also have a look at free online courses through sites such as FutureLearn. They have lots of really interesting courses you can do for free to keep the old grey matter ticking over.

SweetheartNeckline · 12/10/2018 20:40

I'm mostly a SAHM but got terrible itchy feet after about 2.5 years. I took temporary work in a cafe and left to have DC3. Now I volunteer 6 times a month at a sling library and as a breastfeeding peer supporter (just what interests me). Because it's child centric I can take DC with me - NCT / church playgroup would probably be the same. I also do online courses when the fancy takes me.

DC and I have quite a busy life too - we tend to drop elder children at school then do something until lunchtime, even just the park. I couldn't bear being at home all the time. She has quiet time or a nap eat day and I "do my work" for 20 mins - Mumsnet or reading usually.

Do you have any medium term plans to return to paid work?

beyondthebrink · 12/10/2018 21:01

I totally understand. I am a SAHM mum to a 4 and 2 year old and have been since my eldest was born. I don't hate it but I have reached a point where I feel like I do absolutely nothing for me anymore. I'm trying to hang on in there until my youngest starts nursery so I can do an access course.

Sorry I can't give you any advice but you're definitely not alone in feeling that way.

Chuggachuggatoottoot · 12/10/2018 21:09

What's wrong with charity shop work?

Thelaststand · 12/10/2018 21:10

I hear you. Five years in now. Next year is going to bring a lot of changes.

Littlecaf · 12/10/2018 21:11

I’m going back to work next week after 2nd maternity leave. Being an (albeit temporary) SAHM was, for me, deathly dull. Go find yourself an multifaceted life. Do it for your mental health and your kids health. Find a way. YANBU Good luck!

Shmithecat · 12/10/2018 21:17

Sahm for 3 years now and I'm bored AF, but I can't work where I live. Not much in the way of volunteering etc. Ds is now at preschool 5 mornings a week so I have a bit of child free time now but I cannot wait to get back to work in a few years. I'm so lucky that I didn't have to work, but will be glad to be able to again.

sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 12/10/2018 21:18

It's good to know I'm not alone and to those that enjoy it I admire you!

Alpine, I enjoyed it for the first few years and now I just feel like they're having a better time at nursery than with me because I've lost the interest in all the stuff I used to do. I used to love thinking of different play ideas and exploring various ways of learning but now it all just seems jaded. 5 years of it day in, day out I guess it makes sense that it would.

I worked in insurance before I was made redundant but to go back I'd have to do full-time :(. I'm currently studying online to work towards being a Speech and Language Therapist but what I'm doing doesn't seem to be enough for me. I think loneliness is the biggest factor and the feeling like a 'someone' too. I worked in an office environment with a lot of great people and I think I just miss the adult conversation and the friendships I made there (some of which I still have now).

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 12/10/2018 21:53

I really don't mean this in a horrible way but is there any particular reason why you have to be a SAHM?


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sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 12/10/2018 22:24

No, LucyMorningStar. It's just that I separated from my husband after 9 years in June and I have been scared to go back to work after so much change and trying to do the course I mentioned above too. My children are still adjusting to their dad not living here so I wanted to be a 'constant' for them I guess. I have applied for some jobs today though, but I'm not especially employable right now. Fingers crossed still!

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 12/10/2018 22:54

I did an OU degree when mine were small, they knew to let Mummy get on with her OU work and they were very proud to come to my graduation.

LucyMorningStar · 14/10/2018 09:58

Fingers crossed for you OP. Going to work does wonders for your mental wellbeing, hope you get your chance.

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