To have made a big deal of this?

[EvaPerron]

Braving AIBU as I need some honest feedback on this. My ds is just turned six, generally speaking a lovely boy and until tonight I thought, kind.
Tonight his class has done a little play for the parents. A girl from his class took a small but important part, she has Down's syndrome.
Tonight whilst discussing the play and telling him how well he did he asked if I understood what this little girl said. I told him I did and thought she was very good. He then launched into quite an unpleasant impression of the way she talks saying "she goes like this so you can't understand can you?"
I was quite cross/upset by this, sent him to his room then had a long talk with him which took the place of the iPad time he'd been promised. He's now really upset and my mum (who's currently here) feels that I should just have tutted a bit then moved on. So AIBU to make an issue of this? Thanks!

YANBU for telling him it was wrong but a simple explanation would have sufficed. He may not have known how offensive he was being.
If it was a regular thing then I'd have gone mad but maybe not the first time.

I think I would have done similar but tried to hide I was cross. You did the right thing if you explained that it's not nice and kind to make fun of people for any kind of differences they have and to think how he would feel if someone made fun of him.
I perhaps wouldn't have stopped all the ipad time as it sounds as if he hadn't deliberately been cruel but just immature as 6 year olds are. If after your talk he continued to do it then I would be very cross and there would be consequences
I don't think your mum's tutting and ignoring was right - surely he would never know otherwise that isn't nice

Yanbu
Hopefully he will be kinder now

I think he needed telling that he was wrong, but he didn’t need the added punishment. But a simple tut wouldn’t have been enough either.

YANBU. Worth nipping that sort of attitude in the bud. Worst thing is he's probably mirroring his peers at school :(

YANBU. Your reaction wasn't OTT. If he was reception age maybe but at six he should know what he was doing was unkind.

@hmmalittlefishy

why would you have tried to hide your crossness?

You did the right thing. He will remember it now. Perhaps he will even tell his peers not to do it as it’s nasty. Your mum is just being a drip, overly indulgent towards your son and overstepping boundaries.

YOU ARE RIGHT. and ur mother is unreasonable, trying to undermine you

I bloody hate grandparents who do that, as it is you that has got to pick up the peices

well done for pulling him up where he needed it

Thanks everybody.... had a cuddle and agreed that it'd finished now so all going to bed relatively happy. Let's hope I never see a repeat!

That was a really good thing to do! If his own mother laughed at that sort of joke what sort of lesson would he learn? You definitely did the right thing

I would have done the same. My DD’s were at primary school (& secondary) with a girl who has downs and have witnessed people taking the piss - the earlier it’s nipped in the bud the better IMO

Maybe I just went to a really rough school but stuff like this was par for the course when I was a kid. Calling people horrible names or doing impressions etc. Not saying it’s nice but most kids do it I reckon. Just tell them it’s wrong and move on.

YANBU some things are serious / important enough to warrant a firmer approach. I'd have done the same.

I think you did right OP. I did something similar when I was younger - made a comment about someone (whose condition I didn't understand) that wasn't intended to be cruel particularly but certainly wasn't a kind comment. I got an absolute bollocking and sent to my room, and I certainly thought before I spoke when making throwaway comments like that in the future. Hopefully the same will be true for your son :)

Ohyesiam it probably just works more for my dc but when they have done something and haven't meant to be mean or hurt someone's feelings they listen more if I show that I am more sad and upset with the behaviour than cross
If it's a repeat behaviour or something that they know they shouldn't do like hitting etc then of course I am cross

I'm just saying what i would do not that that is right

I might not have punished but I would have very seriously spoken to him about how very unkind he was and would have had a long very serious talk about people who are different and being kind to everyone. I think making a big deal. Of it is absolutely the right thing to do.

ERr...I think you handled it quite well, taking a firm approach and taking the opportunity to impress the importance of tolerance and being kind on your boy.
Please remember he’s only 6 though...his understanding of Down’s Syndrome will be very limited, as will his perception of inclusion, discrimination and societal attitudes towards those with disabilities. I say this as someone who works with children with disabilities, including but not restricted to Down’s Syndrome. Don’t be too harsh on him...the fact is, her speech probably is difficult to decipher and your son at 6 won’t have that impulse control that stops him blurting out what he sees.

Like I say, you handled it well. You took an opportunity to make him aware which is great...I just hope you weren’t too angry with him. He’s only wee. X

Yanbu - the world needs kinder people!

I did a similar thing with my DD when she said something about thinking a girl in her class was stupid ‘because she was brown.’ They are really good friends 12 months on.

I think you handled it really well - it's exactly what I would have done. I bet he won't do it again and I bet he has a very clear idea that what he did was wrong.

My dad is five and is asking questions about people who are disabled. If she says anything I just explain to her. I don't think it quite needed a good telling off. They don't know do they? If you explain a few times and he's still not being nice then maybe some form of punishment?

YANBU - the lesson will stick, and it’s an important lesson to learn.

I would have done exactly the same.

Sadly, he's probably picked this attitude up from others. Maybe speak to the school?

YANBU at all.