Childhood neglect, parents abandoned me, foster parents abused me. History of panic disorder and self harm but not that for a long time. Never went down the wrong path, good jobs, worked hard.
Met abusive partner, hit me, verbally abusive controlling, cheating, so at 21 kicked him out and looked after my baby myself, no family to help at all. Still worked, but was very hard.
Met new partner, had another child, ex partner hounded us for years threatening to kill us and generally causing stress. Never enough evidence to charge him. Still lives near by to see his child and causes stress. New partners family absolutely no help and new partner was constantly leaving and returning. Stressful constantly living in a perpetual state of worry, panic attacks returning.
Current partner returned at the start of the year and has been good, but I feel like the damage has taken its toll. Years of stress of raising two kids with no help, literally nothing. Maybe a neighbor to watch them on an odd occasion I had to nip out.
I've had daily panic attacks, sometimes all day. Been to hospital and doctors. Wish I could feel normal but just exhausted.
Given medication, but that just takes the edge off. Everything sets me off, my ex messaging me, my partner being next to me, one of the kids shouting. I've become so jumpy and a nervous wreck. I struggle to sleep, feel sick, can't stop feeling angry at people for being so wicked when I consider myself a kind person who treats people properly.
Sorry to go on, I just feel I've never tried to let me situations make a mess of my life and look to the bright side but years of chronic stress have ruined me. I wish I felt normal?!
I feel like I'm dying and my body is shutting down, I'm exhausted.