to want my mum in hospital with me?

[HosieG]

Visiting hours are 6-8pm.

I've been admitted because placenta is failing. Really anxious and suffer from a bad anxiety disorder which I am not medicated for at the moment. I have my own coping mechanisms.

Partners can visit all day every day but mine is at work and stationed away. He can't visit. Everyone else is sat here with a partner and I'm on my own because they won't allow parents.

I understand that partners are here because they don't want to miss the birth. Completely get that. But my mum is my birth partner as well as my partner.

Am I being unreasonable to think I should be able to have my mum with me even just when my consultant comes round? She's trained in midwifery and I like her opinion. Or should I just bite the bullet and see her 6-8?

Stressed and need someone to talk to...

YANBU!! You are allowed one person with you, I can't understand why your mum isn't allowed in if she is your birth partner? Start kicking up a fuss.

Ask if she can stay with you - you might get a nice answer. Explain she’s your partner.

Talk to the midwife and explain your situation. Best of luck OP.

She's my birth partner as well as my partner (if he can make it on time!). I just feel really so anxious sat here on my own having to ask permission for my mum to visit me. She's not here all the time. I'm a bloomin' pregnant woman in distress concerned about my baby left with my thoughts and shitty phone signal all day. Really, so stressed out.

Our Women's hospital states a Birth Partner, or support Partner.

It should be that in every hospital. It would also help vulnerable Women.

Would she state your case for you, if you can't?

this sounds absolutely bonkers. i’ve been on antenatal wards, induction wards and postnatal wards far too often in my 2 pregnancies and you’re always allowed 1 named visitor all day (in my hospital it’s always 9-9) that visitor can be anybody!

what about ladies that don’t have partners, are they just meant to be in their own all day?! please ask again if you can have your mum for support. maybe they are misunderstanding you and think you want 2 people there?

My partner was away when I was admitted and had my first child. My mum was allowed to be my birth partner and visit as a birth partner would. Ask them and explain the situation.

Talk to the midwife, explain the situation and ask. There are many reasons why a woman's partner may not be able to be there - my SIL very sadly lost her husband (my brother) while she was pregnant, this certainly didn't mean that she wasn't to have anyone on the ward with her, people are stationed overseas/at a distance, needed to look after children etc. Please please speak to the midwives, and request that your Mum is allowed in as your support, as your partner is not able to be there.

honestly i’d be making such a fuss about this. there’s no way you should have to be alone all day just because your partners away. it’s a stressful time and you need support. can you stand up for yourself? can you explain your anxiety disorder and say how much it’s going to affect you bring alone? honestly i can’t see any reason why you can’t have your mum!

That doesn't seem fair. What about single mums too?!

I’d ask the next time the midwives aredoinh the rounds on how they define partner. I’ve just come out of hospital after having my baby and there were posters throughout the ward letting people know the responsibility of partners if they were to stay on the ward 24/7 if they decided to, but the at the bottom referred to either birthing partner or mothers partner.

My friend is a single mum and her mum was allowed to be there at partners visiting times.

Have you actually asked OP? What did they say? If not- you may be getting in a stew over something that is easily sorted. It's common sense that your Mum should be with you.
Hope everything goes ok for you.

Tell them that your DM is your birth partner and you want her with you.
If they refuse just mention PALS.
If they still refuse then contact PALS and get a complaint logged.
They will sort it out for you.

did you ask?

YANBU
You’re allowed one support person there, if your OH can’t be there it is absolutely appropriate that your mum should be instead.

Yanbu, due to your circumstances please insist.

I don’t see why they shouldn’t let you have your mum there in place of your partner under the circumstances. Have they explicitly refused or have you not asked?

Have you actually asked OP?

YANBU should be one guest per patient regardless of relationship. What about women who don't have a partner?

I was with my DD when her DH could not manage to be in the hospital. I didn't ask and no=one said No. If they had said No I would have said I was standing in for DD's DH as he had to work. See if your DM will come in and try to see if they will accept her in place of DH

Tell the hospital she’s your lesbian lover!!