To say no to this change in arrangements?

[Bishbashbish]

My ds is going to an event with his friend tonight. Ds is 12 and this is his first time going to this public event without me or dh going too. His friends parents are picking ds up, dropping ds and friend at event, collecting them later and dropping ds back home.
All fine.
I get a text this morning from the friends mum, saying how her ds and my ds have arranged for their ‘friend’ to join them tonight. Now this ‘friend’ has form for bullying my ds. It’s all been recorded at school. My ds has years of verbal abuse from this ‘friend’ eg calling him retarded and a fat cunt. Gradually, this has lessoned. But my ds does not view this ‘friend’ as a friend!
I replied saying that I wasn’t okay with the change in arrangement, that I’d take my ds separately but not to worry, it wasn’t her fault. Friends mum knows the backstory re bullying.
Friends mum then rang ‘friends’ mum to say her ds couldn’t come because I wasn’t happy with the change in arrangements.
So the arrangements are back as they were.
I think I was right.. but I feel mean.
My ds is over the moon that ‘friend’ now isn’t going. He didn’t tell his friend that he didn’t want ‘friend’ to go as he thought he’d be being mean.
Gah, so awkward.
Oh and did I mention ‘friend’ is our next door neighbours son???!!!

YANBU and it doesn’t matter that the bully is your neighbour’s son, if he behaves like that he has to learn that people won’t want to be friends and he will miss out.

Tough! On the bully that is!

But keep an eye out for any snide retaliation. Tell your son to be open and honest with you as it was you who made the decision not him... and that you will deal with any fall out.

And then be prepared to do just that! NDN will just have to realise that her DSs past behaviour has consequences.

I told him, if ‘friend’ says anything just shrug it off and say ‘oh I don’t know what went on, it was the mums sorting the arrangements out’

I’d clarify with the mum for future reference that your DS has no contact with the neighbours son due to past bullying, and if he is ever invited again your DS won’t be attending. Just in case she pulls this sort of stunt again.

If NDN asks.. she’ll get a slightly more honest answer

That all seem reasonable

YANBU.
If course you son would be uncomfortable going to an event with some one who picks in him relentlessly. You have nothing to feel bad about.
And ndn should hang her head she has raised a bully.

You’ve done the right thing.

I think you did absolutely the right thing

Sounds perfectly handled to me

Thank you. I’ve been feeling sorry for ‘friend’. Having to give myself a talking to about that. Still feel a bit mean though and know that this will have only worsened relationships with ndn. But ndn, wasn’t bothered about our neighbourly relations when her ds was being so vile to mine. It was very much a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude. Well, my boy doesn’t go around calling people fat cunts. And woe betide him if he did. I’d be utterly mortified. And I’d make the link of why people didn’t want my ds hanging out with theirs. But I don’t think she’ll make that connection.