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Resentment growing - help!

3 replies

serenawren · 11/10/2018 16:32

Hi all, need your opinion on this... tell me if I'm being childish and I need to get a grip, I know I can only see my point of view here and it may mean I have missed the bigger picture.

I’ll give you a bit of background; we have a 7 month old baby and live in the Middle East. We recently got married in Italy as we thought it was a good in-between point for our friends here and our friends and family back home. We booked the wedding and a few months later found out I was pregnant, a happy surprise! We had paid the deposit for the venue so decided to go ahead with the wedding anyway. We hired a babysitter for the wedding night and then MIL kindly offered to take DS for the rest of the night specifically saying that she wouldn't be partying any later than that anyway.

However, on the day of the wedding when midnight came, MIL was obviously not ready at all to leave the party. I went to the room and asked the babysitter if it was possible for her to stay an extra hour to which she agreed, but said she couldn’t stay any later after 1. MIL made it very clear she wasn’t going to baby sit and at this point, my boss from work heard the conversation and decided he and his wife would go and babysit for the rest of the night. They insisted and they weren’t taking any of my protests. So they ended up looking after my DS till the next morning. I was absolutely mortified!

We then had a couple of days after the wedding where we all spent some time together before heading back to the Middle East and UK respectively. During that whole time, MIL barely spoke to us, barely spent any time with her grandson (our DS). She instead chose to run around after her other grandchildren who she sees every day as they live round the corner from her.
At first, I thought we might have done something to upset her, but ever since we’ve been home, she’s been raving about what an amazing time she had and what a perfect holiday it’s been. Up until this point, I’ve had a great relationship with her.

My AIBU is that she has now invited herself to spend Christmas with us. I’ve just found out that my DH’s brothers and sisters haven’t invited her to spend it with them as they’ve chosen to have their own family time together. I’ve asked DH that he would need to speak to her before she comes to find out exactly what happened and why she pretty much blanked us on the whole trip. I just need to know why she acted the way she did! DH is refusing to speak to her and he's telling me not to bring it up. (they’re the type of family where they prefer to keep things bottled up instead of having open and frank convos like I do with my family). He says that he doesn’t want to upset her and make a big deal out of it and that he thinks he’s sure she didn’t mean any harm and it’s all water under the bridge now. But I can’t let it slide and I feel like I’d say something I’d regret if I kept it bottled up.

AIBU for thinking DH is putting his mum’s feelings above mine? I just feel so angry and let down; I spent my whole wedding night worrying about DS and then cringing afterwards about the fact that my boss ended up cutting his night short to baby sit after travelling all that way to celebrate with us.
If she had just apologised and told us that she didn’t want to miss out on the party, I would’ve been ok with that. But the fact that she didn’t make any effort to spend any time at all with DS throughout the whole trip just really upset me and now she wants to spend Christmas with us because neither of my DH's brother or sister have invited her. Now it’s turned into a massive barney with DH and I don’t know what to do. Help!

OP posts:
Mybackhurts1 · 11/10/2018 19:20

She was very unreasonable not to babysit when she had promised she would. However, what’s done is done and I think you should now let it slide. Let her come for xmas and spend time with your ds as she obviously didn’t see much of him at the wedding. I’d be annoyed too but it’s not worth causing an argument over with your husband. That said just remember this incident in future and maybe have back up plans when she has promised something, as she now has form for letting you down.

Aprilislonggone · 11/10/2018 19:25

Imo just married and with a dc is the ideal time to start your own traditions your own way.
In your own home without any guests.
No way should your Christmas be spent too toeing around a mil who is higher in your dh's mind than his dw!!
Remind him who he made his vows to!!
Proper gives me the rage, men who won't stick up for their dw's!!

serenawren · 12/10/2018 05:08

Thanks for replying, my post ended up being longer than I thought!

Your opinions are the exact two thoughts that keep running through my mind! This isn't the first time DH has taken his mum's side with things.

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