To not make my son go to his dad's?

[GraceyO]

My son is 13 and enjoys his weekends gaming. He also enjoys his evenings (after finishing his homework) gaming. He has a headset (where he talks to his friends) so I don't view it as a problem.

His dad has got a bit sad/angry that he no longer wants to go to his house. I've told him that we should leave it up to our son to decide. He says that's unreasonable as if his gaming gear was at his house, he'd rather be there. I did suggest it moves to his house then (for the weekends at his dad's) but DS says absolutely not as he likes it in the evening.

Apparently I'm a shit parent, also, for not limiting his time, which will then ultimately force him to go to his dad's.

I'm unsure if I'm in the wrong here.

YABVU and I think this could have long lasting effects on his relationship with his Dad

Unless we're about to get a huge dripfeed about your ex being a child molesting BNP supporting drug addict then yeh YABU. That poor dad

If it's a PS4/Xbox or laptop then take it to Dad's house. Wanting to game is not a good enough reason not to go to his Dad's house.

How many hours a day does he play? My son plays daily but has to be time restricted.

Can his Dad afford a gaming console? My ex has bought a PS4 for his house which ds uses.

Why can't he take his console and headset with him? They are very portable, I always take my ps4 if I'm going to stay at my parents for a weekend.

I still think that is gaming is his hobby and clearly something he enjoys then he should be able to access it at his father's house too.

If I was made to go somewhere without any books or yarn, I wouldn't want to go either.

His father needs to allow him to access his hobbies, then parent him with regards to time limits, like every other parent has to do.

ProfessorMoody

If the DS is going to spend all of his time on gaming at the DF's house then what is the point of him going?
Where is the quality time?

and OP if you are allowing him to spend all of his free time gaming then you are a poor parent.

Throw the game console in the bloody bin and let your child live a life.

YABU and I agree with his dad, by allowing him to do nothing other than homework and gaming you are being a bit of a shit parent. Your son is 13, you need to be setting boundaries and expectations.

Absolutely YABU. Unless there are other issues around his relationship with his Dad?

It is not unusual for teens to prioritise gaming above all else. They're stupid and don't understand the impact it can have on their lives. It's our role as parents to make sure there's a balance and having a relationship with his Dad should definitely be a priority over gaming.

I'd take whatever console he has away until he agrees to limit his time on it.

BoneyBack, sorry but can you read?

I clearly said he should be able to access his hobbies at his father's, and that then it was down to him to apply time limits like other parents have to do.

Your son spends every night gaming and all weekend??? You can not be serious about this. How very unhealthy and what very lazy parenting from you.

I was prepared to say YANBU if his father shows little interest in him but if its just because he wants to sit inside on a computer talking to christ knows who then you are being very unreasonable.

Your son is massively going to struggle if you don't get him out there and actually living in the real world. Great partner and employee he is going to make.

ProfessorMoody

Can you not understand how the "hobby" will affect the limited time at his dads?

Yabvu. Put yourself in his dad's shoes, I'm sure you'd be very upset if you never saw your son.

That's up to his Dad to time then, isn't it?

If DH and I separated and he had him EOW, DS' entire Saturday is taken up with his two hobbies. There's no way DS would want to give them up - they're a huge part of his life, so DH would have to accept that as part of his parenting.

ProfessorMoody

But the dad here has made what he wants clear, yet you want him to have the inevitable 'but mum lets me play' arguments ending in the teenage 'I hate you' statements.

The OP is not co-parenting by letting the ds play games all evening and weekend and denying the child reasonable time with his father.

Oh I completely agree that the OP shouldn't let him play games as he pleases.

ProfessorMoody

apologies, I appear to be in quite a bad mood so I am stepping away from the keyboard before I do something even more silly.

Yabu. You are raising him to become addicted to gaming if he isn't already. That is an issue and will grow as he gets older. You and your ex need to speak about this and jointly enforce boundries for weekdays and weekends.

He needs to go to his dad and get out the house.

Don't apologise! Gaming is a great hobby to have, but it can be addictive and that needs to be tackled.

I think we are going to have this problem soon. Dsd is addicted to fortnite. Her mum says she tells her she doesn't want to come to ours as we don't let her play it. Not true, we just make sure her time is filled up with other stuff to do as a family and she's allowed on it for an hour or two a day here. Her mum let's her play all the time. No chores, no responsibilities, no clubs. Just gaming. (Shes 11.5) It's not really going to set her up in life is it.