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Having a wedding reception 30 miles away from the ceremony?

84 replies

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:14

Opinions please...

I am really hating wedding planning. We don't have a lot of money to spare, and families aren't helping us, so we really don't want to go wild. I have a somewhat difficult past with my family, and try and limit visits with them to 3-4 times a year, so we wanted to do a 'just the two of us' wedding, but this created a lot of upset from some family members when they started questioning us about our plans. This really pissed me off, as people assumed they would be invited, and then started making comments when I said there would be no fancy do, disco etc. We decided we would do it in a registry office as this is considerably cheaper than hiring a venue and spending £500 on top for the attendance of the registrar.

There's a registry office about 15 miles away, but it's literally just a bleak office block and not really somewhere I wanted to get married in. The other choice was 30 miles away, in a nice old manor house with picturesque gardens, so we booked this one.

In terms of a reception, we thought it would be easiest to go to a pub (much to the chagrin of my father, who again, thinks it should be something posh), as we will only have about 15 guests. However, after having checked out the area and been to a few locals, they're all quite busy, run down, and just not what we want in terms of food.

We've decided we would rather go to our favourite country pub near where we live, which we love. The food is nice, it has a nice garden, and it's our day, so why not?

Is it too much to ask people to drive 30 miles after the ceremony to go to the pub? My family already looks down on me for not hiring an expensive hotel, so I'm thinking of telling them they don't have to come if they don't want to. The whole thing is getting me down a bit, it doesn't feel like our day anymore!

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 11/10/2018 15:17

I was ready to say YABU, but in the circumstances I say: go for it! Your families sound like a right pain in the arse. Go for the venue you prefer and congratulations on your wedding!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 11/10/2018 15:19

Is it too much to ask people to drive 30 miles after the ceremony to go to the pub?

Some people will say that's fine but truthfully if you are only having 15 guests cant you not stretch to a minibus to take them from the venue to the pub?

I assume the pub is local to where they live so then they can make their own way home after the meal?

NorthernRunner · 11/10/2018 15:20

I didn’t do what I wanted and it’s made the whole day a really sad memory. It’s awful to look back on a day and think I only did that to please them. Please don’t do that!! Book what you want and have no regrets x

Stonebake · 11/10/2018 15:20

Why don’t you just have a couple of people (the ones who insist) at the ceremony and (most normal people who don’t care enough to force you into a big do) the rest can join you at the reception venue? Make it optional to come to ceremony.

Your family sound a total pita too. Is there no way you can get out of it?

Daisymalone · 11/10/2018 15:20

Do your wedding your way, stop listening to what your family want--it's your day, not theirs. Tbh though as a guest I would hate having to drive 30 miles between the ceremony and venue, it breaks up the day and means people won't be able to have drinks etc whole you have photos.

Dragon3 · 11/10/2018 15:20

Why don't you book the pub and elope a few weeks in advance for a 'just the two of you' wedding'? Your family can join you for a pub celebration on the day planned. It doesn't sound like you will be able to please everybody in this situation, so I wouldn't try.

MacosieAsunter · 11/10/2018 15:20

Well, split the difference ….. get married at your nice venue (does the manor house offer a meal as well?) and ask your witnesses to go with you, tell everyone else to meet you at the pub, 90 mins later.

Sparklesocks · 11/10/2018 15:21

Is there an option to put on transport between the two?

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:25

A minibus wouldn't work as neither the ceremony or the pub are near where everyone lives

OP posts:
Stonebake · 11/10/2018 15:27

Book the pub and elope is another fab idea.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 11/10/2018 15:30

neither the ceremony or the pub are near where everyone lives

Eep how far are we talking? I appreciate some of your family are being pains but having to do a lot of driving to get to each part of the wedding is pretty frustrating.

It is however your day so you need to do what is best for you. Honestly though I would probably have a slight grumble at having to drive to the registry office and then do a 30 mile drive to the pub and then not even being able to have a celebratory drink because I have to drive some distance to get home again.

MissLingoss · 11/10/2018 15:31

If I was invited, I'd probably go to the ceremony or the reception, whichever location was most convenient to me, but not both.

Could you see how much it would cost for the wedding venue to offer a glass of wine, coffee and nibbles after the ceremony, before people either leave, or travel on to the reception??

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:33

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone The pub is 30 miles north from the register office, and my parents live 30 odd miles east, while his family live 30 odd miles west. If that makes sense

OP posts:
UnderMajorDomoMinor · 11/10/2018 15:34

Tbh op even the 15miles to registry office, 30miles to pub sounds like a compromise you’re not really that happy to make. Are you sure you want to do it this way? Spending the day driving round with a judgemental dad in tow doesn’t sound very celebratory. How would you do it if you weren’t considering others?

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:35

@MissLingoss the register office charges about £400 extra for us and 15 guests to have a glass of prosecco after the ceremony, which seems ridiculous

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teaandtoast · 11/10/2018 15:36

Minibus(es) from your house > ceremony > pub > your house, is what I was going to say, but it's a bit of a faff.

Could the manor house put on a reception?

teaandtoast · 11/10/2018 15:37

X-post. That's steep!

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:38

@teaandtoast they do 4 hour receptions, but it costs £1400 to hire the venue, plus catering which quoted me around £2k.

OP posts:
itbemay · 11/10/2018 15:38

i would get married in the registry office alone then meet everyone at the pub?! if relatives really want to go to registry office they will. its your day, do what you want x

Stonebake · 11/10/2018 15:39

I’d change the ceremony venue tbh. Or do what you actually want to do. What is that? If nobody else was involved other than you and your fiancé, what would you do?

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 11/10/2018 15:41

I think I would make the registry office optional and the pub the thing they are invited to. Then if they want to go the extra length to come to the ceremony they can’t clsim/complain you made them drive all over the place. Tbh I think they’re being miserable. If it was my child I’d be happy then we’re doing what they wanted and more than happy to pay for my own taxis around the place.

whatwillbewillbe03 · 11/10/2018 15:42

In all honesty i would elope and have the wedding you want. You really should not be made to feel like you have to please everyone else on YOUR wedding day.

I have contemplated just having a wedding with very few people and then tell everyone at a party that we are now married.


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Thundercracker · 11/10/2018 15:42

How long does it take to travel the 30 miles (and does everyone have a car?)? Half an hour down the motorway a bit of a pain but ok; an hour on 30mph roads, no thank you.

chocolateorange7 · 11/10/2018 15:43

About 45 minutes @Thundercracker

OP posts:
StompyDino · 11/10/2018 15:45

I had a tiny registry office wedding and did exactly what we wanted (fish and chips after ceremony!). My only regret is inviting DH’s brother and wife at MIL’s insistence as they were rude and ignorant - do things how you want them, sod the family members who aren’t nice to you. DH agrees completely and often comments that he is glad we did things that way instead of wasting a load of money we don’t have.

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