To think kissing on the lips is unacceptable

[darkblu]

I have a friend who frequently kisses my young baby on the lips. It's happened since he was tiny and I was always so shocked and uncomfortable but stupidly didn't say anything at the time. I don't see her much (and probably will try to not see her at all! But will be hard as there's a group of us who met a similar way). She also gets her two young children to kiss other kids and adults on the lips to say goodbye and seems to think it's cute! (They are always gross and snotty, another thing that makes me angry as I see it it's out of order to even visit a new baby when someone has a cold).
I dunno maybe IABU but I'm just so mad! I'm so annoyed I didn't say anything as well it makes me feel like a shit mum that I didn't step up because I was embarrassed

Am I over reacting? Does anyone have any suggestions to tackle it? What would you do/have done in that scenario? X

YANBU. If any of them has a cold sore, or the herpes virus (cold sore doesn't have to be active) then they can pass it on to your baby. Be firm and tell her that it is not acceptable to kiss your baby like this.

I wouldn’t want to kiss a drooling baby on the lips - or pucker up for a non-formula kiss!!

YANBU but instead of never seeing her again why not just ask her not to?

Thanks guys.
@Feellikeimthemaid you are so right thank you. I just need to say it calmly and surely she won't be too offended and also I know I shouldn't care.

@AuntBeastie I know I should, it's because I'm a whimp and need to 'man up' not sure why I get so awkward in these situations!

This is a bit black and white with some people.

I am 100% in the only my sexual partner kisses me on the lips camp. Anything else is weird weirdy weird.

But since you get to set the norm for your family tell her to stop.

Funnily enough I'm on the other end of the spectrum in terms of nudity. I think it's fine. I know that some people the responses would be flipped, but since she has plenty of other spots to kiss your baby if the urge seizes her, just tell her not to.

I think YANBU but mumsnet seems to generally go down the "it's cute" route. I think it's weird.

I do t do it but it would t bother me too much - especially if it’s someone I don’t see a lot.
I have to say though if a child with snot caterpillars tried to plant one on me I’d have to make some kind of excuse about having a cold sore on the way or something 🤮

I don't agree with you at all re kissing on the lips and find it weird when people say it's inappropriate. But it's your baby your rules, so if you want to enforce a no kissing on the lips rule you have every right to. If I were your friend I'd think you were a numpty but would 100% comply.

YANBU OP! I don't kiss my own children on the lips - it wasn't something I planned it just never felt right for me to do it so I'd be pretty horrified if someone else tried it. I completely understand about not being able to speak up, I also get awkward in these types of scenarios and berate myself afterwards for not having the courage to stand up for my child.

Next time she tries it tell her gently but firmly "please don't kiss him on the lips, it's too weird for me/I'm worried about passing germs around/ don't want him to get coldsores/ we're teaching him about body autonomy" or something to that effect? Have the response practiced beforehand so your confident in how you want to say it.

Agree with PP about cold sores ( herpes virus). I think once you get it you cant get rid. I certainly wouldn't be allowing anyone to kiss my baby on the lips! Urgh I only kiss my husband on the lips , even that isn't very often! I've seen people with severe cold sores when they have been ill, it can be awful.

I don't agree with you at all re kissing on the lips and find it weird when people say it's inappropriate.

Do you kiss everyone on the lips? Friends, colleagues, teenagers? Old people?

What do you get out of kissing on the lips that you don't get out of kissing on say, the cheek, or forehead or hands?

Genuinely curious - as I say, I only kiss sexual partners on the lips. Kissing on the lips is a precursor to sexual pairings both socially and biologically - it stimulates, and indeed assesses sexual compatibility. Ever had a kiss and not been able to put your finger on why you didn't enjoy it? Well it's because when the person you kiss is a good or bad genetic match for you, you perceive the kiss to be better or worse accordingly.

I'm not saying that people who kiss babies on the lips are sexual predators, but it has a sexual function, and I don't "get" how that isn't obvious.

I kiss my own kids on the lips but would never kiss anyone else’s. Nor would I want non relatives kissing mine on the lips

Weird.
I kiss my h on the lips and also my dc. But nobody else.
You could say for now, don’t kiss baby it’s flu season? Avoid the lips issue. I didn’t even kiss my own dc on the lips when they were tiny babies due to the herpes risk, even though I’ve never had a cold sore.,

I kiss my own kids on the lips, it’s not full on snogging how ridiculous to say it’s a precursor to sex! I give DH a peck on the lips as well to say hi or bye.

That said OP, I wouldn’t kid anyone else or their kids on the lips (although some kids do just go for you like that) and if you’re uncomfortable just ask her not to.

But it's your baby your rules, so if you want to enforce a no kissing on the lips rule you have every right to. If I were your friend I'd think you were a numpty but would 100% comply.

My midwives told me never to let anyone kiss baby on the lips because it spreads disease. I don't think caution is numptyish tbh.

@peakydante thank you it's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling that way (it sucks!) I like the idea of practicing saying it and will before/if I see her again. Thank you x

Guys I am so paranoid about cold sores and I know she gets them!!! Though wasn't showing any signs. Seriously who does that!!! Who kisses other peoples kids on the lips I'm getting more annoyed the more I think of it.

And encourages their kids to kiss others on the lips. I'm going to have to get over myself and just say it straight to her.
Then if she's embarrassed (I know she will be) then she's embarrassed and there's nothing I can do!
Thanks for the advice x