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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To REALLY be sitting on my hands re bitchy women and #mentalhealthawarensss day?!

49 replies

DiamondMine · 10/10/2018 18:57

Honestly, today I have seen so many women posting all these ‘Be kind, always.’ And ‘It’s okay not to be okay.’ etc memes on social media with the hashtag #mentalhealthawarenessday. And I have REALLY had to bite my tounge as some of these women really are just the bitchiest, horrible women who I know are regularly unkind about or horrible to people!

Has anyone else experienced this today?!

OP posts:
SweetheartNeckline · 10/10/2018 20:58

I think MH issues are such a difficult thing to shed light on. Sometimes you do have to walk away or distance yourself from a friend or family member with MH problems for your own health, or to prioritise your own children. I have a friend with complex MH issues and I cannot get any more involved than I am - I don't owe her anything, and her MH issues do make her behave in ways which are upsetting to me.

Obviously those that are openly foul to employees or lack any kind of compassion are hypocrites for sharing those sort of memes, but if they are so vile, why are they your FB "friends"?!

I think sharing informative posts with phone numbers to access support and data normalising mental health issues can only be a positive thing.

Sethis · 10/10/2018 21:06

To be fair this isn't restricted to MHA day, it's applicable to pretty much any facebook viral crap.

Natural disasters are one example. People marking themself as "Safe" when I damn well know they don't live anywhere near that part of the country.

Another is changing your FB picture using a filter in support of... terror attack victims. The "Je suis Charlie" thing. Why are you virtue signalling over something that upsets you somewhat less than finding that you've missed the bus, and only slightly more than having to go to the kitchen to get a fresh bottle of wine?

That's given me an idea. Wonder if I can make a filter bemoaning dropping my full toenail clippers on a deep pile carpet, and have it go viral? I think it could work, honestly.

Mumberjack · 10/10/2018 21:09

If the persons fb timeline is 50% ‘raise awareness, be kind’ and the other 50% is passive aggressive shite about karma, it’s a fair assumption they don’t give a shit about others’ mental health but are just jumping on the bandwagon.

FallenIvy · 10/10/2018 21:13

I have to sit on my hands when I see women referred to as 'bitchy' constantly

Constantly? What are you reading /hearing for it to be constant?

Some women are bitchy, I've met a few in my time. What would you rather call them?

PixieCutRegret · 10/10/2018 21:13

Oh yes, I've got one of these on my timeline. She told me only attention seekers get PND.

I would defridefriend her but she's a relative I feel obliged to keep the peace with....

GunpowderGelatine · 10/10/2018 21:17

I have to sit on my hands when I see women referred to as 'bitchy' constantly

Me too. If men Male the same comments everyone thinks they're hilarious rather than bitchy.

But I agree about the mental health thing. I used to work for a local council and one of the councillors was a nasty vile bully who drove more than one person to leave or go on sick with work-related stress. At his worst he shouted in my face because I used the term 'very unique' in a statement I wrote for him. He also once reduced a librarian to tears because she didn't know he was the cabinet member for libraries (no one fucking cares) and he went berserk. He was also shagging behind his disabled wife's back. Honestly if his death was reported I'd think 'good' not sorry

He tweeted several times today about MH awareness day, and the importance of speaking up. I think he has a fucking nerve and I can't quite believe the cheek of him. If I was a braver woman I would reply to his tweets

TheFuckfaceWhisperer · 10/10/2018 21:19

I actually said on my post today about all these people that share quotes and say talk to someone etc but they just do it for likes and appearances and the reality is completely different

userlotsanumbers · 10/10/2018 21:19

yes, I have to say the one woman I know who is the absolute worst at being respectful of others MH issues, extra needs, others needs for general understanding etc, the one woman who is a major source of trouble and bullying of others, has been off the scale today, raising my awareness of her kindness to others at every hour on Facebook.

Karma sure isn't the only bitch in my village. She's proper got on my tits with it.

Boyskeepswinging · 10/10/2018 21:20

This makes me think of my MIL who has a plaque in her house saying something along the lines of "Spread happiness wherever you go". Just wish she'd taken some notice of it instead of making my life a living hell when my DS was little. I now keep her at arm's length so she can't stab me in the back.

BalthazarImpresario · 10/10/2018 21:33

Yep some people in mine who are posting only want others to be there for them, when you go through your own stuff and either limit what you can give them or require some support they run a mile....

I've moved on from these people irl (recently) and I think social media is the next step

seeyouhen · 10/10/2018 21:34

Me too. If men Male the same comments everyone thinks they're hilarious rather than bitchy

Everyone? No-one thinks they're just an arsehole or a cunt?

JuliaSevern · 10/10/2018 21:38

It would be ok if men were called bitchy if they behaved in exactly the same way, but they aren't.

FabulousTomatoes · 10/10/2018 21:40

Yes. Funnily enough I find the virtue signallers to be the worst. I think they’re too narcissistic to see their own faults so have no idea how at odds their preaching on social looks to those who know their real life persona!

FabulousTomatoes · 10/10/2018 21:41

And that comment isn’t directed at just women ^

SussexMedley · 10/10/2018 21:56

But isn't part of the issue the fact that mental health problems do often make someone unpleasant to be around?

Jux · 10/10/2018 21:56

In the case of bitches, then surely if it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck and acts like a duck then it's a dog, presumably? Wink

Pissedoffdotcom · 10/10/2018 21:57

if men make the same comments everyone thinks they're hilarious rather than bitchy

Do you know everyone on the planet? Pretty sure many a person has called a male a bitch/told them they are bitchy!!

SemperIdem · 10/10/2018 21:59

Yanbu!

I find it galling seeing some posts because I know the people behind them are absolute cunts.

Sethis · 10/10/2018 22:00

It would be ok if men were called bitchy if they behaved in exactly the same way, but they aren't.

Because generally speaking, they don't. That might be why.

Example: Bullying in secondary school

My experience with my male peers: Fights, shoving, physical harassment, blanking, sabotage of personal property or equipment, verbal taunts

My sisters experience with her female peers: lies about her personal life, friendship sabotage, fake invitations to non-existent events, verbal taunts, social isolation, some mild physical harassment

Girls and boys do not employ identical methods to demonstrate hostility against peers. Because "bitchy" encompasses a whole range of adjectives and verbs that, when combined, paint a very specific picture. That collective concept summarised in the adjective "bitchy" is far more commonly displayed by females than males. However when a male DOES display that exact behavioural pattern, I've certainly heard them be called bitchy. I've done it myself, generally with the subtext that a man shouldn't behave like that - he should confine himself to the statutory socially acceptable male methodology.

What synonym would you use to replace the adjective "bitchy" that retains the full meaning and concept of the term? Or would you keep the term and simply object to its use to describe a girl or a woman, and only allow it to be used to describe men?

JuliaSevern · 11/10/2018 09:48

As I've already said i would be fine with the word being used if it was also used about men when they behave identically but where i disagree with you is that I don't believe it is as unusual for men/boys to behave in such a way as you do and i believe it is pretty rare for identical behaviour in a man to be described as bitchy. If where you live men are called bitchy when they behave like that or make verbal taunts then I'm very pleased to hear it and i wish it would spread to other areas of the country and to mumsnet!

JuliaSevern · 11/10/2018 10:18

There are loads of negative names that are used to describe women but not men. Slag, tart, gossip, bitch. Someone even made a list of them
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/ambitious-frigid-and-frumpy-25-words-we-only-use-to-describe-wom/amp/

DiamondMine · 11/10/2018 10:21

Talk about derailing a thread Hmm

OP posts:
JuliaSevern · 11/10/2018 10:32

Why are you friends with people who you describe just the bitchiest, horrible women who I know are regularly unkind about or horrible to people!

Wherearemycarkeys · 11/10/2018 15:08

The whole 'be kind' social media fashion is just generally crap. It's all about people pretending to be lovely when half the time,like you said, the people posting them are by far the meanest/bitchiest/most unfriendly people I've ever met. It's just bizarre.

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