My mother isn't speaking to me...

[Luciferthethird]

Long but didn't want to drop feed.
My sister is a trainee hairdresser and lives with me 4 days a week so she can do her hairdressing course, the rest of the time she lives with her BF a 2.5 hr drive away

She can't live with our mum because DM recently got back together with her husband who mentally abused my ds during her teenage years.
Yesterday my mum watched my children for me for an hour so I could go to my son's parent teacher meeting. Earlier in the day i treated my DSis and DM to lunch and then DM wanted my DSis to blow dry her hair so we went back to my home where DSis washed and Blowdried DMs hair. ( although I was only told this was happening when we got there) I felt like I couldn't say no because i needed her to watch the dc's

Later in the evening i was empting the dishwasher and had to leave halfway through to sort something with my Dson upstairs. When I came back down neither of them took it upon themselves to empty it, thought at least my sister who lives here might of.

I came home from the supermarket today with DD only to find my dsis had set up my mother in the kitchen ready to trim her hair which I've told her before my home is not a salon and if you want it done do it elsewhere. There were dishes on the counter, there was a mess in my bathroom that they hadn't tidied and I just said no this is not happening here do it in your own home or a salon not here. My dsis then finished drying dm's hair and they both left with out a word. Was I really being unreasonable why should i have to tidy up after the pair of them this is my home.

When you let your sister stay with you did you set ground rules on her helping out? After all she must have visited you a few times for a long time so showed her name nature. If not then having grown up with her then you shouldn't be surprised with her not helping out.

Your mother is a law on to herself and you simply don't want to go there.

She helps me get the little ones ready in the morning and helps tidy. She's not even the issue it's more my mum.

Unless there’s a bigger back story here I think you are being a bit unreasonable. I wouldn’t expect anyone else to unload my dishwasher, although it would have been a nice gesture if they did. Does your sis usually pull her weight when she’s staying with you?

I’d be a bit annoyed if people turned up when my house was a mess but I think your reaction is a bit dramatic. Surely she’d have swept up the hair afterwards? (If not then she is CF although I still don’t think warrants a row)

I couldn’t get wound up about this.

But of course there’s a backstory which will change things.

So you forgave your dm for the abuse to ds?

I would have reacted in the same way as you OP.

If they had cleared away the stuff in the kitchen first to limit the damage - hair gets EVERYWHERE - then I might have allowed it. They way they were going about it was making it obvious they were taking advantage of you.

As with April, I would not forgive her for allowing my sister to be abused.

Meh I I've a mobile hairdresser do four of us in the kitchen and the hair got no further than the floor which is easily brushed.

I think you were being unreasonable unless she's taking the piss in other ways.

Well the sisters obviously forgiven her so why shouldn't the OP?

There is a long backstory and I've barely forgiven my mother, she is not allowed my dc on her own nor are they allowed into her home.
I think it was more because I'd said before i didn't want DM having her hair done at mine, at the end of the day she has her own home and it's her own doing that DSIS can't go there to do it.

Sorry i meant to say she's not allowed my dc out outside of my home on her own.