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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move him to another team?

28 replies

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 12:41

DS 10 Y6 has been with his football club for 3 years. Not boasting at all but he has been the top goal scorer for the last two as he is the striker. At the end of last season the two managers of the same year group teams decided that it made sense to merge the two teams as it would be difficult to find more players for each team. The problem with this is that we would have 15 players so some would be left out each week or subbed, although we were assured that they would be rotated.

I still had reservations but ultimately it’s his game and since around 80% of the team go to the same school he wanted to stay.

We are now a couple of months in and it is becoming clear that the head coach is showing favouritism towards his original teams players when allocating game time/subs etc despite saying this wouldn’t happen. The real concern is that when ds plays if he fails to score he is taken off. This is beginning to really affect his confidence, and his play since he’s worrying about not scoring 😔

So what would you do? My choice would be to move him but l know he will say he wants to stay but l also know if this continues his self esteem will start to deteriorate quickly!

Sometimes l really hate football 😡 He plays other sports and we just don’t get the same egotistical coaches who are all about the winning at all cost!

OP posts:

MacosieAsunter · 10/10/2018 12:42

Ask him what he wants to do

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 12:49

Mac l have... he wants to stay, but know my son and it’s already affecting him 😔

OP posts:

MemoryOfSleep · 10/10/2018 12:51

Have you tried having a word with the coach to put across your point of view? Maybe the mums of other kids from your son's original team would join you?

wurzelburga · 10/10/2018 13:20

I think at this age football (and other sports) should be all about skills development rather than just playing and winning matches.
You say your DS was a top scorer because he was the striker and that this is putting him under pressure. Tbh it makes no sense to pigeonhole boys at this stage. Could he move position and play in the midfield or as a back for a few games? Who knows, he might have much more fun in those roles.
It is always difficult as a coach. The best ones I have seen are those who do skills development and matches separately. In the development sessions you are developing each childs skills. For matches you have clear selection criteria. Either you play the strongest players or you have a mixed ability team and give every child a go. But you can’t please all the players and parents all the time.
I quite like the A team B team approach where you play a stronger and a weaker side against similar strength sides from another club. But I know that is not possible with smaller clubs.

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 15:51

I get that wurz l really do! I am always a firm believer playing in a team that suits your ability and whilst ds was one of the more able players on the original team, the new coach is definitely favouring his original team so ds’s team are just topping up!

It would be a waste of time speaking to the coach since he’s a win at all cost kind so that’s not an option. Think l will just keep an eye on him and almost steer him to moving teams if his self esteem deteriorate further.

OP posts:

BobLemon · 10/10/2018 16:20

Does he have friends in other teams? We had a similar problem in the U10 league last year, but the other end - our DSS was one of the less confident players and had very little game time, and would only be put in defence (which he’s terrible at, gawd bless him) due to the coaches win-focus. I had to leave one match 5 minutes before the end because he’d been sub the entire match and I burst into tears at the meanness of it he maintained that he was happy enough the whole time, as his friends were in the team.

The end of the season was a blessing for us when they merged some teams for the 9-a-side format. He’s in a lower, less win-focused league and it’s like watching a different kid play. His coaches are kind and fair and let him play up front! BUT his new team also contained friends from school. I don’t think he would’ve wanted to move to the new team if they weren’t.

If there wasn’t the option to move him to another team that contained friends, I think we would’ve knocked Saturday football on the head altogether (as the school have a week night team he can join).

You’re also right that speaking to coaches is probably a waste of time

wurzelburga · 10/10/2018 16:37

Do any of his team mates feel the same? Could a couple of them move together?

Atalune · 10/10/2018 16:54

Footy politics are so annoying!!

My DS ,9, plays for his local club team in their academy and they do 2 training sessions a week which are ALL skills based. And the. When they are 11 they play in the league and there is a selection for who plays based on talent and sportsmanship. This works brilliantly I think. The club is only a small market town one but they are bloody fantastic at adhering to strict development training and the respect code.

DS alps plays for his local community team and the manger won’t have more than 9 players as he only ever wants 2 subs and a sting cohesive team. This is my sons 3rd “local” team as we moved and changed teams but returned to our old team where the manager is a star and the boys are lovely. Bloody long car journeys though!

Soccer mom

arethereanyleftatall · 10/10/2018 16:54

In your situation, I would do loads of practice with my ds so he gets better than the other striker option.

Atalune · 10/10/2018 16:55

So-

Can you find your local development academy- all teams have them?

Find another local team?

Have you considered the JPL?

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 17:12

arethere to be frank he was the top goal scorer in the league last season and currently sits in that position thus far into the season so not sure what else he can do. He is one of the more able players on the new merged team! He also plays in a development centre. That said getting subbed 15 minutes into a game because he hasn’t scored yet is not right in my opinion and this is what’s affecting his self esteem and his play.

The issue is that the other striker from his original teams Dad is a good friend of the coach so definitely a favouritism situation going on which is what l predicted! I told ds he has to fight for his place but I’m really not sure what more he can do 😔

Other parents won’t say anything face to face, happy to moan behind the scenes but won’t come forward.

I’m going to start looking at other local teams on the quiet which have boys that he might know and go from there.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/10/2018 17:33

I thought you said the coach wants to win at all costs? That conflicts choosing a less able player as he is friends son.

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 17:44

TBF the team is so strong that even with the second best striker (who is still very good BTW) we still win!

So essentially what I’m saying is that the coach is picking his original team players over ds’s original team players. Our original coach who is now assistant coach gave us his word that he would not let this happen... but it is!

It is what it is l guess!

OP posts:

Atalune · 10/10/2018 18:02

If he’s playing for 15mins that’s half the game- they play 7 minuet quarters? I don’t think that’s so bad....are you maybe getting your knickers in a twist?

ferrier · 10/10/2018 18:03

I'm not understanding the two teams merging. Are they both same age groups but one was an A team and the other a B team? Was ds in the stronger team? Can you be certain that ds's scoring prowess was all down to his own ability or was he just a decent finisher and the recipient of some excellent passes into the box by skillful teammates?
Can you ask the coaching team what their philosophy is when picking teams? If it's all about equality and rotation (unusual in football ime) then it won't be because ds hasn't scored that he gets subbed so his confidence should be fine.

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 18:24

Atalune No knicker twisting here!

Don’t know where you have your information from but U11’s league football is 50 minutes per match 2x25

Ferrier If you read my earlier post you will see that he’s still top goal scorer (again not bragging but he is a striker). So nothing wrong with his football. Are you the coaches wife 😉

OP posts:

minionsrule · 10/10/2018 18:29

Another footy/cricket mum here. I do think you need to be guided by your ds here, but yes do look around and see if there are any other options around and maybe mention these to him.
Some kids (including my ds) prioritise being with known friends and having fun over being the best/always picked. That isn't a dig, we tried for years for ds to move cricket teams to play for a better, more professionally run team but he was happy to stay where he was with his mates. He has moved to that team now but inly because circumstances forced his hand

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 18:47

minion l agree but l think ds is torn. He wants to stay with his friends but he is very competitive with sports (he plays rugby, hockey and athletics too) so not sure what he will decide.

I guess like most situations sometimes things happen that force your hand.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/10/2018 18:50

Top goal scorer does not automatically mean he is good. Though of course he may well be, we don't know, never seen him play. He could just be a goal hanger. You may need to consider, op, that the coach thinks the other child is a better (now/potential) striker.
The choice is yours whether you move him or not.

ferrier · 10/10/2018 19:15

Are you the coaches wife

No 🤣 Just seen a few times where people think their child is the bees knees but in reality they're the beneficiaries of a good team around them. Not saying that's the case for your son at all - you're the one watching him, not me.
If the team now has a policy of full rotation then your son will get subbed after a certain period of play. The fact that he always(?) gets to start would indicate that he's one of the better ones so should give him confidence.

Chestnut23 · 10/10/2018 19:20

It may be hard to watch but this could be him going through a really important part of growning up - developing grit and determination and pushing to prove himself. He may not have quite got himself to this stage yet, so it would be a shame if his mum intervened at this point...

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 20:05

chestnut l know, you’re right he needs to face up to this fact!

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 10/10/2018 20:47

There is a team just outside Manchester with a Portuguese manager who might take you!

Original poster

Konmariconvert · 10/10/2018 21:19

Forall Nah he’s too good for them 😜

OP posts:

noego · 11/10/2018 15:30

There are FA guidelines about the amount of time players in this age group should have on the pitch during a game. Irrespective of ability.

The development at this age is about positional play and skills. Results should not be a factor.

At his age he should be able to play most positions so that the coach can put him on.

so if you imagine that the squad is 11 and the team has nine players and two defenders get injured, the two subs should be able to fill those positions. Ergo TEAM effort.

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