To ask you to help give me some perspective, I wish I could press fast forward on my life

[JustOneApple]

I have a lovely partner and a generally good life.

But I'm so desperately sad. I can't picture this just being my life forever now.

We are TTC and have been hit with multiple miscarriages so far. Now it seems all I want is to be a mother and I can't be satisfied with anything else.

If someone offered me a fast forward button I would take it in a heart beat and that makes me feel horrible.

I feel like I'm spending my days waiting for something that seems to happen to everyone else rather than enjoying the fact I have a man who loves me and a good stable life. I'm so desperate and down all the time.

I'm 25! I have time. But I've never experienced this sort of impatience before it's like my brain is telling me I'm running out of time when I'm not.

I am bored by everything except the prospect of having a child now. I just want to skip my life until it happens. I hate the job I used to enjoy, I hate the every day tasks of getting on with life.

I feel so guilty on my partner he's trying so hard to get me to just enjoy our time just us but I feel so dissatisfied with everything right now. I feel like a complete brat given what some people would give to have a 'normal' life but I'm just so desperately dissatisfied with mine at the moment and I don't know what to do as the one thing I'm pinning this on is something I can't change.

Ok, having been in your shoes, I don’t have a magic wand. I will say though that focusing only on the negative will only make you feel worse. When we eventually started living again instead of putting things off ‘just in case’ eg change of job, new car, we started to enjoy life more. Putting life on pause, or wishing it would fast forward won’t help one bit. I know it is tough, but there is definitely more to life than children.

No wonder you are sad if you’ve had multiple mcs. I’m assuming you have had some support around this?

Try to be mindful of everyday activities and pleasures. Look forward to very short term things like a film or meal. Consider booking a couple of activities like a short course or weekend away doing something you’ve never tried. Look at Futurelearn for an excellent short course on mindfulness if you are interested.

None of this detracts from the here and now but does acknowledge that today is important and full of opportunity and therefore not to be skipped over. In this way you have short term, mid term and long term desires.

Best wishes.

Thank you. I feel like I'm being terribly ungrateful. My partner says 'but what about the all the things you would miss' Christmases, holidays together etc... And I feel awful because honestly in comparison I don't care. I'm just floating right now, waiting for the day.

I have recently accepted another job which I'm due to start next month. But I really don't feel any sort of excitement or 'looking forward' about it.

I just feel so disconnected from everything going on around me. I'm just moving through because I don't have any other choice. This is like a demotivation I've never had before.

I've told my partner I'd like to go away soon, we went on holiday a few months back and it was the first time I was able to have a day where I didn't think about it. But I guess I can't just cover it with 'doing things' or going on holidays forever.

Have you asked about counselling? Or an onward referral to a tertiary clinic? Perhaps if you are actively doing something about it, it might help you move forward. It is hard and sad. I hope that things improve for you. I’m sorry if my last post sounded harsh, but having been there, I can 100% tell you that thinking about it day and night, did nothing to lift my mood, or to help me move forward.

@lifecouldbeadream no your post didn't sound harsh at all!

I have been considering counselling. I need to see if I can work something around my job though as I don't feel I can take time in a new job for it. It doesn't give the best first impression and I certainly don't want to tell them the reason! :(

I've never had counselling before so it seems a bit daunting. But it is something I keep telling myself to look into.

I was offered it by my consultant after my 4th misc. It did help to get things in perspective. You might find that if you are able to pay privately you can be more flexible with the times. It seems a big cost, but it’s worth it if it makes a difference to your mental health. You could consider asking your GP for ADs, but if you are Ttc at the moment, you might prefer to avoid.

I always wished I had a crystal ball so I could see how it would turn out and deal with that eventuality before it happened. Truth is, the human body is a strange thing, and you never really know what might happen. Hope you get your rainbow. X

lifecouldbeadream I definitely wish I had a crystal ball like you mentioned. I just want to know what the outcome will be so I can deal with it.

I think I'll mention counselling next time I see the Dr. I've been signed off from work recently and they never offered it or mentioned it.