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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I be so annoyed???

19 replies

Holly257 · 10/10/2018 10:42

So a bit of background I've got 2 healthy boys 3 & 2 and I had a MMC last year and found out a couple of days ago that I'm pregnant again! Only 3 weeks and 5 days and not missed my period yet (It's tomorrow) I've been getting cramps and I remember getting them before my MMC been to the doctors today to see if they could send me for an early scan! So I said to the doctor I found out the other day I'm pregnant and I've been getting pains, I also voiced my concerns over the MMC and said I was scared it was going to happen again. He said so how many weeks are you to which I said 3 weeks 5 days he looks at me and says have you missed your period then? so I said no he then looked and laughed a little and said so how do you know your pregnant then? I told him I took a pregnancy test and it was positive he looks at me and says well your too early if your going to misscarry then that's what's going to happen there's nothing we can do so I don't know why you've come here! He had a feel at my belly asked if it was painful to which I said in some places it is and he just told me to get up and that was it

My question is am I out of order by being so frustrated about how he spoke to me? I understand there's nothing anyone can do if it happens but at least be a bit more sympathetic towards the situation he was really rude how he spoke to me

Sorry it's a long one but it's really annoyed me what it said!!!

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 10/10/2018 10:46

My GP said to me that it was much better years ago when early tests weren't so readily available. He said 1/4 of pregnancies don't make it and most of those are in the very early days. When people saw it as a late period they didn't react in the same way that they do if they've taken a positive pregnancy test and then have their period. Even if their period is just a day or two late, women are saying they've had a miscarriage, when in the past they wouldn't have realised they were pregnant in the first place.

Di11y · 10/10/2018 10:48

I get what he was saying but goodness me he could have applied an ounce of bedside manner to smooth a difficult conversation! Yanbu!

Louiselouie0890 · 10/10/2018 10:50

I understand what he was saying but he could have been sympathetic a little

Ansumpasty · 10/10/2018 10:57

Sorry but I’m guessing he was a bit annoyed that you’d taken up an appointment space when you haven’t even missed a period. If they gave everyone scans before their period was late then the NHS would crumble.
Wishing you a healthy pregnancy, though! Btw, pains and cramps are normal.

FunSponges · 10/10/2018 11:02

Sorry but they can't send every woman for a scan before they've even missed a period! When we were ttc, there were 2 occasions when I was 11 days late, they may have been mmc but I'll never know and I wouldn't count them as I didn't test. Women are testing far too early. If you hadn't tested you would just assume your period was coming.

Uncreative · 10/10/2018 11:02

Hmmmm. The doctor should have explained that a scan that early won’t show anything worth seeing. They would not be able to diagnose a miscarriage (or not) on such an early scan.

Hope it works out for you.

HolesinTheSoles · 10/10/2018 11:05

I think medically he's 100% correct but his bedside manner is very unsympathetic.

Nothisispatrick · 10/10/2018 11:05

He is right, although he could’ve been more sensitive. Having a scan will not guarantee a successful pregnancy, and I’ve heard that some scans don’t pick up heartbeats at even 6 or 7 weeks, so may just cause more stress.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 10/10/2018 11:08

You've said yourself that you know there's nothing anyone could do if the pregnancy doesn't continue at such an early stage. So what were you there for?

For you personally, it's a tragedy and it's hard... But for the NHS and your GP it's an issue they can't do anything about, and is a waste of an appointment and their resources. It sounds like you just wanted someone to say they understand your upset and give you a hug, but that's not what a GP is for.

Hoping all goes well for you.

Rainbowtrain · 10/10/2018 11:09

I had a scan when I was only 6 weeks pregnant for other reasons and they could not see much and I think I understand what he was saying but terrible way to say things and be treated, sorry

Rainbowtrain · 10/10/2018 11:09

I had a scan when I was only 6 weeks pregnant for other reasons and they could not see much and I think I understand what he was saying but terrible way to say things and be treated, sorry

Bombardier25966 · 10/10/2018 11:17

It sounds like you just wanted someone to say they understand your upset and give you a hug, but that's not what a GP is for.

Actually, hugs aside, it is a big part of a GPs role. Losing a pregnancy at any stage can be extremely traumatic, and the OP's new pregnancy will have brought back her terrible past experience. A GP cannot stop a miscarriage, but they can take the time to listen and empathise, and that short intervention could stop initial anxieties turning into nine months and more of mental health problems.

The doctor's advice wasn't wrong, but he failed to take a holistic approach and consider the mental health implications on the OP.

mummyhaschangedhername · 10/10/2018 11:18

They can't see anything this early one, baby doesn't even have a Heartbeat yet, plus there is absolutely nothing that can be done at this point.

So sorry for your previous loss, I lost one too so i understand the stress and upset you're feeling. I really hope all goes well OP.

Allthewaves · 10/10/2018 11:22

Problem is there's nothing medically the doctor can do. I'm not a fan of early scans and testing if it's a much wanted baby. Sometimes nature just has to take it's course.

WhereIsThisGoing · 10/10/2018 11:33

I agree that he could (and should) have been more sensitive, but he probably was also trying to get a very medically valid point across. There's a reason they call it a chemical pregnancy at this point, there is nothing there yet to see.

On a more positive note, my main symptom of pregnancy in the early days is cramping, but no period, so fingers crossed and take good care of yourself.

YoumeandlittleP · 10/10/2018 11:37

I don't think they can see the sack properly before 5/6 weeks anyway. That's what I was told. I've had to have early scans for both of mine and they weren't until 6 weeks for my first and 5 weeks the second. I was told the second time that I was lucky that they were able to see anything at all.
Fingers crossed for you

Uncreative · 10/10/2018 11:41

My iPad just crashed and I lost my post so the shorter and more abrupt version 2.0 follows.

Previous posters have pointed out that there won’t be a heartbeat yet. In fact, implantation may not even have occurred yet. If it does not happen and you get your period, it wouldn’t be a miscarriage, it would be a chemical pregnancy.

I do completely agree with other people who have said we can now test too early. I do think it would have been easier in earlier times when it could be dismissed a missed or late period. The idea of a chemical pregnancy would have been alien, not even a pregnancy in my mother’s child bearing years.

But now, if you are TTC, you get so focused on the outcome, pregnancy and baby, that it is devastating to lose all those hopes and dreams.

That said, to keep those hopes and dreams going, I want to let the OP know I was convinced that I was going to lose this pregnancy in weeks 4/5/6 because I had period pains. Hasn’t happened. But when I miscarried an early pregnancy, I had no cramps whatsoever. The pregnancy symptoms this time around have been very, very different.

Original poster

Holly257 · 10/10/2018 11:55

Thank you to everyone who's posted! I was 8 weeks when I had the misscarrage and the hospital said it was a missed misscarrage also it never came away on it's own and I had to have tablets to make it come away (this is why I'm scared of it happening again!). I wasn't only there for that I suffer with hyprem in pregnancies I did with both my boys so needed tablets to help me as I'm on holiday when I hit 6 weeks and that's when it really kicks in for me. the point I was making was about his attitude not about the fact he wasn't sending me for a scan.

OP posts:

mummyhaschangedhername · 15/10/2018 17:29

I started bleeding and cramping with my first, doctor has a similar attitude and told me to go for a walk (I suspect to hurry up the miscarriage). I was shocked too, but I guess he was just stating facts but I agree it was cold. How are you doing OP?

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