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AIBU?

Brain function crap

5 replies

BambooB · 09/10/2018 22:50

AIBU to hate the way my brain works?

I have bi polar and trying life without meds. Been on diff meds for 9 years but these for solid on them for the last 3 years as they seemed to help a lot but sick of relying on meds to function and tired of the side effects so very slowly I've reduced my dosage till i was on a fee mg every 3/4 days. Now I'm finally off them fully (its taken over 6 months to come off them).

6 weeks I've been been off them totally and my bi polar is back with vengeance.

I found out my mother has cancer, they are gearing up to treat it. Im trying to be strong for her, Unless we need to, we don't really talk about it and im doing all i can to keep her up beat, im being normal around her, which includes taking the piss when needed (we rip the piss out of each other all the time. Not to be nasty - we are just teasing each other) but when I'm alone I break down into a total mess - prognosis is good for her but Im scared shitless of losing my mum and i know shes scared, theres nothing I can do to fix it.

I had a meeting with my bank and hey said 'you run your account well' and have given me a credit card with a £8000 limit on it. I want to transfer all my debts from everywhere else into this one account (much lower APR) but i also want to buy myself and my child a gift, that will cost around £350, on the credit card (its something i have never done before) I dont know if should but i probably will.

Not been intimate with partner with around 4 months due to pain on my part, lack of self confidence and feeling like a disgusting fat mess. First time in months we are intimate and within minutes afterwards he texts his female co worker and tells her hes finally had sex again, and tells her to text me asking - which she did. And its broken my heart, its taken months for me to gain any form of confidence and letting him see me undressed made me feel sick but I wanted to because I love him. Now im just thinking was he thinking of her during the act and thats why he text her so soon afterwards?. Not lying btw, 3/4 minutes afterwards, id had a text from her. Last time we had sex i got pregnant, 5 weeks into my pregnancy, i lost the baby. A chemical miscarriage they called it. Which is another reason i hadnt wanted to be intimate. All of this he knows.

I cant sleep now Im worried about my mum constantly, my blood pressure is sky high. Im on medication but my doctor is wanting to higher my dose as its still high and im at risk if a stroke or heart attack.

I dont know the point of this post. But sat here like a dickhead crying but trying not to wake my daughter. Who im thinking about keeping out of school tomorrow but thats selfish.

So yeah, welcome to my brain... i hate the way it works...

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NoHufflefucksGivenMugglefucker · 09/10/2018 23:28

Do you know the colleague?! That’s very odd. Why would he do that? Howbloody childish and disrespectful. What did she text you to say?

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BambooB · 10/10/2018 06:39

I know her to a degree, we do message sometimes

He told her to ask me if the dry spell was over.

Shes not from here so she doesnt know what it means.

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AuntBeastie · 10/10/2018 06:44

Your husband is a dick. That was a really weird and inappropriate thing for him to do, I can’t understand why he would think it was ok.

I think you need to go back on your medication. It’s ok to rely on medicine to be well - millions of people do! My mother in law will be on blood thinners for the rest of her life, for example. Sometimes we need medicine to regulate our bodies.

You have so much on your plate and must cut yourself some slack - and make sure you’re getting all of the support you need.

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PanchoBarnes · 10/10/2018 07:44

I'd like to come visit you, give you a hug, and punch your (not-D) P in the face.
I can't even imagne. wtf?

Very sorry about your Mum. Hope all goes well. Flowers

The consolidatiing debts onto the new card sounds like a good plan.
Buy that gift you want. In fact, buy it twice, you deserve it after what that dickhead did.

Things will be different of the meds, but not necessarily better.
I think things would be better without that partner, though.

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BambooB · 10/10/2018 18:30

Ive gone and bought it, wanted it and myself and daughter will use it a lot. She already loves it, been using it today after school :).

He's been grovelling today, being extra nice about everything. Told him not to bother as I just cant be bothered.

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