How to deal with sons behaviour at school

[xxx13xx]

DS is (5) started reception in September.
Everyday since he started he has either scratched, hit or bitten another child. We’ve had parents turn up at our home address, Facebook status written about us, and the good old playground gossip.
We are now at the point he spends every break time, and lunch time with the deputy headteacher.
We are waiting for a referral for pedestrians.
I’m not making up excuses for my sons behaviour and I simply don’t know why he’s acting this way. I’m so lost and feel lonely as I don’t have how to deal with all this. At home he’s like a completely different child. Any advice? Or where to turn to?

Thank you all for your posts.

Been to talk to the school. DS behaviour is the least of there worries and they have no concerns. Turns out majority of the time these incidents are happening in the playground and the children are play fighting when one thing leads to another and it isn’t just my child hitting or scratching these other children doing it too so it isn’t aggressive behaviour.

This week he’s been spending quite time with the head at lunch break with a few other kids where they’ve been doing colouring, playing with Lego and games which DS has been enjoying so as of next week the school are going to put in place a quite area at lunch time inside for all children to come and go.

Feeling so much more positive now.

It's great that you're feeling better OP, but in your position I'd be looking for another school. Their lack of basic behaviour management has spilled out of the school and the parents are at each other, your DS has been isolated from his friends which has made him a scapegoat. Having a quiet area and adequate supervision is very basic, not something they should be surprised about.

Unfortunately we live in a town with only one primary school so have no other option but to send him to this primary school unless I was to travel 15 miles (30 mile round trip... 60 miles a day) to the next town. In a ideal world I’d love to move him schools... or even more towns for that matter but life isn’t that simple.

Not too sure why wearywithteens you felt need to state your terrible parent observation that the mother was single.

@xxx13xx that all sounds so much more positive. I'm interested to know though why the HV brought up the possibility of ASD when he was younger, especially when there were no concerns from the nursery or presumably yourself.

Chocolatemademefat - if a child is aggressive sitting them in time out can help.
I saw a child knock another child to the floor on school drop off - the mum of the child on the floor went crazy and told him to “discipline his child.” He was gobsmacked and apologised - he clearly had no idea his child would do that. All the other parents in the school label this child and talk harshly about him. What I know is that this child is autistic and pushes and kicks constantly possibly for sensory output. His behaviour is unpredictable and fast.
It doesn’t make his behaviour acceptable but it’s going to take a four year with ASD a lot of support to get there - from staff who are experienced enough to know what they are doing.
My son was aggressive in his early years and we did all the toy taking away, time out, room time but ultimately what made the difference was age.

My point is - as parents we should be supporting children who are struggling - and their parents - not blasting them on Facebook or dismissing.

Disabree22 There’s no proof the child in this post has any SN so it might be better to protect the other children from his behaviour by letting him see that it’s totally unacceptable. Five minutes on a comfy beanbag in the middle of the family isn’t time out. And if he can’t understand that attacking other children is wrong talking to him about feelings may be a waste of time. My eldest son was a victim of a ‘naughty’ child all through primary school - I know not all children continue to display this behaviour but why does no one care about the kids getting the brunt of it? The school will have to give him special attention and schools don’t have the budget for this so who’s picking up the slack. I hate lazy parenting - why should responsible parents bother making the effort when others see themselves as special cases. Stop trying to be his friend and set firmer boundaries. I know I come across as intolerant but I work with children and the ones who know boundaries are much happier.

As someone who’s worked in the education system across every Key Stqge for a long time I can honestly say a lot of hitting isn’t caused by lazy parenting - some yes - but it’s mostly a symptom of something else. Frustration being one factor - I’ve seen a lot of very bright small children hit.

OP have you asked the school want punishment they give to your child when he hits? My son was always pushing in reception and in week 2 he lost some special time and had to sit in a corner while the others played. That stopped him completely - if they are punishing him quite strictly and he isn’t stopping it may indicate SEN.
At home you probably won’t have a lot of issues with behaviour because he isn’t being triggered by being with other children.