Can anyone offer any support

[GulliversTravels123]

Sorry to post here- I did post in teenagers a couple of days ago. I’m having terrible problems with my DS (13), he’s currently temporarily excluded from school, he’s supposed to be grounded but has just escaped from the house to go into town centre.

He just doesn’t listen to anyone or seem to understand or respond to consequences. I suspect he may have some kind of behavioural problem- we are waiting to see an ed psych (hopefully by the end of the week) our original appointment was postponed.

Does anyone know what options are available if (or when) he gets expelled? This behaviour has been going on for years just feel sick in the pit of my stomach- should I call Social Services for advice too?

He is also aggressive and violent- although police have been called he just doesn’t care ☹️

If anyone has had to deal with anything similar I’d really appreciate advice. Many thanks

My nephew was like this and my sister got him a counsellor which seemed to really help him.

Sounds like a sociopath (not like in the movies). Sociopaths can benefit from psychological intervention early otherwise they frequently end up in jail as they truly can't understand why what they do bothers others.

Definitely call Social Services. They have been brilliant for our family.

Hope he engages with the ed psych.

Rather than people posting the basics, it would be helpful to list what support he has already had. Is he still seeing the mental health nurse? Did he see the educational psychologist?

Look into Pathalogical demand avoidance..on the asd spectrum..but presents differently. My 13 year old has it.

Ok thanks here’s where I’m at

We started seeing a counsellor but she felt it wasn’t working as he wouldn’t engage (this was about 6 weeks)

I’ve been to GP who advised school was probably best point of call

School have referred Ed Psych- appointment imminent - we have a home visit as he’s currently refusing to go to a school

School also have a youth worker who talks to him, but he’s not even going to school anymore when’s he’s not suspended he’s playing truant.

Just not sure where to go next with him. He’s incredibly defiant and refuses to engage with most people

Exactly same as my son... We have another psychology appointment on Friday.. I am sure it will be the same as the last ones he will agree on the surface but ultimately nothing will change..it's a hard slog op. Parenting a silent abnd difficult child is so hard and thankless.

Sorry.. violent not silent.

Cheeeese how on earth do you cope? I don’t even know where he most of the time or who he’s with or what he’s doing - I keep thinking it’s all going to end horribly- I can’t see him ever changing despite him only being 13

That sounds so hard.

Has it been building up for a while or out of the blue? Don't feel you have to answer here but what's happened in his life that has caused him to have difficulties or cope with his difficulties this way and could that offer some suggestions? As an example, has he got a neurological problem or brain injury (BIRT or Headway charities may help??), witnessed domestic violence (CAMHS?) attachment problems from being adopted (speak to LAC?). Obviously there are lots of other possibilities but I don't want to start diagnosing your child.

Ed psych seems like a good shout, good luck.

If he won’t engage with any support offered, it’s realky important that you get support from somewhere otherwise the whole ship goes down.
You could say this to SS, they will listen.

Haireverywhere - nothing has happened in his life, he comes from a happy secure home. His Dad and I are happy, rarely argue.

He’s always been defiant- started playing up in school when he was 9 or 10. Needs constant entertaining- can’t concentrate- I really just don’t know what to do with him.

At the moment we have absolutely no relationship- he chooses not to engage with me (or his dad). He won’t answer the phone if I call him. He seems to hate his family

I’m just worried he won’t engage with Ed Psych- he simply cares about nothing and no-one

Is there ANYONE he opens up to? An aunt/friend of the family etc?

A neighbour, mentor, uncle etc?

How awful he feels this way at his young age. And I can't imagine the stress. We've had school refusal issues but with very specific causes (even though it took a LONG time to get to the bottom of them. Ed psych really helped.

Merry - unfortunately he won’t open up - he acts like there’s no problem and nothing wrong - my Dad even visited and he lives a long way away, but DS is just not interested in any of us.

My son was exactly the same at 13 it was a nightmare which got progressively worse. He burgled his DF house selling power tools and electronics etc. He threatened my EH with a knife stole my bank card and cleared my account the list goes on and on. I contacted SS for help and they initially said there wasn't anything they could do as he wasn't at risk I contacted them again in floods of tears and they agreed he would go into temp care for 6 weeks to give us all a break. He ended up there 12 months with a managed move home lots of anger management, therapy etc he's now the nicest kid you could hope to meet, very kind funny etc although I strongly suspect he has asd. Shout and scream for help it's there they only offer it though at breaking point which is ridiculous

Have they looked at adhd or odd? He could be finding school hard and has shut down

Mucky so glad to hear your son is such a nice person now- you’ve been through ALOT!

Allthewaves- I suspect he has ADHD or PDA - I will mention it to Ed Psych when we meet

Whether he has something diagnosed or not I just want to know how I can parent him for the best? I stay away from him when he’s angry and try and let him know he’s making bad decisions when he’s calm but he just shrugs and says don’t worry about it 😡