AIBU - to warn friend this could end in heartbreak??

[CrappyFriend0910]

One of my best friends has a history of bad relationships. She seems to subconsciously choose men and relationships that are destined to fail. She spends a lot of time being single so maybe occasionally wants company and the closeness a relationship can bring.

Her last relationship was with a married man - I tried to be as supportive as possible but was difficult as I fundamentally disagree with adultery. I know she was not the married one, but she knew and willingly started the affair. It ended badly and I supported her through that difficult period.

She has now started a relationship with a recently separated man who is about 30 years her senior. I'm finding it really difficult to appear happy and supportive. I believe she is the rebound and will get her heart broken again.

Do I say anything or just keep quiet and hope it works out for her?

Take age out of the equation for a minute...how does the man treat her?..is he a nice man ?..does he treat her with respect?..is she happy?..

If she is happy and he is a nice guy then you have to butt out...yes it's a big age gap but these days that is nothing (plenty of celebrities and Hollywood stars have big age gap relationships..Catherine zeta Jones for e.g)

She won't thank you for butting in of your only gripe against him is the age gap, it is her life and her mistakes to make...just be a friend and support her choices and accept it's her decision to make about who she dates

Leave her to it. It's none of your business, unless she asks for your advice or unless you feel she's being abused or take n advantage of. How old is she?

Its really difficult with these types of people because as much as they claim to want a 'real' relationship they seem addicted to the drama. They overlook people as boring/settling for some idiot heartbreak stop tattooed into their forehead.

I have taken the 'not again, did you not learn anything the last time'. Queue a lot of teenage like defences - from a woman in her forties. I have told her straight that she loves the drama, she denied it but she confides in me less now as she tells the girls she works with 'As they are in their 20s and know what its like out there'. Yes, it may happen once or twice but then they will grow up and recognise the 'signs'

Thanks for the advice very much appreciated - I'll keep out of it

She's in her 30's so very capable of making her own mind up. As far as i am aware they get on very well so nothing to be concerned about in that respect.

He has a very volatile relationship with his wife, so although currently separated, they may get back together (they have split and reconciled previously). This is my main concern as I fear she will be left heartbroken if this happens.

I don’t think you can say anything that would make her change her mind. Just be there for her when/if it all goes wrong again.

You can judge a (wo)man by the company (s)he keeps

Why on earth would anyone condone her fucking other women's husbands?

Let her be heartbroken, she absolutely deserves to be.

You sound like a very good friend OP. Maybe there's a way of subtly and tactfully making her think of the potential issues? Otherwise I guess you can only be there for her when she needs support

I agree with others, keep out of it, she probably knows her choices are not great, maybe she likes setting herself up to fail? She probably won’t listen to anyone, best to just sit back and wait for it to run it’s course (help pick up the pieces).