My in laws are a difficult pair. I've had 17 years of their behaviour which has only intensified since we married and yet again since we had children.
My FIL is the root of the problem. He is, at best tactless, normally very rude.
As a pair they don't like the fact I am a working mum (part time) as they believe it is detrimental to my children.
Constant negative attitude to whatever we do, to our life choices, what we choose to spend our money on/not spend it on, our religion (we attend church/they don't). They don't like anything that doesn't reflect back the choices they made in life.
I end up feeling very sad and criticised after any visit with them. 50% of the time I end up biting my toungue and the other 50% of visits I will stand up for myself and get angry with my father in law about whatever rudeness and negativity he is spouting at the time.
Years ago my husband tried to engage his mum in a conversation about rectifying the situation, via email. She refused to engage us and never replied. Problem lies dormant.
My husband said he grew up with the whole family accomodating his father's quirks/rudeness. So much so, I believe my father in law denies his behaviour and truly believes that he doesn't actually do it at times.
I don't know how to progress from here. I feel at an impasse. How do I behave around them? I feel the only thing I can do is be physically present (do they don't succeed in pushing me out) but mentally switch off/withdraw so as to protect myself emotionally.
We are not asking for their approval; we are essentially a happy little family with gorgeous children. We just want to live with an absence of their disapproval.
If you have experienced similar, please let me know how you learned to cope.