Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

DD still crying about going into school (Reception)

23 replies

Upanddownandroundagain · 09/10/2018 09:02

Please reassure me that this is normal. My DD is still crying every morning about going into school, refusing to walk in, begging me not to leave her. It hasn’t come as a surprise - she’s always been a bit like this - but I’m really struggling now, I’m in tears. She does enjoy it once she’s in there, and she’s ok in the morning when we’re at home, but when it come time to go in she starts getting upset.

Any tips would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Whereisthegin1978 · 09/10/2018 09:21

It’s really hard - I had this with my eldest. I hated it. Once I’d left her there was a window I could look through and she was always ok once I’d gone. It made me feel better. She’s in year 6 now and likes to walk ahead & in by herself! It does get better

Slippersandacuppa · 09/10/2018 09:31

My year two girl still cries in the mornings. Sobbing this morning. I’ve reached the end of my tether with it all. It’s a very academic state primary with a massive focus on maths and English. The sheer volume and level of writing is shocking. Developmentally, this curriculum is all kinds of wrong but some schools seem to teach it in a sympathetic way. I know she loves her friends and the creative side. The problem is that she’s exceeding (I never thought that would be a problem) so is expected to do all of the GD stuff. It’s just overwhelming for her and she’s a perfectionist. Can’t decide what to do but we’re not carrying on like this for much longer. It’s not worth it.

I think all you can do is see how she gets on. She probably doesn’t even know what it is that makes her upset (aside from leaving you). You’ll reach tipping point one way or the other. Have you spoken to the teachers?

taratill · 09/10/2018 09:35

I would suggest you speak to the school for support as crying after this many weeks is quite unusual. Maybe the school could arrange for your daughter to be greeted in a different way in the morning away from the other children/ slightly later or earlier for example and then give her a special job? Sometimes arriving with all of the other children in a crowded area can be overwhelming and indicate a sensory sensitivity. This certainly proved to be the case with my children. It was separation anxiety but there were also other things that needed to be considered.

bellinisurge · 09/10/2018 09:37

So normal. Or at least it was for us.
Couple of things we did - sew a button into the lining of her skirt for her to cling on to when she felt a bit low or was missing me.
We also made a really rubbish looking small teddy bear out of an old T-shirt and it lived in her bag out of sight. The teacher knew about it and was ok with this.
Speak to the teacher generally.
My pal's little boy had terrible separation anxiety too. But, like us, about Year 2, it kind of clicked. Year 1 and middle to end of reception sort of turned to muted truculence (with occasional tears).
It's still early days.
I've also seen tips about drawing a heart on both your palms then holding hands to "activate" it for during the day. This seemed a bit too dramatic for me and the button worked better.

GreenMeerkat · 09/10/2018 09:38

I would say that if she is okay once she's in and she does in enjoy it then it's a case of separation anxiety in the morning, rather than any serious issues with going to school.
However, it is unusual after this long in school. PP has some good tips!

blackteasplease · 09/10/2018 09:42

There are kids in my ds's class (reception) who still find it hard, sometimes crying, definitely. It's no reflection on them as a child nor does it mean the school is no good. It's just that some personalities find it harder to begin to feel happy in the school environment, which is different to nursery or playground.

Talk to the teacher and see if they have suggestions. Pps have got some great ideas.

My dd who is eldest definitely found it harder than ds. Could be his personality (more "robust") but could be he knows he has some siblings of dds friends in the class plus his sister in the same building!

allinmyhead12 · 09/10/2018 11:21

my girl did it all the way through nursery every morning cried, after calling each time when i got to work for a week to be told that after 2 minutes of me leaving she was fine i gave up worrying. If its not carrying on for ages after you leave then i would say there are no major issues, just stick to your guns and carry on. If you do the same routine every time with no difference im sure she will soon realize that mummy's not giving in and school is a part of life LOL

wafflethewonderdog · 09/10/2018 11:31

@Upanddownandroundagain
I could have written this, my DD is exactly the same. From the minute she wakes up she's saying she doesn't want to go to school because she will miss me. I have DD2 at home which doesn't help.
When we get to the playground she starts crying but I just hand her over and walk away. They tell me she's fine as soon as I've gone and she's learnt so much since she started. It's a habit now that we can't break so following for advice too.

saddnessinseptember · 09/10/2018 11:41

Firstly are the school aware of just how bad this is? They should be supporting you and (more importantly) your daughter in this. If they aren’t and you don’t think they can do enough then ask to speak to the SENCO. School anxiety, separation anxiety etc IS under their remit and the SENCO can get involved to assess where the stressors are for your little girl and help to eliminate them.

Original poster

Upanddownandroundagain · 09/10/2018 11:43

Waffle - I think it’s a habit for mine now as well, it’s like she thinks it’s part of the routine now - get up, get ready, get to school, moan about going in, go in. She really is fine once she’s there.

It is a very busy playground - they have a separate early years entrance for nursery, reception and year one, and it’s quite a small playground. We’ve got a parents evening in a couple of weeks but I might collar the teacher this week and have a word.

She had improved marginally last week but has gone right back this week.

It doesn’t help that her behaviour at home is absolutely horrendous since she started, so it’s not a normal calm house (not that it ever was, but you know what I mean). I’m going to change the routine tomorrow so she’s ready sooner and it’s calmer. And I’ll hand her off to a teacher sooner.

Your replies are all lovely.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 09/10/2018 11:45

A friend's dd howled on drop off all through reception and half of Y1! She really was fine once her mum was gone (I used to help out in reception so saw this w my own eyes) , it was just the idea of mum going that she found hard. What sorted it in the end was other people (dad, gran, me) doing the school drop offs.

Feelingsad33 · 09/10/2018 11:51

My eldest dd cried every morning at nursery (part of the school), then every day I dropped her off at reception for about half the year. She was fine if other people dropped her off, it was only for me. We still had a few days of tears in y1 and now in y2 she has only cried twice. Once on first day and once when she wasn’t feeling well but most of the time she runs off with her friends as soon as we get to the playground.

Justgivemesomepeace · 09/10/2018 11:55

My ds friend struggled with this and got very upset leaving her mum every morning in reception. The Headteacher appointed a lovely year 6 girl to meet her in the mornings at the door and she was happy to go in with her. It worked a treat for her.

RedSkyLastNight · 09/10/2018 11:56

Does she have a "best friend" she would walk in with?

Otherwise I sympathise. I had to peel a screaming DS off me every day through to the end of Y2. When he went to junior school I had to share the school run with other parents and he magically was fine about it all!

As long as they are ok once in, I think you have just to plant a smile on your face and try to ignore it.

lavenderlove · 09/10/2018 11:56

Hi my little boy did this every single morning of reception. Was fine once he was in but cried his little heart out every time he went in! I was dreading taking him to year one after the 6 week holiday break as I thought it would unsettle him even more, but he hasn't cried once! I think it's an age thing, they are still so little and I think a school day feels like a lifetime to them x

wafflethewonderdog · 09/10/2018 11:56

It's mostly my mum who does drop offs as I work 3-4 mornings but she's bad for both of us.
We've got parents evening later today so will see what they suggest 😳

MatildaTheCat · 09/10/2018 11:58

Does it help to remind yourself that she’s not crying about school but rather she has separation anxiety? She’s fine very quickly once you have left.

Lots of children do experience this, some (mine included) for quite a long time. I’m sure you are already doing this but keep calm, brisk and consistent and wave her off with a smile. Keep it quick and yes, being very organised in the morning helps.

Best wishes, it does unfortunately last for ages for some. She’s not unhappy at school, that’s the main thing.

Thatstheendofmytether · 09/10/2018 12:00

My ds1 did this, first year in nursery cried every day, second year he was fine, then into p1-p3 cried and begged for a day off nearly every morning it was heart breaking. He's in p6 now and he's over it and fine. My ds2 cried both years every day going to nursery but now in p1 goes to school without a fuss 90% of the time. I'm sure it will get better, some kids are just like that.

Thatstheendofmytether · 09/10/2018 12:01

It's bloody heart breaking though!

Zampa · 09/10/2018 12:03

What sorted it in the end was other people (dad, gran, me) doing the school drop offs

DD bawls at drop off. It's heart rending. I'm currently ill so my Dad did the school run this morning. No tears at all ....

FruitofAutumn · 09/10/2018 12:06

You say yourself she's fine when she gets there, so just be a lot more no-nonsense about the whole thing.Hold her hand walk along briskly but cheerfully chatting.Then 'well here we are,you o and hang your coat up have a good day and i'll see you at half past 3' and LEAVE
.

Original poster

Upanddownandroundagain · 09/10/2018 12:45

Her school don’t like parents to go into the school - they want us to leave them at the playground, which some people think is brutal but I think if I actually took her in she’d be worse. But that walk into the school has been quite off putting for her. There’s a sort of expectation that she’ll do it by herself - maybe I can make her more secure by saying that actually she can go with the teacher. She will go with friends, but only certain ones - and they tend to be in the breakfast club most days. And she does pretty much the same for my FIL who takes her two days a week.

This has all been so reassuring, because you see all the other kids trotting happily in and it feels like something has gone terribly wrong, you know?

OP posts:

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 09/10/2018 14:52

My DD started last year and still cries occasionally going into year 1. Same as you she is fine all morning and loves it once inside, it’s just the initial leaving that upsets her. I started just leaving her and walking away as there was nothing else I could do. The teachers aren’t so sympathetic in year 1 and weren’t helping at all in coming to get her (why should they, they have 29 other children to deal with!). I told her it makes mummy sad that we don’t get to say a proper goodbye on the days she cries. She’s been much better recently so fingers crossed!! I know after half term we’ll be back to square one

Flip