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AIBU?

To ask what your nearly 3 year old can do?

16 replies

Hoardernomore · 09/10/2018 08:43

Dd is 2.9 and everyone keeps comparing her (unfavourably) to her older brother at a similar age. I can’t decide if she’s ‘behind’ or he was ahead. Also everyone I know with toddlers of a similar age tell me how advanced their kids are and I tend to think mine are just normal - but maybe dd is behind given that ALL the others seem to be so bright.

Dd should have been end of February birthday so was 7 weeks prem but apparently by now that shouldn’t matter.

Dd can speak very well, complex sentences, can talk about what she did yesterday, today, tomorrow etc. Very very chatty. Very sociable and wants to make friends, good at sharing e.g. will finish with something and unprompted offer to someone else, or say to someone ‘your turn now’. She does a LOT of imaginary small world play. In fact that’s basically all she does.
Knows colours and basic shapes, can count by rote to 10 but only touch count to 3. Knows some nursery rhymes and songs. Just starting to pedal a bike and scoot. Ok at climbing, throwing, kicking etc. Dry in the day for about 6 months but still not reliably overnight.

Can’t do jigsaws, even basic four piece ones. Only the ones with pieces where you just put the right shape in the hole. Doesn’t draw or colour much, has no interest. Can’t use scissors. Doesn’t really bother with books, not really interested so wouldn’t sit and look at a book on her own unprompted which makes me sad. No interest in games like the orchard toys ones, just isn’t bothered about winning or competing and would much rather get her dolls’ house out.

I know they all do stuff at different times. I KNOW this and yet it still bothers me when people compare her to ds and all her cousins and she comes off worse EVERY single time. It doesn’t help that she has a cousin who is only three weeks younger who is super bright and already starting to read etc. Dd knows print conveys meaning - she will ask ‘what does this say?’ but that’s about it. However reading at 2 must be the exception not the norm, even on mumsnet! Grin

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arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2018 08:48

She sounds fine and normal.
My experience is that if a second child is non-competitive, they are behind the first as they don't get anywhere near the attention or time. However, if a second child is competitive, they are ahead of the first as they strive to keep up.
At this age, and given there's clearly nothing majorly underdeveloped, I think it's wrong to worry or give it any thought whatsoever.

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unlimiteddilutingjuice · 09/10/2018 08:49

Both my son and daughter could do less than that at 2.5/nearly 3.
My son was genuinely a bit behind (2 word sentences at 3) but is fine now.
My daughter was described as "very advanced" at her 2.5 development check. She could do the majority of what your kid can do but wouldn't have been able to pedal a tricycle.
It sounds like you are comparing your Dd to some exceptional and/or hothoused children.

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Oysterbabe · 09/10/2018 08:50

She sounds normal and I don't think you need to worry.

Since you ask, my DD is 2.10 and sounds about the same as your DD in most things you describe. She does like puzzles though and can do her 24 piece puzzles quickly. She recognises and can name all letters and numbers but can't read. She can recite the alphabet. She loves books and appears to be able to read, because she remembers what a lot of the pages say, she can't though.

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MerryTwinkletoes · 09/10/2018 08:51

Sounds perfectly normal to me and similar to my 2.8yo (although mine can't count!)

My older ds was born 9 weeks early and did struggle with fine motor skills (drawing, jigsaws) for longer than the 2 years they say it takes to catch up, he's getting there now though at 7yo.

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Myusername101z · 09/10/2018 08:53

She sounds lovely I love that she doesn’t want to compete and would rather play with her doll houseGrin , my baby is only 9 months so no advice on your actual question but I’m sure you have no reason to worry

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kaytee87 · 09/10/2018 08:56

She sounds pretty advanced to me.
Who is comparing her unfavourably? I'd stop seeing them, how rude.

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Hoardernomore · 09/10/2018 08:57

I feel part of why ds was ‘in front’ is he wanted to do it. Dd just has no interest. She knows about four letter sounds and that’s it. Ds had them all by 3. Dd just doesn’t care so I don’t bother trying to teach her! Ds was much more open to it and also picked things up almost instantly.
Dd picks some things up quickly but a lot of things she doesn’t.
Ds could never do jigsaws either though and it turns out he is dyspraxic so that is kind of at he back of my mind.

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Camomila · 09/10/2018 09:05

I think she sounds completely normal (as an ex early years teacher as well as a mum)

D.S. is 2.5 and people often say 'ooh he's very advanced' and is very similar in what he can do.
He's very chatty, does role play, and good at pedalling/scooter/anything physical but...
He can't reliably count to 10 (6-10 get muddled, but can touch toys and count to 5 or 6)
Only knows 2 shapes - star and circle
Will occasionally look at a book but his drawings are a 5min scribble then gets bored and wanders of.
Has never shown any interest in proper puzzles and is a menace with even paper scissors.

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arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2018 09:52

Parents often seem to think their own dc are advanced because they focus only on the particular thing their dc is advanced at.

I've been on mn about ten years and there are far more children who are 'top of the class' than there are classes.

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DinoGreen · 09/10/2018 10:09

My DS is 2.7 and he is very chatty, recites numbers to 20 and touch counts to about 7 reliably, very good at puzzles but doesn’t have such good fine motor skills for things like play dough, painting or drawing. He loves small world role play too, likes books but mainly for bedtime, recites his favourite books but is certainly a long way off reading! He is just starting to recognise numbers and he asks me what the letters are and can point out if there are two Es but doesn’t recognise them otherwise.
He can’t pedal yet and finds his balance bike very difficult (“too wobbly mummy”) but is a whizz on a scooter.

Your DD sounds perfectly normal.

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UserName31456789 · 09/10/2018 10:12

My Kids were ahead of DD in terms of counting and jigsaws and were dry at night but by the sounds of it were definitely behind yours in terms of social skills (which at that age are actually much more important). I think people tend to focus on the more "academic" skills when toddlers should be focused on emotional and social skills. It sounds like your DD is doing really well. You should be proud!

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KatyN · 09/10/2018 10:26

My daughter is 2.10 and pretty much exactly the same. She is a second child.
She does have a couple of exceptional skills.. she can open the baking cupboard and find the raisins and pour them all over the floor several times a day. this is the only time it is acceptable to not be touching me.

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Hoardernomore · 09/10/2018 10:37

Dd doesn’t recognise any numbers but I haven’t really tried to teach her I just admit.
She knows ‘s’ ‘p’ ‘c’ and ‘e’. I haven’t bothered with letters either really... she just isn’t open to it in the way ds was.

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DisappearingGirl · 09/10/2018 10:42

Another vote that she sounds completely normal! My DD1 loved drawing and colouring from an early age - however DD2 had no interest and preferred imaginative play like your DD. At age 3, even with encouragement, she would only put pen to paper for about 2 mins at a time. Now, aged 4 and just started school, she has just got into enjoying drawing (and early writing).

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Saltedcaramelcake · 09/10/2018 10:47

Your daughter sounds like she's way ahead of my daughter. My daughter is 2 and 9 months, she was very slow at learning to talk and has only really just started to speak in simple sentences. She wasn't prem and she doesn't have anything (that we know of) wrong with her, she's just a little bit slow.

I got a little bit obsessed with comparing her to my friend's little boy who is a week younger than her, he's done everything before she has, bar potty training. I realised quite a while ago when he started to talk quite clearly and my daughter was literally saying 3 words max that it wasn't healthy to be so obsessed with the speed they were developing and reaching milestones. My daughter is doing just fine, a little bit slower than others but I'm sure she'll catch up.

I was the same as a child, I was very slow at learning to talk and read but I achieved high grades and have 3 degrees. I'm dyslexic, so the chances are my daughter is too. I've decided I'm not going to stress myself out comparing her to other kids. I don't think anyone should compare, every child is different and will learn at their own pace.

I'm not going to compare but I've still writes this post Grin oops!

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HarveySchlumpfenburger · 09/10/2018 10:55

Sounds totally normal. It doesn’t really matter if she’s interested in letters/numbers at this age. It’s unlikely to make much difference in the long term.

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