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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think murdering your wife is not a ‘crime of passion’ ?

39 replies

cheminotte · 09/10/2018 07:11

There’s a big issue with how domestic violence murders are reported by the press. Often the focus is on the murderer and how he ‘snapped’ , minimising the crime. Also victim blaming, as if getting murdered can ever be the victim’s fault.

Article here

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/oct/08/husband-murdered-media-melanie-clark-domestic-violence-deaths

There’s a link to a petition in it to change the journalist’s code.

OP posts:
tsonlyme · 09/10/2018 07:14

The perpetrator was often a nice unassuming guy who would do anything for anyone. Including killing his wife, and sometimes his children too. It’s despicable.

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 09/10/2018 07:21

Perpetrators are often viewed as 'nice' guys, but are often controlling or abusive.

www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/hoped-controlling-father-would-die-instead-murdered-mother/

Chouetted · 09/10/2018 07:42

Well it probably is a crime of passion, unless he meticulously planned it in cold blood. I don't entirely see your problem - "abuser unable to control himself" is not particularly inaccurate?

Shoxfordian · 09/10/2018 07:44

Totally agree; the offender is often described as such a nice guy. There was an Irish case where a woman was murdered by her husband and the priest was still saying mass for him.

Original poster
cheminotte · 09/10/2018 07:49

Well a crime of passion translates as ‘he loved her so much he couldn’t bear her to be with anyone else’ - ie a jealous controlling man.
It is usually the culmination of years of abuse, not a one-off event.

OP posts:
Chouetted · 09/10/2018 07:51

I will add that the sort of minimising in the article you link to is inexcusable, but let's not pretend that every violent incident is meticulously premeditated. That just makes it sound like violent tempers are harmless, nor worth worrying about.

DrMumMum · 09/10/2018 07:52

Thank you, I have shared the petition on Facebook. Absolutely disgusting. I remember arguing there was no such thing as a 'crime of passion' when I was a teenager 20 years ago. It's sad to see nothing has changed.

AuntieStella · 09/10/2018 07:54

I bought 'crime of passion' was something like walking in on spouse with lover and killing one or both more or less on the spot. It was a French phrase originally wasn't it?

So yes, if it's being extended to creepy controlling types who claim their totally pre-meditated acts came from 'love', then yes that's a crime against the English language. (But a petition about it seems rather OTT)

TheSteakBakeOfAwesome · 09/10/2018 07:55

When my friend was murdered it was not a crime of passion - it was a crime of an utter arsehole who really hated the fact his wife had finally stood up to him and just completely butchered her.

Thankfully, because of the series of events leading up to his wife confronting him, the crime was fairly decently reported in the media for once.

Chouetted · 09/10/2018 07:56

Well it was a one off event, you can only murder someone once!

But, assuming you're right and "passion" in this case translates to "jealous rage" rather than any other kind of passionate rage, I don't see how that makes someone a "nice guy". Nice guys don't murder people in jealous rages (obvious exception for medical problems).

Bestseller · 09/10/2018 07:58

Of course it can be a crime of passion. Whether a crime of passions is a is more justifiable/less serious than other sorts is the issue.

Chouetted · 09/10/2018 07:59

@AuntieStella has articulated what I was trying to say far better than I can

DrMumMum · 09/10/2018 08:02

Auntie, the petition is about how news outlets report DV killings. The example they show and the sons' backstory is awful.

longwayoff · 09/10/2018 08:03

Its a crime of possession.

ghostyslovesheets · 09/10/2018 08:05

yes 'crime of passions' is very flowery - almost Mills and Boon language for the murder of someone - call it what it is - Yanbu OP

ghostyslovesheets · 09/10/2018 08:06

oh and ditto to 'honour killing' - nope that's just misogynistic murder with a different name

MemoryOfSleep · 09/10/2018 08:06

Also victim blaming, as if getting murdered can ever be the victim’s fault.

What do you think to this one?

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/sep/29/devoted-wife-who-killed-husband-with-hammer-sally-challen

Just curious.

Original poster
cheminotte · 09/10/2018 08:07

Agree ‘honour killing’ is just as bad.

OP posts:
Cyw2018 · 09/10/2018 08:08

As a paramedic both the domestic violence murders I've been to (one male on female, one female on male for balance!) have had a degree of premeditation, in one case driving to the location with the intention of killing, and waking away from the arguement into another room only to come back with a weapon and attack in the other. Both cases had long history of abuse/known to police. No "passion" in those cases, just abuse and control, and the ultimate control when the other has tried to end it.

Cyw2018 · 09/10/2018 08:08

Walking not waking

longwayoff · 09/10/2018 08:08

Auntie Stella. Read more.

ghostyslovesheets · 09/10/2018 08:09

Memory that is a narrative looking at the background to her abusive marriage and her possible motivation - given that the behaviour he displayed is now classed as abuse and wasn't at the time.

it still says she murdered him - no flowery language

Andromeida59 · 09/10/2018 08:22

I've also signed this. Why does the media continue to portray murderers as decent people?
I found this article very interesting: metro.co.uk/2018/07/26/my-father-killed-my-mum-and-sister-yet-media-reports-made-him-look-like-the-victim-7755179/

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 09/10/2018 08:24

Its a crime of possession.

That rings true to me longwayoff