To be upset over approach to snack time at nursery

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DD is suspected of having autism, we'll find out if they'll diagnose her in 3 months.

Since she's started nursery we've had staff saying she's fine, been doing well etc. Never really any complaints, except thay they can find it hard to watch her and run after her (we went to pick her up and they were shouting at her to get off play equipment)

But we've had an action plan given to us from senco which came from external team, theres a few things on there that I'm struggling to understand why it's not been brought up to me before being made official.
One is that DD hogs the snacks which are meant for sharing.. she just doesn't understand sharing and is used to having her own plate. It's made me upset because I could provide an extra snack for her to have her own if they'd mentioned it she already takes a packed lunch. I feel like they could have worked around it by giving her a plate of her own and putting her snacks on the plate without making such a big deal of it.
I don't know, I'm sat crying because i feel like it's not hard to talk to me so i can help. It's not fair nit picking at easily avoidable situations, she's oblivious to it all so i have the urge to stand up for her and protect her.

Neither of my DC have autism but I tried at dinner time once to put some veg sticks on a sharing plate between them...they were not impressed and wanted their own plate.

Ynbu op...it's a reasonable adjustment imo for them to make for her.

I thought we were past the days of expecting children with asd to just get on with it, regardless of how hf they maybe (which is totally irrelevant)

Ds would never have managed sharing if the schools approach had been , well he just has to get on with it

Luckily they didn’t , small steps and a bit of give and take often work the best

Oh dear poor dd. But this doesn’t mean her whole school life will be like this. It is a starting point. My son still can’t handle sharing (crisps or snacks etc) so still has to have his own plate. It’s not a big deal. Talk to them. You can work on this at home, though after nursery, with the exception of parties or buffets, it is unlikely to be an issue.

Thesmallthings - most nurseries have self service snacks the children get their own plate and serve a portion of food into it Im guessing that this is what this nursery does but LO takes control of the serving bowl.

OP you need to chat with the nursery the things on the action plan are areas to work on ie sharing and the opportunity identified is the snack area possibly because this is where the main interest is for your child its not a negative. I have one who does not self feed so his action plan is around self feeding it doesn't mean the parents haven't let him we have spent a year on getting him to hold a tool (anything pencil, brush) he now holds a spoon his current target is to get 3 spoons self fed in a meal, there would be no pint putting a target of making a mark on paper as he has no interest in that (it will be a long term goal at some point I'm sure just not now).
After each meeting we draw up a learning plan (ILP) that has to be specific and measurable it forms part of what will go into any request for educational support.

Thanks everyone
I'll have a chat with them especially if its getting too hard on Her. She does try sharing at home but not from plates because weve had to stop her dipping fingers into everyone else's plates, if she has a bag of snacks she will give us one and more if we ask.

The only reason i dont want to say that she will be diagnosed is because shes 3 and I've been told that girls are much more difficult to diagnose especially when like DD they mimic.
She can talk but can't communicate or understand very much, she knows to ask a question when she wants something but just asks a question instead of letting you know what item e.g. "can I?" Or "want one..that one" When she wants a drink.

She struggles with boundaries, change, a lot of sensory issues and needs constant supervision, she can unlock doors and would run off into the road without a thought or walk off with a stranger.