Career change and childcare

[Needlemaker]

Currently I work nights in a local shop see Dh 10 hours a week due to work patterns and get 5 hours sleep half the week if I'm lucky it's usually 4

Iv got a good chance but not guaranteed at learning a profession and being trained on the job being paid £2.50 more an hour to begin with and rising as I pass exams

I mentioned it to Mil saying I was looking into after school clubs to see if it's affordable as would need to treble Dd2s nursery and she doesn't qualify for funding till 2020 it would be tight for a year and a bit but after that id have the potential to out earm dp by double his wage Dp could go part time which he desperately needs to do as his is a very physical job and I desperately need the mental stimulation of working

Mil has gone batshit crazy kids can't go to after school we'll take them, no problem with that it's 3-5.15 2 days a week other days are covered
BUT
I don't want them in the holidays it's too much
Ok so I'll send the to holiday club like I was planning
BUT no they can't possibly go to holiday club 9-5 it's too much for the poor diddums

Argh am I BU to even be considering this job?
The kids are used to me being home most of the week I work when their asleep but i could afford holidays, new clothes that are not from eBay bundles, clubs, pocket money, savings even! All things I budget for 6 months in advance Dps and my undercrackers have more holes than they should because the kids come first we simply can't so it all on the wages right now
I know I just sound daft since it's not set in stone but I'm through to the 3rd set of interviews and they need someone asap so I'd need to have a plan in place

Well it's up to you and your dh. Your mil is kind to offer to look after them but it won't harm them to be in after school club or holiday club. Don't make such an important decision on the basis of what your mil thinks.

Fwiw, it sounds like a great opportunity to me.

Go for it
It'll give all your family a better quality of life after a couple of years
After that, it's all win-win

Also, it sounds like you need to replace some of your DP's income, so he can drop hours for his health

It sounds like it’s the best thing for the entire family, has great long term prospects and you’re really excited about it so I think you should do it. Ignore MIL it’s none of her business and don’t use her for childcare if you can afford not to.

Go for it, if your DP goes PT he will be around a bit in the holidays and you can take annual leave

Mine like holiday club.

Sounds like you'd actually have more family time, less stress and new pants

Don't let other people guilt you.

MIL works in a school so I think it colours her view of how normal it is to work holidays Sil her daughter has her own business as well so can pick and choose to some extent (they also live next door)

They helped out alot with dd1 and still try to take over now even though they have little to do with dd2 Dp is desperate to keep them around he's autistic, not formaly diagnosed but no doubt about it, and the rest of his extended family have little to do with him and it stresses him out thinking about it

DP desperately needs less hours at least knowing there was an end in sight would help tremendously I wish they'd stop the mind games I know it's not ideal but I can't stay home forever and the lack of sleep is damaging my health as well

its none of her business whether you send them to holiday club!

In what possible way would it be unreasonable of you to move to a job which
a) pays more
b has prospects and a career path
c) enables your dh to cut his hours
d) provides a better quality of life for your dc and your family
e) means you get a proper night's sleep every night
f) means you get to see you dh rather than playing tag team ???

Just one or two of them would be good enough reason, let alone all 6.
Quite frankley, even if it didn't provde any of them, it still isn't anyone else's business apart from you and dh.

Also, you will still get annual leave, plus your dh will be working fewer hours and still have annual leave, plus other family might help out with odd days here and there, so they won't always be in holiday clubs etc - even if they weren't fun places to be.

If I were you I would go for it but try to find a way to fund the hours without MIL’s input. If shes anything like my mum she will think that helping with the childcare gives her free reign to critisise every single parenting choice you make.

Have you tried the entitled to website to see if you’ll be entitled to any tax credits or UC? Tax free childcare etc?

She's making me doubt myself we are usually close not out for coffee every week but few times a year the odd shopping trip this is the first time she's done something like this I keep thinking should I change my mind?

Our area is moving to universal credit soon I think we would get around 200 a month dp earns £15k I would be on 13ish to start but I'm not sure as that seems high dd2 would be in nursery 25 hours at least and dd1 in after school club
Iv done the figures without help and we would make it with 100 for extras shoes ect each month after bills so it's doable after the first year wages would go up and dd2 would get her hours I did hope she would qualify for 2 year funding due to her cleft, speach and hearing loss but apparently not

I would feel bad taking annual leave for the school holidays but that's a good point I wouldn't need to use holiday club for alot of it

Other family are swamped with Dp's cousins children there are alot, my Ps are willing to help but have never been in a position to do much they're putting themselves out alot to have dds the days they would do Df had cancer Dm has dvts they live in their business as well so never stop think hotel

I hate that she can make me doubt myself this much

I completely get where you're coming from. My own mother is currently making me doubt myself for wanting to go back to work part time whilst I have 2 young children.

Although I haven't told her this, I've been finding it quite hard being at home all day with them as they're both very young and need me to do everything for them still (although I obviously love them both dearly). I've been looking for jobs for a while and was really pleased to be offered something flexible, part time, and interesting which would also be good for my CV. Having a good balance between working and being at home for them would be great for me right now and make me a lot happier than I am (and help with the extra income) and then my mum completely shot me down and basically told me I need to stay at home full time for the children! I was livid!

It does really make you doubt yourself, but there's no right or wrong answer, every family chooses to do what works for them, and I think it sounds like you're making a good decision for your family.

Did you take the job winter? I really hope you did! How cruel of your mother to make you feel bad for working part time? You absolutely should do it if it makes you happy. It's none of her business, was she a SAHM? I'm at home with two under 2 and I totally get what you mean - it's relentless!

@peakydante I'm just waiting to confirm some details with them, but assuming we can agree on a couple of things then yes I am taking the job.

I was actually really shocked when she said it, I just expected her support whether I chose to go back to work or not (we'd be ok if I didn't work for a while, but not permanently, so I'm lucky I have a choice at the minute). She was a SAHM but she knows that's not the norm these days like it was when she had children.