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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM issue

15 replies

Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 13:43

Went out for meal with DP family - Mum invited - DP 30th and was nice of DP been together a year, never met the all of family, so I was nervous anyhow. DP dad paid for everything though no one expected this, no one knew until DP dad went sorted the bill, though DP did mention it, everyone but my DM went to offer to pay something, accept my mum and didn’t even ask about the bill who to pay, considering she had most expensive course 29.90 everyone else it was 13/15 I’m horrified, though I would of prob paid for her anyway and DP said he pay for her anyway as DP invited DM but it was DP 30th

DP didn’t comment when I said about DM and just said don’t stress!
I even said to DP I should pay for her! 30quid main course!

AIBU to tell her how horrify I was DM not even offering to pay something towards her share?? Shock. DM possibly a CF

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 13:46

How old is she? Sometimes, older people think that if they've been invited, then they don't need to pay...that the person who asked does the paying.

How is your Mum usually on events like this?

Fairyliz · 08/10/2018 13:51

Well your DP has said don't stress, so he sounds lovely and trying to reassure you which is a good sign for a long term partner.

As to your mum what is she usually like? Is she generally an entitled person who thinks the world revolves around her? Alternatively is she generally a nice person and might have not noticed the cost of her meal? Several of my friends need glasses for reading but don't take them when we go out for meals?

Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 13:51

DM is 59 DP step mum whose 69 even went to offer to pay her share!!

Suppose it was daunting even I hadn’t yet met her brother and SIL and nieces! But was social chatting, I suppose she used to me paying or contributing but I did make it clear me and DP were skint so would need to pay her share which would be 40/50 pounds! but DP was like he wouldn’t leave her embarrassed and would pay for DM but she didn’t know this.

OP posts:
AuntBeastie · 08/10/2018 13:52

Had she seen that others had offered to pay and been refused? If so she probably didn’t want to press it. It’s not that unusual to assume that the person who invited you will pay unless it’s been made clear in advance.

Did she say thank you? If so I would say all fine. If not, that was rude!

AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 13:54

How would her share be 40-50 pounds if her course was 29??

Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 13:55

She can see the prices made the comment I will give you some money towards it, which I must not of noticed! I suppose before DM breakdown she worked all time as manager for retail store, and after breakdown she said she do a part time volunteering eventuality paid work, but never seen any sign of this since! Her new friends through support groups I don’t like tbh!

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 13:56

Main meal 30 dessert 7 and drink 3 so works out as 40.00 A’s didn’t order glass of wine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 13:59

Tbh I don’t think she saw anyone refused as they were at bar offering, DM didn’t even enquiry how to pay her share of bill. Or who paid! Until a conversation on table between DP DM and DP step mum as we got up to leave restaurant! Didn’t even ask DP.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 14:10

Oh just leave it OP. Beware future meals if you can't afford it. Sounds like she's had mental health issues. Perhaps cut her some slack.

KC225 · 08/10/2018 14:32

I don't understand. Your DP's Father paid the bill. Everyone else offered to pay except your DM. Are you saying that the bill was paid and then everyone offered the Father money for their share?

Was it actual cash, or just 'No, let me give you some money towards it.' I call it the 'Let me get it' dance.

If she thought the Father had paid the bill for his son's 30th then I think you are being a bit harsh. If she hadn't met them before, then she may have assumed that offering to pay under such circumstances would have been insulting.

Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 20:58

I suppose I didn’t help paying for her all the time.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 08/10/2018 21:04

I think you're making this into an issue when it really doesn't need to be. The meal was paid for, yeah it was rude for her to assume it would be paid for her, but no harm done. Next time you go out for a meal, just make it clear to her that she pays her own way, especially if she Intends on ordering the more expensive dishes

TruelyTruelyScrumptious · 08/10/2018 21:14

She was invited out for dinner ?

Surely the person who invited pays? Was that the father?

I have never been for a family meal where the bill is split, is that normal?

Original poster
Housingcraze · 08/10/2018 21:36

My DP invited DM last minute to help my nerves! DP was happy to pay, but I suppose as DP DM didn’t know DM was coming! I just hoped she gone offered something towards like everyone else did!

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 22:35

You're starting to sound a bit neurotic. Calm down about it. Your partner said it was fine.

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