AIBU?
AIBU to feel p'd off?
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 09:38
I am in two minds on this but my overall feeling is one of exasperation!
So this weekend me and my partner had drinks out in our city. We had a dinner and approx 5 drinks each so while nice and fuzzy, we were not messy.
On our walk to a taxi rank to get home we passed a really busy area (saturday night usual noise and a bit messy). We passed a couple who were in the mid to late 20s and the man had the woman pushed up against a wall and was roaring into her face and she was putting her hands up to move him back and he was pushing them down.
My partner called out to him to stop and the guy who was a small but stocky guy immediately stopped what he was doing but got in my partners face and said he was going to break his jaw and myself and this girl had to stand in between both fellas as it became heated. The guy pushed my partner who (thankfully) went down onto the ground and in this time another man came over and the couple and the guy walked the other direction
I get why my partner did it but seriously, wtf was he thinking also? This could have gone really badly and the girl still had to walk off with her boyfriend who was now probably twice as amped. Myself and partner have agreed to disagree on this but now I am a bit concerned that he is liable to put himself in danger and it worries me whereas he feels he did the right thing.
AIBU to feel either way ?
Chipbutty67 · 08/10/2018 09:41
I’m sorry, he did do the right thing. I know nothing has changed this one time, but the abusive man now knows people are willing to call him out in public. That poor woman knows someone stood up for her. Your partner acted like a decent human being.
Uncreative · 08/10/2018 09:43
He did the right thing. It was also potentially dangerous. But I am on side of good on him. If I were in trouble, I would hope he (or someone like him) was walking by.
PlateOfBiscuits · 08/10/2018 09:44
I thought you’d be pissed off at the abusive guy - not your DP. I get that you were worried he could have been hurt but overall don’t you feel it was right to step in?
Shoxfordian · 08/10/2018 09:45
Yeah he definitely did the right thing, you should be proud of him not pissed off
cjb57 · 08/10/2018 09:48
Would you rather he totally ignored it, leaving the possibility of some poor woman being further verbally abused or worse. Of course he did the right thing.
TheStoic · 08/10/2018 09:50
Thank goodness for blokes like your DP. I’d feel very proud of my partner if he stepped in to help someone being assaulted.
Kolo · 08/10/2018 09:51
I’d be proud of my husband if he did that. Yes, it was a dangerous thing to do. But bullies get away with things like this when everyone is too scared to act. Maybe the woman still went home with him, but your OH at least added to the narrative that it wasn’t an ok thing for that guy to do.
Bluntness100 · 08/10/2018 09:53
How could you feel that he shouldn't get involved when he sees a man abusing a woman?
Seriously?
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 09:53
Yes my partner is a very decent person and having been bullied himself in his youth he puts himself out there (in work situations etc) for people.
I am proud of him, i also really am aware of the danger he put himself in and it worries me.
It worries me that the girl had to go home with that guy. She was young too. Sigh
As I said we agreed to disagree on it and both said our part, but I am anxious since then and mind spiralling with what ifs
I appreciatie the responses here, thank you
TheStoic · 08/10/2018 09:55
It’s worrying to consider the ‘what-ifs’, but actually being pissed off? That’s unreasonable.
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 09:56
Bluntness, my reaonsing is that there could have been so many variables of things that could have gone wrong. He could have gotten badly hurt, he could have gotten arrested, this guy could have had friends nearby, this girl could have turned. I am sure you can acknowledge that there are dangers as opposed to asking seriously??? Did you read my full post?
ellendegeneres · 08/10/2018 09:56
So if you were worried about the girl why didn’t you call the police? She’s with a man who assaulted her in public, he could have been stopped!
I admire your dp, mine would have done the same
Feellikeimthemaid · 08/10/2018 10:00
He did the right thing and was brave to do so in today's climate where you don't know what may happen. So many times you hear of bad events and that people chose to ignore them because they thought only of their own safety. Your DP saw a woman in trouble and his instinct was to intervene.
BTW, this woman didn't have to walk off with the abusive man, she could have taken the opportunity to walk off in your direction. More fool her if she chooses to put up with that behaviour.
Feel proud of your DP. I'm pleased nothing bad happened to him.
TeeBee · 08/10/2018 10:01
He totally did the right thing. I was once in a pub with a bunch of blokes and outside we could clearly see a bloke in a telephone box punching the hell out of his girlfriend. Not one of those blokes in that pub attempted in any way to make him stop...not one. I was utterly disgusted. If they had banded together they could have stopped him. So I intervened myself by banging on the window and then going out and pulling the girl away from him. It still sticks with me how gutless those guys were in the pub. Your partner did the right thing. In that instant that person needed help.
Want2beme · 08/10/2018 10:04
I tried to intervene and my xP stopped me. His DB had intervened and found himself arrested and in court for doing so. I have to say, I'd still find it difficult to walk by.
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 10:06
Oh god TeeBee that is terrible.
The poor woman.
A gang of men ignoring is terrible and would disgust me also esp as you say they could have banded together.
Thank you everyone for your responses, I need to override my feelings of anxiety on this and see this for what it is. I just wish none had happened and I am very glad he was not hurt.
Feellikethebarmaid, you are right, so many people think of their own safety and bad things happen. this was a very busy area with lots of foot traffic and he was the only one who did something. It is just a horrible feeling of what ifs
TrudeauGirl · 08/10/2018 10:07
I'm sorry I think he did the right thing to. Yes it was dangerous but he tried to defend that woman.
CheNina · 08/10/2018 10:19
Thing is OP you don't think about the what ifs at the time. Your DP saw a woman being threatened and assaulted and rightly he stepped in thinking that she needed help at that moment in time. Rational thought wouldn't have kicked in until afterwards. He was acting on instinct, and the fact that your DP's instinct is to protect a person in danger is a very good thing. Bravo to him.
Have you thought about the fact that you telling him that the bloke might've been more amped up and he may have made the situation worse is quite cruel? How do you think this makes your DP feel? He was trying to help. I would've bought my DP a beee after this and absolutely endured him he did the right thing.
SondheimFan · 08/10/2018 10:22
I agree with most of other posters, OP, but can quite understand you also got the retrospective 'fear of what might have happened' horrors, which are also understandable.
Completely off-topic, but does 'messy' now mean 'drunk and disorderly'? I've never come across it used this way -- is it regional?
GreenMeerkat · 08/10/2018 10:25
I completely understand why you were worried but so many people nowadays are so worried about themselves that they rarely stop to help others and it's a sad situation to be in.
I've been in the position. I was being held against a wall by my throat and the number of people who just walked past and stared was astonishing. Luckily one man stopped to help, if he hadn't, it could have been a lot worse.
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 10:26
Ah, I am Irish Sondheimfan and messy means pissed and bit falling about a bit.
Porridgeprincess · 08/10/2018 10:29
GreenMeerKat I hope you managed to get away from this person and situation long term.
Gersemi · 08/10/2018 10:31
It worries me that the girl had to go home with that guy. She was young too. Sigh
Wouldn't you have been more worried about that if your partner hadn't intervened?
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