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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think it's hard to sort out childcare?

47 replies

user1486333358 · 08/10/2018 09:02

I'm a teacher and am not at work today because my child is sick. We have no family in this country, no childminder or nanny or family friend to step in. My partner is a contractor and if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid. I'm at a loss as what to do that is economical and also know I'm on short maternity cover contract at work so don't want to miss too many days. Also it was very awkward calling in about my child's sickness and not my own. What are the requirements for schools when the teacher's children are sick? What do other teacher's do in the London area or anywhere when they need emergency childcare? Thanks

OP posts:

QueenofmyPrinces · 08/10/2018 11:19

I emailed my Manager earlier
to say I may not be in on Wednesday due to DS being unwell with D&V and he wasn’t impressed. He basically said he expects me to make an alternative childcare arrangement and to ring him later
Once I’ve sorted it.

Never mind the fact that my son (14 months) hasn’t been able to keep any solids down for 3 days and can only tolerate breast milk.

And what does he think these alternative childcare options are? Does he think I’ve got a whole host of unemployed friends and family to choose from all who want to look after my infectious vomiting baby from 6.30am??

Bowties · 08/10/2018 11:33

I'm afraid that's what working parents have to juggle all the time. It's then questionable is it really worthwhile for all this crap? If it is then stop complaining! if it isn't you have to manage without the income!

user139328237 · 08/10/2018 11:39

There is no right to time off for more than 1 day to make alternative arrangements so those of you already planning to be off on Wednesday really need to phone an emergency nanny agency if you want to keep your jobs.

Drummingisfun · 08/10/2018 11:51

But no paid childcare is going to take a child with D+V and if you have no family nearby you just have no choice but to be off.
I am a teacher, currently being a sahm. When I returned after first DC he was ill constantly for the first 6 months he was in childcare because other parents sent their kids in unwell. He then picked up all their bugs including chickenpox. myself and DH had to alternate days off, we had no choice. You cannot leave a sick baby with a stranger, it's not fair, a sick baby just wants their mum or dad.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 08/10/2018 11:52

My employer contracted an emergency nanny service to avoid this - they paid the retainer and we were supposed to call the agency by 8am to get someone to you 9-5. Didn't work out with a 90 minute commute, and who wants to leave a sick child with a complete stranger in what's to them a strange house... but ok if you could wfh.

QueenofmyPrinces · 08/10/2018 12:08

....so those of you already planning to be off on Wednesday really need to phone an emergency nanny agency if you want to keep your jobs.

I’m not sure any nanny would want to look after a vomiting child with diarrhoea?! I’m pretty sure they know how contagious it is and wouldn’t risk passing it on.

The irony is that it’s my childminder’s children who have passed it on to my son. My other son also goes to that childminder so knowing my luck he will come down with it too...

IStandWithPosie · 08/10/2018 12:13

So emergency nanny comes to look after child with D&V, all good, Mum and dad go to work, next day, emergency Nanny has D&V caught from baby so not only does Mum or dad still have to take off work (will the agency really send another nanny to get ill?) but now the nanny hasn’t to take off work and the agency has to find cover for them.

Sounds like a plan

ClockworkNightingale · 08/10/2018 12:18

This has been heavily on my mind as we head into D&V season again. At least a few times a week, I remind my children to make sure they wash their hands before they eat at school. But apparently they're not allowed to wash their hands before lunch because it would take too long. Poor infection control in schools must cost the UK economy many multiple pounds every year . . .

speakout · 08/10/2018 12:27

I sympathise.

I had to give up my career.
My DS had chronic health problems all the way through primary years, never more than 80% attendance.

No family support.

I had to work out other ways to earn money from home.

CookingGood · 08/10/2018 12:55

Why would you be a lazy layabout when being a SAHP? You're not say on your bottom all day surely?

Obviously not. But it seems it’s only acceptable to be a SAHP if you’re part of a couple and being supported by your partner, if you’re being supported by the state then you’re not a SAHP, just unemployed, along with all the stigma that goes with it.

I’d love to be a SAHM but would have to claim benefits to enable it, as my exh decided to go back to his home country and not provide for his dc.

Echobelly · 08/10/2018 13:09

Childcare is the bane of my life! Totally the most stressful household thing for me a lot of the time, especially once you have kids at school and need reliable wraparound, which is so hard to find. When arrangements fall through it's the worst.

We have au pairs now, but it's meant the stress of finding a new one every 6 months. It falls to me as DH just isn't aware enough of it and I need to know it's sorted.

I still have faff in the holidays as we can't ask au pairs to have them all day, so I still have to find holiday activities during the day, which is going to get really hard from this year, as DD will be 11 next summer and is getting too old to go to the same things as her brother (3 years young) because she's starting already to find the 'babyish' and after she's 12 it won't even be an option.

I'm lucky about emergencies, as my parents are nearby and not walking, though abroad often, plus my work is quite good about me working from home if kids are ill (and they're old enough that it's not difficult to be at home with them and get work done)

Echobelly · 08/10/2018 13:10

*not working, not 'not walking'!

Believeitornot · 08/10/2018 13:14

“Phone an emergency nanny”

Yes because people want to hand their ill child over to some random. I’ve used nanny emergency care before but I was in the house at the time as working at home. No way would I have been happy doing this with an ill child, handing them to a stranger for a day.

Luckily I had a nanny - an absolute god send when my children were ill as I could still go to work. If we used nursery or childminders we’d have been screwed.

Biibywiiby · 08/10/2018 14:26

CookingGood. Then in your case you'd have to claim the benefits. it's not a bad thing, They're there to support you. You didn't ask to be walked out on and for father to not contribute so don't be too hard on yourself. Chasing your ass around trying to work juggle and keep afloat for being no better off is useless. Get the support that's offered to you until you can support yourself!

The80sweregreat · 08/10/2018 14:46

its an old dilemma unfortunately - children do become ill and many schools may do wrap around care but only during term time as well. without any family back up from anywhere, its so hard and a lot of the reason that one parent often has to stay at home and not work ( unless they can work round it by doing nights or something, only doable if there are two of you of course) not to mention the cost of it all as well.
i really do feel for today's young , if you want a family its harder than ever as everything is so expensive and people need to work.
there is also the judging aspect of it all as well - dammed if you and dammed if you don't.
i hope your little one gets well soon - lots of good advice on here as always.

user1497863568 · 08/10/2018 17:58

Why would a friend want to look after a sick child though? It's a big ask even of a family member. You need to take days off.

PeanutButterAndJamOnToast · 08/10/2018 18:27

OP, I'm on week 2 of being off with my DS who has quite severe HFMD. My parents are both immunosuppressed, and could be come seriously unwell if they catch it, my DSis works and DP doesn't speak to any of his family. Nursery have said he cannot go back in until the spots are all gone. DP is in a new job and won't get paid and also don't want it to come back on him as an excuse to get rid of him in the future. Thankfully I have been in my job a good few years, and have plenty of annual leave or toil but my absence record is ridiculous, for being off with DS and then being off myself after catching whatever DS had. There's nothing I can do about it, and depending on who I speak to when I ring in, they're generally ok about it and understand it comes with the territory or having kids. Some of them can be arsey about but I've never had more than a few huffs and puffs, I'm ready for the argument if the day ever comes where someone questions it.

Absolutely no way would I 'just call an emergency nanny'

frenchknitting · 08/10/2018 19:51

Who are these "emergency nanny" people? Do they actually exist outside central London? The only person within 50 miles of me on sitters.com is an evening babysitter 35 miles away.

OP - is your DHs job at all flexible in terms of hours? In the past DH and I have both worked from home. I'd work 5am - 1-ish while he minded the child then we swapped and he worked into the evening. We'd swap over in the day a few times to dial into meetings and answer emails. We are both very lucky to have flexible employers.

Could he work part of the day around school hours?

hibbledibble · 08/10/2018 19:54

The school have to give you time off legally when your child is sick, it comes under carer's leave. It is only paid at their discretion though.

When my child is sick either someone takes time off work, or sometimes grandparents can help. You could try an emergency nanny, but personally I wouldn't feel comfortable with this, and the cost may well be more than your lost pay.

Everytimeref · 08/10/2018 20:04

I had to take emergency leave this week as my father was rushed to hospital. Luckily my workplace will pay me.

PoodleJ · 08/10/2018 20:04

I'm a teacher when my kids are ill I have had the afternoon off and got my husband to do the morning then he work later to catch up with his work and the majority of the my lessons are over in the morning. It's not ideal but better than having the whole day off.

Original poster

user1486333358 · 09/10/2018 09:29

Thanks everyone, seems like a lot of people are in the same boat as me. I'll just have to take days off when necessary and hope there aren't too many. Sending and :)

OP posts:

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