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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To quit my job?

18 replies

Ilovewineandchocolate · 07/10/2018 20:44

Background: widowed three years ago, have two teenage children. I have muddled through since it happened working full time and looking after the children. But I am deeply unhappy. I am always stressed, always moaning, have become a sh##t friend. Never feel like I have enouhg time for anything. I’m worried about m y healt, have put on. stone in weight , drink too much ( way of dealing with loneliness and grief), and not enough exercise. Just feel like I need some time to myself to breathe, take it all in, and improve my well being, but I am worried about financial security and what other people think, like it would have been acceptable at the time to quit, but now everyone will have expected me to get over it. Whereas I haven’t I miss him everyday 😕Life is short, I just want to be happy, but I don’t know how to get there, and feel like I need time to think about how I approach life going forward. What do you think? x

OP posts:

RandomMess · 07/10/2018 20:49

Can you cope financially if you quit? If the answer is yes do it!

extremelymaturecheese · 07/10/2018 20:49

If you can afford it, you do what is right for your mental health. It may be expensive, but I'd imagine it would be a lot less expensive than a breakdown.

If you're worried about money, would your workplace allow you to take a career break? Some places will allow you to take 3 months or more. That way you can have time to take for yourself and have a job waiting for you.

PS: Fuck what people think. They get judgy over the silliest of things. The people who matter most will support you the best they can.

Sakura7 · 07/10/2018 20:51

I'm sorry you've had to go through this OP. I'm sure there will be people who caution against it, but I think sometimes we know when we've had enough and need a breather. In my view your mental health always comes before a job.

You could alternatively go to your GP and get signed off for a few weeks with stress, or talk to your manager about a career break.

Whatever you decide, take care of yourself x

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/10/2018 20:51

Is part time an option?

FunSponges · 07/10/2018 20:52

Without your job to focus on, will it make you more depressed?

Not the same but I couldn't work for years and was at home all day every day. It made me miserable. I'm now working again, nothing massively exciting but I love it. It gives me a focus and a purpose, people to see each day, things to talk about when out of work. I'd get depressed again if I didn't have that.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 07/10/2018 20:53

It sounds like you need to take some time to just rest and recover, OP. Is it going to be possible to take time away without quitting, or will you need to leave completely?

FunSponges · 07/10/2018 20:53

Oh, I am part time and I feel this is a good balance. I wouldn't (and couldn't) do full time but part time is just enough. Could this be an option?

Fieldsofbarleyy · 07/10/2018 20:56

"but now everyone will have expected me to get over it."

Anyone who had been through grief knows that you do not get over it, you learn to live with it, anyone who thinks you should get over it you pee off!

My mum died when I was 13, and my dad didn't properly grieve until 10 years later.

Do whatever is best for you, ignore what people think xx

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/10/2018 20:57

Could you take a long sabbatical rather than quit? I would say I’d be concerned about you possibly getting more depressed if you don’t have to go to work. Would you actively do things to get out and about and see people ?

Shylo · 07/10/2018 21:00

Bugger what anyone else thinks!

It does sound like you need some breathing space OP. Unless you can cope financially without a job I’d caution against it, getting back into work later will only add to your stress. Do you think you could extended leave from work?

Mishappening · 07/10/2018 21:01

See if you can get signed off for a while and approach CRUSE who counsel people of all ages who are bereaved.

It sounds as though you have done really well, but just hit the buffers.

It may be that having a break and having some counselling during that time might help you to make the right decision. The downside of not working is that you will have less contact with people and your chidlren are on the verge of starting lives of your own; so a whole rethink might be what is needed with the support of a counsellor to bounce ideas off.

I chucked my career at the age of 50 and took a whole new turn in life - it was the refreshment that I needed.

I wish you lots of luck with all this.

thetigerthatcamefortea · 07/10/2018 21:02

I say do what ever you have to do.
Who gives a fig what people think.
However.... not the same but I’m fairly vulnerable, having had a traumatic 12 months and work hard and have small children. I crave days off from work but what I have realised over the last 12 months is my mental health spirals down when I have a couple of days off. I struggle with the lack of routine. Never seem to do stuff for me or even for the greater good of my family and lounge around and think too much.
We are all different though. Life is indeed short

Magik1 · 07/10/2018 21:02

Totally agree with you , if you feel you need time to take a good long hard look at your life and your happiness you owe it to yourself to make that time. As PPs have said maybe consider a career break so you can go back to work or while you’re off/if you quit look for another job one or two days a week so you have something to go back to eventually. It takes time to get a job. It will be better for your mental health to have a purpose and a financial income.

ilovesooty · 07/10/2018 21:07

Grief is different for everyone and and you need to do what feels right for you and your well being. The expectations of other people aren't important. I hope things improve for you soon whatever you decide to do.

bridgetreilly · 07/10/2018 21:07

Yes, take a break. I worked half-time for six months last year and it helped me get so many things back in place in my life. Take time off or cut down hours or whatever you need.

Genevieva · 07/10/2018 21:37

Can you have a conversation with your employer about the fact that your grief is causing you problems and ask if you could go part time or have a sabbatical so you can get your head in a better place? You don't have to give them details about the ways in which your grief is affecting your health. That is between you and your doctor. But do also go and see your doctor. It sounds like you have battled through for the sake of your children and that you haven't really had a proper opportunity to process your emotions. You may find some CBT or grief counselling would help enormously. If it isn't your sort of thing (and it isn't for everyone) then you might find carving out some time for an activity that involves spending time with non-work colleagues would help. It would be easier to do that if you can arrange something with work that either gives you a part-time income or allows you to go back after an extended period of leave.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/10/2018 21:47

I think you can take up to 4 weeks unpaid leave each year for each child (up to max of 18 weeks each in total) so could you take 8 weeks off. Would give you time to breathe without the risk of not being able to get a job at the end of it.

Sakura7 · 08/10/2018 08:08

It would be interesting to hear from people who left their jobs for similar reasons, as sometimes the job itself is part of the problem. I would hope most potential employers wouldn't be too concerned about a short gap.

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