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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wide awake kids

30 replies

Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 20:32

My DH took the kids out today to his mothers, he did this so I could have a day to myself and rest a bit as I never get proper time off, he works full time and on the weekends we do things together as a family.

Anyway he said he would be gone all day until bedtime which is 7. They normally fall asleep nicely on the drive home (30-40mins) and everything runs smoothly. When I visit my parents who live very close to my PILs that's how I do it and it works fine.
So I get a message at 6 saying they have left and are on their way home. I'm a bit confused as I'm thinking that's a whole hour before the DC's bedtime but maybe they are extremely tired and he's decided to leave early. He pulls up around 40mins later and guess what... 2 wide awake kids!
I take them straight up to bed and here I am almost 2 hours later with 2 wide awake kids!
I asked him why he's home earlier than planned and he says MIL was tired and wanted to rest after spending all day with the kids.

Aibu to be really really annoyed right now that I really want to let loose on him about his visits to his mothers?!
Every single time he goes there with the kids this happens, she thinks she's being the cool grandmother by stuffing them with sweets and chocolates and other crap (I've seen this with my own eyes, she pulls out tubs of sweets and chocolates) and then sends them home for me to deal with 2 devil kids. They are currently singing in their beds. They should have been asleep ages ago and they have school tomorrow!

I feel like I'm overreacting as I've had a nice relaxed day but at the same time I feel like what was the point of it when bedtime Is taking me almost 2 hours and still no luck!

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 07/10/2018 20:34

Could you go with them and 'police' what they eat? Could your DH not step up and 'police' their diet?

No point blaming the MIL when their other parent is sat in the same room.

SoyDora · 07/10/2018 20:37

If they’re still wide awake 2 hours after their bedtime, they would probably have stayed awake in the car even if your DH had left an hour later?

Notrightatall · 07/10/2018 20:37

Yanbu and yabu. That's what grand parents do! But it was dhs job to monitor the sugar consumption. If it makes you feel any better I am lying down with 2 of my 3 kids because they can't sleep.... they are just refusing to sleep but are tired and are closing their eyes. Also if it makes you feel any better.... in 7 years I've never had a day without at least 1 of them Sad dh works 7 days a week and I do too but from home whilst juggling the kids. It's crap but once they are asleep grab some wine. Or go down stairs and send dh up!

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 07/10/2018 20:41

Also, I tend to tell the DC now that if they can't sleep that they can lie in their beds reading and resting. It negates the whole "Mum, Mum, Muuuuum" shouting down the stairs because they know I know they're awake, plus they feel a little more independent being allowed to stay up a little later. (Obviously ignore this if they're at the delinquent toddler/mad stage where you can't trust them to lie in bed at night yet).

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 21:01

My DH already got it in the ear, I know I am being unreasonable. It's just so frustrating when the kids don't sleep and it only tends to happen when they visit my MIL. It just seems to be a pattern and I'm talking about even when the kids go without either parent, it's the same scenario later that night. They are only 3 and 4 so still young and still need the whole putting to bed phase. They just finally slept and I've calmed down a bit.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 07/10/2018 21:03

Firstly, I am quite jealous that you've had a whole day to yourself, secondly, why the regimental routine? You've not seen thy dc all day, could you not have spent an hour with them first then sent them to bed? Grandparents give kids treats, that's just what they do!

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 21:04

@SoyDora it seems like that's the logical thing that would happen but no they would have been ready for bedtime as that's their routine and would have definitely slept on the car journey home. I've done it many many times and it's been smooth sailing.

OP posts:
Notrightatall · 07/10/2018 21:04

Mine are all asleep now too! Cheers Wine haha. Now I need to make dinner for when dh gets home from work.... just never ends does it. Go put your feet up x

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 21:08

@bobstersmum I am actually quite laid back with the kids but since they started nursery/school it's important they sleep around the 7 o'clock mark otherwise they won't be able to get up at 6.45am to get ready for school. I know what they are like and like today sleeping at 9, they will be grumpy and tired in the morning instead of the usual happy kids who wake up themselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 21:18

And sorry for the rant I was just really frustrated and my MIL was at the brunt of it. I will just put it down to an off day. We can all put our feet up for a bit now before tomorrow comes! Enjoy ladies. Smile

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/10/2018 21:19

Jesus wept. Some people are never happy.

riversideapartment · 07/10/2018 21:41

Sorry but I had to Grin at They are currently singing in their beds

If DS sleeps in the car at that time he is awake until 9 or 10. It’s like a power nap for him! So he no longer goes anywhere on Sunday afternoons with DH! If I go too I can keep him awake but not if DH is driving alone.

It’s a pain because I only get Sunday mornings to myself but at least I don’t have the stressful bedtime and frantic Monday mornings...

Crunchymum · 07/10/2018 21:49

Your school age kids are in bed by 7pm?

Blimey.

A one off isn't going to hurt tho?

riversideapartment · 07/10/2018 21:55

Crunchymum What’s wrong with that?

SoyDora · 07/10/2018 22:06

My 4 and 3 year olds are in bed for 7 too.

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 07/10/2018 22:11

It took months and months of sleepless nights and hard work to get into this bedtime routine. No a one off doesn't hurt but not on a Sunday when we have nursery the following morning. It will effect the whole day tomorrow. A lot of people will understand what I mean, others will think I'm being over the top.

OP posts:
OracleofDelphi · 07/10/2018 22:15

It’s 1 day ... I think you need to relax tbh - YABU ... he took the kids out all day - so you had a whole Sunday to yourself and you are cross because his mum was tired ?? Some people are never pleased ... stop crystal balling - they will be tired tomorrow night . Oh and I wish my kids were asleep for 9 pm .... 11 and 10 here and pre 9 brdtimes are a thing of the past .... if I’d taken my kids out all day and come home to a grumpy DH who just had a massive go st me I’d think she was uptight and ungrateful !

riversideapartment · 07/10/2018 22:51

I understand OP! You’re the one who has to deal with the fallout from sugar and lack of sleep. As for the “should be grateful you had a Sunday to yourself” remarks, gee, you got much needed rest, physically and mentally, what a treat 🙄.

The thing is, you could have the Sunday rest AND a decent bedtime if MIL didn’t feed them crap, so you vent away. There is no need for it.

Can DH take them to his parents on a Saturday instead so they can have a late night?

OracleofDelphi · 07/10/2018 23:19

9 pm still is a decent time to have a rest in the evening when you’ve had all day to yourself !! If this really is an issue then tell dh he has to do bedtimes if him dm gives the kids sweets ....

And yes I do think a whole Sunday to yourself is a luxury irrespective of your gender !

whatwouldhappenif · 07/10/2018 23:37

And yes I do think a whole Sunday to yourself is a luxury irrespective of your gender !

Some people wouldn't want that. My DH wouldn’t. I NEED breaks like that. My DH gets to speak to adults if he wants to and have lunch and go to the loo on his own all day every weekday. He had his own office, a desk job, he has quiet and space and time...

I don’t. I’m frazzled by the weekend and a week of firefighting. I need the rest. I’d be ill (and have been) without it. DH wants to get out and about at the weekend, not rest.

It’s not a luxury for some of us, it’s a necessity for mental and physical health.

As for the bedtime. I understand the OP’s frustration. When DH cooks a meal he wrecks the kitchen, uses every pan and clears nothing away. The meal might be nice but then you walk in the kitchen and bam! Was it worth it? DH won’t get around to doing it because he’s tied now, he’s cooked s meal. You could have made the meal and cleared up in half the time. A nice gesture yes but the price is high.

It’s like that.

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 08/10/2018 07:14

Thank you to those who understand where I'm coming from. I get that some of you think I'm being dramatic and ungrateful but it was the first WHOLE day I've had to myself in a very very long time, I can't actually remember the last time. But here I am today trying to wake the kids and they are fast asleep. We need to be at nursery for 8. So I wasn't just being a cow, it really does effect the whole next day.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 08/10/2018 07:16

I completely get the affecting the next day thing, mine need their 12 hours sleep and I know it’s going to be a crappy day if they’ve had a late night. DD1 has just started school and needs as much sleep as she can get (as it is she was up at 5.30am coughing this morning so I already know shes going to be a nightmare after schooo!).

AlpineButterfly · 08/10/2018 07:30

I get what you're saying, op. Interestingly I have one that I really need to ensure has decent naps, decent bedtime routine and a fixed, early bedtime and one that literally doesn't care when he naps, how long does, doesn't need a bedtime routine or a fixed time to go up.

SoyDora · 08/10/2018 07:31

Having said that I don’t think it’s worth getting all too worked up about. If your MIL said she was tired, DH could hardly hang around for another hour could he? Of course she shouldn’t be feeding them so much junk, your DH needs to monitor it more effectively next time.
Hope you had a nice day off.

Original poster
Lulu2106 · 08/10/2018 07:50

I'm glad at least some of you think I'm not being over dramatic regarding the sleep routine. But new day, new attitude! Hope you all have a good one today.Smile

OP posts:
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