To look for employment elsewhere??

[tams1uk]

My current job has been going through some ups and downs and the financial security of the company is looking less secure with each passing day. I’ve been job-hunting for the past 9 months, but don’t want to just jump at anything and to be honest, the opportunities in my field have not been great.

The problem is, I have a 3 yo DD with my ex. We share our time with her almost exactly, he’s a great dad, responsible, we have a good relationship now, etc etc. However, the area we live in is known to be quite deprived. Neither of us is from here originally, so we have no family, etc around us.

Would I be unreasonable to look at applying for jobs in the next city, closest to us? It’s an hour commute from where I am now, but would possibly look to move towards halfway. The problem that arises is that once DD starts school, the time arrangement would probably have to alter, etc.

I know him well enough to know that he will dig his heels in and say she can’t move with me, etc. But surely being in a more financially secure and happier work environment would benefit her as well?

I don’t want to sound like I’d be punishing him unnecessarily, but I’m really feeling quite trapped in this place and this job at the moment.

Taking her away from her dad would outweigh any benefit of you being more financially secure.

If you lose your job and can't afford to stay in your current city, a court would rule in your favour to move, but given that you've said he's a good dad I'd be reluctant to take DD away from him unless it's utterly avoidable. That being said, half an hour away isn't unrealistic to keep doing 50-50 access I don't think? We commute an hour each way on public transport each way daily to school and it's fine. If you have a good relationship right now why not have the conversation? Maybe he'll surprise you

At the end of the day you've got a right to try and improve your employment situation and if your current situation doesn't look like its on stable footing there is absolutely nothing wrong with looking further afield. It's not like you're leaving the country. It's really important that you be able to support yourself and your little one and if that means your ex has to travel a bit further to see his daughter then he could always move at the same time.

If they currently share care exactly 50/50 the court should* rule that the majority of care is provided by Dad if you were to move, 50/50 couldn't work and he wanted to be the resident parent. The child is equally able to be with each parent so in order to minimise change the court should rule that the child remains in their current local area to minimise the changes being experienced.
*In reality many judges if not family courts are almost certainly biased towards women

And as it is the OP moving away any half decent court would rule that she had to do at least half of the transport (if not all of it).

Thank you. Those are all valid points, and definitely what I needed to hear.

Believe me, I definitely wouldn’t make any decision like that lightly, and certainly not without discussing it with him first. I just know that he doesn’t normally handle those conversations well at first and will fly off the handle before hearing what I’m actually saying. I would not be talking about taking her away from him completely. His argument would be that she has to go to school here, etc.

Anyway, it’s been a very low week/weekend and I wanted some anonymous thoughts and opinions, which so far have helped a little.

Then go in prepared. If you stay in town X she'd prob end up in secondary school Y which has following results. If you move to torn Z she'll go to secondary school A with these results. Essentially it's difficult as it's 50-50 and you don't want to upset that balance but you need to be able to support DD 50% of the time as long as you're willing to facilitate contact with him then it seems ok ish I think. Not ideal but ideal would be staying as you are for next 15 years and unfortunately life moves on and changes. You're clearly a good mum cos you're thinking shout him and DD, but my advice would still be to do your research and move forward from there