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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think i was right to keep a secret?

24 replies

purple8pig · 07/10/2018 17:48

throughout high school me and 2 other girls were good friends. one of us "anne" prioritised nights out etc while myself and "jane" threw ourselves into work (her) and starting a family (me) fast forward 15 years and we all still speak to each other, but im best friends still with jane, she is god mother to my children and we see each other every few weeks whilst anne I will see maybe twice a year and her and jane barely even speak or see each other (haven't fallen out just drifted apart)

Jane is now pregnant with her first child and has only told close family and friends who she regularly sees, hasn't put it on facebook etc as she isn't very active on there anyway.

I started a group chat about something unrelated between the 3 of us and jane (now at 30 weeks) told anne she was expecting, due dec.

anne said all the right things, congratulations etc etc but then private messaged me and she is FUMING that I have known since early on but hadn't told her. I told her it wasn't my news to tell. if she had once spoke to or seen jane in the past 30 weeks then she would have told her, I think janes point of view is that if someone isn't in touch in general then she isn't going to go out of her way to share the news.

AIBU to not tell Anne about Janes pregnancy? Anne completely doesn't see how I could not tell her and is very annoyed with me :/

anyway, Jane is pregnant

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GreenLantern53 · 07/10/2018 17:50

all abit immature

Omzlas · 07/10/2018 17:50

Nope, YANBU, as you said - not your news to tell

I don't get why Anne is so arsed, it doesn't sound like they're close at all

HolesinTheSoles · 07/10/2018 17:52

Anne is probably realising that you and Jane are closer and feels left out, has she got any children is there a chance she's feeling particularly sensitive about children in general? Either way of course you couldn't have told her about jane's pregnancy.

purple8pig · 07/10/2018 17:58

yes its immature but not entirely sure what the 'mature' thing for me to have done is?

she has a 7 year old daughter, still has the party lifestyle though and really isn't close at all to jane anymore, we are in touch more but mainly on facebook , I think shes just annoyed I knew and she didn't

I just want to be sure im right in that I kept the news to myself (not maliciously, it didn't come up and it wasn't my place to share it

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LellyMcKelly · 07/10/2018 18:01

Not your news to tell. It was Janes.

Theweasleytwins · 07/10/2018 18:01

My friend told a mutual friend (who i didnt really like due to somw hurtful comments) about my pregnancy. Really annoyed me

Yanbu its not your news to share😊

Thisreallyisafarce · 07/10/2018 18:03

Your comments about her "lifestyle" sound underhand and a bit irrelevant, to be honest. She's obviously bothered by the distance and is blaming you, unfairly.

Hadalifeonce · 07/10/2018 18:06

YANBU. Perhaps suggest to Anne that if she ever needed to confide in you, she will know she can trust you to keep it to yourself

Onlyfamandclosefknow · 07/10/2018 18:09

Not your news to tell.

You did the right thing!

SpoonBlender · 07/10/2018 18:11

Anne is BU. Exactly right it's not your news.

HolesinTheSoles · 07/10/2018 18:13

still has the party lifestyle though and really isn't close at all to jane anymore, we are in touch more but mainly on facebook , I think shes just annoyed I knew and she didn't

Well she'd have been unreasonable either way but if she's just annoyed she wasn't privvy to the gossip then I have no sympathy. Jane would have been rightfully pissed off if you'd told Anne.

purple8pig · 07/10/2018 18:13

thisreallyisafarce
sorry didn't mean to sound that way, totally not judging, as long as shes happy that's the main thing! was just trying to use it to explain why myself and jane are closer, we are more 'home birds' and have a quieter lifestyle. shes a good mum to her son and works hard too, its just that Jane and I have more in common, hence we see each other and are closer than either of us are with Anne

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DC18 · 07/10/2018 18:16

You sound a bit judgemental about 'Anne' so she may be feeling some of that and it might be impacting how she is reacting to this news. If you were all friends but drifted apart she may feel left out. However, I get why you didn't share as it's not your news to tell.

DC18 · 07/10/2018 18:17

Sorry just noticed your last post OP.
Think Anne is probably feeling left out but is taking it out on you over something that's not your fault

Floaty2018 · 07/10/2018 18:19

YANBU. You did the right thing. Your friend is behaving like a 15 year old.

BrokenWing · 07/10/2018 18:26

It seems strange, a bit secret squirrel and excluding when a mutal friend is as far along as 30 weeks you wouldn't mention it in passing unless they told you to keep it private.

She is obviously not close enough that Jane would want to be the only one to tell her or she would have told her months ago.

Yes you do all sound a bit immature.

Shadow1234 · 07/10/2018 18:29

YANBU - It is Janes choice as to whom she shares this news with.

As others have said, it is not your news to tell.
Imagine if you had secretly told Anne, and then she told others! This could have had a terrible impact on your friendship with Jane.
you did the right thing.

neveradullmoment99 · 07/10/2018 18:32

Not sure how immaturity has anything to do with it. Tbh, imo it is a bit odd that it wasn't mentioned in the passing. I think if I had been the one not to know, I would have been a bit hurt. I have no idea why she is taking out on you though. It is Janes fault.

Rudgie47 · 07/10/2018 18:32

Sounds ridiculous, Jane and Anne never even see each other so why would Anne be bothered?
Sounds like Anne is a drama lama.

purple8pig · 07/10/2018 18:35

she did ask me not to let anyone know until she told people (she only told her mum after her scan at 13 weeks) and then between the scan and this group chat I haven't seen Anne at all and have only communicated by a couple of comments on each others pictures on fb. I wasn't being secretive or leaving her out, but 'in passing' wasn't a thing.

Jane is a very private person, only the people she sees in person even know she is pregnant.

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Oddcat · 07/10/2018 18:38

Do adults really get this upset over stuff like this ? My mind boggles !

Of course you did the right thing Op , I guess some people ( your friend , not you) just love to make a drama out of anything and everything.

ShizeItsWeegie · 07/10/2018 18:47

Jane told you not to tell. You didn't. Anne is barking.

Owllwo · 07/10/2018 18:52

YABU to say you threw yourself into having a family. Very odd.

purple8pig · 07/10/2018 18:54

well I kind of did, I was a immature back then and thought I was more grown up than I was, having my first child at 19 and 4 more very soon after. but that's not what I was asking

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