AIBU re: working hours

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I’ve just applied for a full time job after five years on a part time contract. At first DH was really excited and pleased but for the last two days has started questioning.

It’s a professional role that will have some work to do at home - I won’t really know how much until I start the role. And, adding the commute to the core hours (8-4:30) will mean I’m out of the house from 7-6ish every day. The salary is in the region of 50k. If you work in a professional role, does this seem usual?

I think part of the problem is that DH also works in a professional role but only ever works 8:30-16:45 and lives a five minute drive away. He also does no work at home and has a salary of c. 60k (plus overtime, when he does it). I actually think these hours and that pay are unusual for the level of responsibility he has and he can’t see that.

So, I suppose I have two AIBUs

1. AIBU to think my potential hours (and some home work) are not unusual and totally doable?
2. AIBU to think that my husband’s cushy number has warped his sense of normality?!

It completely depends, in my sector his hours don’t seem overly unusual for the salary- we all work the same hours and the expectation is on the responsibility and skills applied during those hours reflecting the level etc. I purposefully chose a career which doesn’t dictate that in order to be successful you need to put in hours and hours outside of work, and take work home.

I'm in a similar position but manage one or two days at home. Some weeks are better than others but I make the flexibility work for me. I spent the first year being very visible and now I have established relationships with my colleagues I don't physically need to be there so travel less. It helps that I don't have a fixed location.

It's less about needing to do work in the evening and more about getting what needs to be done, done. So I may prep for something the night before when I have a full day ahead.

My role requires a lot of travelling between sites so it is expected that I will end the day at home, sometimes much earlier than 5.

Your hours sound fine depending on your other commitments. I do similar hours and I just have to plan in advance food etc

What’s your husbands issue, does he worry you won’t cope?

Congratulations on your new job btw

It's less about needing to do work in the evening and more about getting what needs to be done, done

This is exactly right. I don’t work every evening, some days I leave early and go in later, I take the occasional early Friday finish, but some weeks I’ll work late every day and also in the evenings. Depending on what needs doing.

Aha. Made a typo in my opening post! He’s on 80k...

I will be in a fixed location and I won’t be able work from home type role due to the nature of the work.

Anyway, my other commitment is our son. But clearly, my DH can do childminder pick/drop with ease and give him dinner.

I’m in the same role now but part time so I’ve managed to do bits and pieces of preparation during the day when I have a full day ahead so he hasn’t seen it as he’s at work. So he probably thinks I don’t do any..!

I think your husband's working hours and commute are unusually easy. Yours sound more normal to me. Obviously it will vary massively from industry to industry some people work longer hours for a third of the pay some shorter for double that but I don't think it's at all unreasonable. Whether it's doable obviously depends on your childcare arrangements etc. but you've obviously thought of all that and worked it out so I'd go for it!

Is your husband perhaps starting to question this due to the potential change in childcare arrangements and responsibility rather than questioning your job role requirements? It would obviously make sense for him to now do childcare drop offs/pick ups, dinner etc and he doesn't want to? It makes complete sense that he should do this for now, but does he subconsciously see that as 'your job'? If yes, HIBU!

I think comparing your salary and commute with your husbands doesn't really matter so much, you will both be on good/excellent salaries and neither will have unreasonable commutes etc. Is he a bit miffed that you will be earning less than him but he will have to take on more at home to make this possible? Again, he is being very unreasonable if so!

I do think there’s an element of truth in the starting to realise he’ll have to do a bit more. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great dad and a very hands on parent but I think it’s more that he’s realised that a lot of the “life admin” that goes on during the day will have to be done at other times (eg supermarket shop, getting cars to garage etc.) and he’ll have to take on more of that whereas I’ve been taking care of it for the last five years.

But. Plenty (most!) other people manage. Even with out of hours work and long commutes!

Most 50k plus jobs I'd expect longer hours than those tbh. I've seen 8.00/8.30 until 5.30/6.00 being more common. Even low paid office work I've done has often been 9-5.30, a longer day than both of you. He has it very very cushy, especially if he doesn't do anything outside those core hours.

Realistically he is working only 15 mins per day less than you just he has a very easy commute. Due to this he will have to do the "life admin" childcare pickups, cooking, shopping etc. I suspect his reluctance is because he is realising this.

What did he do before when you worked part time? Did you do all the household stuff? If you did this may be why he's suddenly reluctant. The solution is simple. If he doesn't want to do that stuff then you'd need to move closer to your job to lengthen his commute but shorter yours...

Yours seems low hours for a professional job and his seems exceptionally low.

I think he doesn't want to do the "wifework" too!!

I’m in education. So core hours are shorter - and work outside those times as long as you need it to be! It will be a senior role, so in fact I’d be likely to be in work early and remain in work longer than the core hours (hence leaving early and not getting home until 6).

The more I think about it, the more I realise it’s a “wife work” thing. He’s done everything I’ve ever asked him to but... that’s not actually been that much. Bugger, how could I have been so dim!!!

What does he do? I fancy it!

Your hours sound normal to me. His hours with that salary sounds like he's in the public sector, civil service or local government? He's had a very easy time of it. Not surprised he's complaining now he has to step up to the mark. He'll get used to it.

Really depends on the industry and the expectations.
DH rarely works beyond his contracted hours in a senior position but that's because he's been there a while and is also very focused at what he does.

I try not to work additional hours, but I feel as if there is some expectation that I should pick up messages on the blackberry on my non paid day, and to be fair if there is something urgent I will.

It sounds like the main time drain in your new job is the commute.

I think you’ve both got phenomenally easy hours and commutes for the salaries.

He works for an international company in an engineering role. The company was once (way back when) government owned so yes, they have it cushy as a lot of the pay and conditions were set in the 70s when they had a crushing hold over the company’s national government.

I’m not on that salary yet Hodge. But DH is trying to make me withdraw my application. I’ve been doing the role “on call” for five years without being paid for it full time so I think I’ve earned it ;)