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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be worried about him.

22 replies

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 00:39

My DH has had a persistent cough for around 8 months now. He has been to the doctors and they did a chest x-ray which was clear. They have just changed his inhaler prescription but it's not really helped. It's just something that he has accepted. For the last 4 week's he's been complaining that his skin all over his body is really itchy, I told him to take some piriton and get him self to the doctors. He eventually went after 3 weeks of me pestering him, for the doctor just to say exactly that same as me - take some piriton. It hasn't really helped. For quite a while he has been saying that he is freezing all the time, which is unusual for him as he's always been hot. At night he is absolutely roasting and sweating all through the night whilst I'm wrapped up in a blanket. I was looking up on Google about itchy skin causes (I know googling things is not a good idea) and came across something about lymphoma. He has all the signs of lymphoma, except the swollen lymph nodes (that I'm aware of.)

We have discussed that he needs to go back to the doctor but he says he will go when he "has time." He is so busy at work and it's making him so run down. I've told him he needs to make time. Tonight whilst we were putting the kids to bed - DS4Y DD8M - I noticed his arms and some of his back had loads of bruises. He has no idea where they have come from and I hadn't noticed them before.

I know there is a million and 1 reasons why all these things could be happening and the likelihood of it being cancer is so low but I just feel so terrified. Am I being ridiculous? I just want him to go the doctor but because of the pressure he is under at work, he will not make the time. Please tell me I'm being ridiculous and to stay off google.

If you have made it this far, thank you.

OP posts:

EmilyRosiEl · 07/10/2018 00:43

Poor you, it's horrible worrying about relatives.

I think you're right to think that he needs to go back. Can he book to see a different GP at the practice? He needs to show his bruises in case it could be leukaemia and he needs to ask for blood tests to rule out some nasties.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 07/10/2018 00:43

you do need to stay off google but yanbu to be worried. Could you make him an appoinment? would he go if you made it rather than avoid cancelling? it may just spur him on to go. Otherwise there is nothing you can really do. He must go though, lots of cancers can be treated quicly if caught early so even if it's worst case he will hopefully be ok. Have you told him what you have found by googling? Bruises all over his arms with no cause would be particularly worrying to me. Sounds like he is avoiding going to GP for fear of bad news. Would you offering to go with him help?

cookiesandchocolate · 07/10/2018 00:46

The bruising would be the last straw. Go back to the doctors and insist he gets tested. I've been following a boy on insta for a while who gets bruising when he needs a blood transfusion (he has blood cancer)

Not saying this to scare you but coupled with all the other signs then I would want to investigate further.

for you

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 00:46

@EmilyRosiEl he could definitely see a different GP and I will insist on this. I think tonight he was genuinly quite worried and he's been a bit quiet. Hopefully that means he will get himself to the doctors in the week. I'm hoping it's just because he's been working so hard (he's incharge of a massive project) that perhaps he's just a little run down. It doesn't stop my mind going into overdrive.

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cookiesandchocolate · 07/10/2018 00:47

Being run down is one thing- tired sleepy grumpy and achey. Bruising and an 8 month long cough is not the signs of overworking. Get to a doctor just to rule it out.

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 00:48

Thank you everyone. He knows what I've found on the internet and as I said above, tonight he did look genuinly worried. I will keep pushing and pushing until he goes. I will also look and see if they will let me book an appt for him.

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Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 00:51

@cookiesandchocolate you're right. They're defo not the signs of overworking. He is very tired all the time. As soon as the kids are in bed, he passes out on the sofa. I've out this down to the work though.

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cookiesandchocolate · 07/10/2018 00:52

Go and investigate just to rule it out

numptynuts · 07/10/2018 00:53

123bananas · 07/10/2018 00:53

He needs to go back for full bloods, the unexplained bruising should be investigated. Health and family comes before work and many areas have out of working hours appointment systems.

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 00:57

@123bananas they absolutely do come first and I will say this exact same thing to him tomorrow.

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youngscrappyandhungry · 07/10/2018 01:42

OP, I don't want to scare you but yes, you absolutely have reason to worry. While each of those symptoms on its own is not necessarily a massive cause for concern, all of the symptoms together are throwing up red flags for lymphoma or another blood cancer. I've been through similar struggles trying to get my seriously ill father into hospital. He's one of those stubborn men who insists on being the suffer in silence type and avoids the doctor like the plague. As a result, if he goes to his important specialist appointments alone, he downplays his symptoms and conveniently forgets to mention any new issues so nothing is accomplished.

I attend alongside my father now, occasionally even make the appointments for him, just to ensure he gets the best care and proper treatment. My guess is that your DH is allowing his GP dismiss him by not giving a detailed picture of all the symptoms and by downplaying the severity of them. In this situation where time is of the essence, I'd tell him just how concerned you are and that you'd like to help him schedule a follow up and attend with him to ask some questions of the doctor. Prior to the appointment, sit down and make a list of all the major issues together and refer to it as you see the GP. If your DH tried to omit or shrug off something on the list, you can chime in. I hope you get the reassurance you need. Good luck!

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 06:46

Thanks for that reply @youngscrappyandhungry. I'm not usually a worrier, far from it. I'm the type that just tells him to get on with it when he had 'man-flu.' But like you said, it's the symptoms grouped together. I will absolutely happily go along with him and make sure he doesn't ommit and information.

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Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 09:10

Thanks again everyone. He has agreed to go give the GP a ring in the morning. I will text, ring and pester him constantly until he does so.

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user1484424013 · 07/10/2018 15:58

They are some of the symptoms my husband had. Although he went to the doctors a lot and they missed the advanced stage head and neck cancer. His grew in the tongue so viable and had 2 t4 tumours in the neck. The cough and feeling cold and sweaty could just indicate a gland problem. I a. Not suggesting cancer however this is where we started last November and because of crap gps who didn't give a shit rather than stage one he has advanced which means his only treatments that ended Friday are his only hope. Last year I was 35 weeks pregnant now i am caring for him and a single parent to 3 girls.

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 16:47

@user1484424013 I'm so sorry to hear your husband is unwell and do hope that the treatments have helped. I hope you're doing well. It can't be easy for you

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Snowdonia · 07/10/2018 16:58

My mother bruises easily and badly and suffers from itchyness all over. She has a blood condition and takes medication daily and will for the rest of her life. She found the itchyness was worse after showering. She eventually figured that running the water as hot as she could stand it just before getting out eased it. She told her consultant this and he was going to recommend it to his other patients that suffer with the same problem.

Definitely encourage him to get back to the doctors.

Quartz2208 · 07/10/2018 17:01

Truthfully everything together it could be a blood cancer so he does need to go and make all of his symptoms very clear so he can get it looked at

user1484424013 · 07/10/2018 17:26

Thank you. It's 4 months today since he went to the doctors with me as he felt they were ignoring him and I take no shit. I am absolutely heart broken. In pieces. Can't breath. But you have to carry on. They cancelled his last chemotherapy Monday as he has dropped 5 stone and it would have been more harm so that sliced the odds more. I really do think your husband will be fine. Mine also had behaviour changes and was a bit of a sick and nasty which has been forgiven and forgotten as was a symptom of the cancer but it's been a year of hell and we have to wait 12 weeks from tomorrow to see if it worked if not.... then God knows what. It's the baby that gets me. Being born to this. Sorry for gpjnv on just have no one to talk to

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 17:31

@snowdonia thank you. That'slightly more reassuring. His mum has a hereditary blood disorder that he has been tested for in the past. I didn't even think about that.

@user1484424013 don't be silly. Talk as much as want. I know the wait will feel like a lifetime to you. I just hope it doesn't drag. My worry is my children too. They're so young. We've been together since we were teenagers and the thought if him being ill makes me feel sick, so what you must be feeling must be 1 million times worse.

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Snowdonia · 07/10/2018 17:50

They call my mother's a "Non life threatening Cancer". I only found that out recently as she's never reffered to it as that because doesn't want people saying she has Cancer. She's had no problems since being diagnosed around 10 years ago now. She's monitored every 3 months so they keep a close eye on it. But she's totally fine.

Hopefully it's nothing cancer related at all though. Fingers crossed for you both.

Original poster

Deepbreathsbabe · 07/10/2018 18:33

I had a good cry earlier. I don't know why, it's not like he's even been diagnosed. I'm not sure why I'm worrying so much before we have anything to worry about. Trying to do generate on the here and now.

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