Not really aibu but can you beat my day? (Veeeeery long but Light hearted) My day started out at 5am as i had 3 of our nieces/nephews (plus my own 2) over night and the littlest doesnt sleep (still a baby) so a bit tired and irritable but got up with her, she proceeded to fall asleep (obviously)so i started on some housework.
Filled the mop bucket only to realise it had a nice crack running through it, that wasn't apparent until it has pissed its self all over the floor. The 4 older children then come running down stairs making more noise than a zoo full of elephants, i shouted be quite and stay out of the kitchen(dh was still in bed as he has a double shift today so thought I'd let him sleep), but my nephew "didn't hear me" and ran through anyway, slipped and skidded all the way along the kitchen and only stopped when he hit the unit at the other side. Cue a soaking child with a sore bum who proceeded to scream (he's fine not a mark on him but he was shocked) which in turn made the baby scream. So ive got a wet floor which is now seeping into the hallway carpet, a soaking child and a screeching baby. Managed to clean up/sort them out/ feed them and told nephew he shouldn't of been running in the house and should of listened to me etc. He then strops off and starts winding the others up which causes all of them to start arguing which wakes the baby again. Dh then gets up with the noise, an they all behaved for an hour till he went to work.
We then had the dinner time argument i dont like that/ not hungry etc. Had to tell the eldest 2 to stop winding the little ones up.
The baby then has the biggest shit of her life (one of those where its easier to throw the clothes in the bin) as im trying to strip her off ive put the shitty clothes on top of a nappy bag next to me on the floor, nephew then decides to run through and step in it and slip. Cue him gagging at the shit on his foot and crying cos hes got a sore bum again! Sil rocks up to pick them up just as i have finished cleaning them up /calming them.down. She is sporting the biggest hangover and decides to camp on my sofa.
I needed to take my dd to the opticians as she had broken her last pair of glasses. Sil offers to stay and look after eldest dd. Great. So me and dd rush to town . We get out of the car and she declares she has a head ache and tummy ache (i put it down to not wearing her glasses for 24hrs-she is blind as a bat) told her we would get some calpol after the optitions. Get there and see the snottest assistant ever. Both pairs of glasses are fucked, only thing we can do is to take both pairs apart and mix n match them to make 1 pair until her new ones arrive. Dd is going down hill fast at this point and looking rather green. Assistant asks her some thing and dd growls back "i dont care what they look like i.just need a pair of glasses". I apologise to her grabbed the glasses and ran to boots to get some calpol. I've just put my card in the machine as she chooses that moment to projectile vomit. Its all over her, me and the floor. The shop assistant just stood and stared as im trying to shove a carrier bag over dds mouth to catch the vomit. So I'm stood in the middle of boots covered in sick, the bag i had shoved infront of dd is over flowing. And the assistant just stands and stares. I had to ask for something to clean up with. She disappeared for what felt like forever and returns with kitchen roll (well 4 sheets of it anyway) i clean up the floor and have to ask for something to put the paper towel in. So she hands me a carrier bag and says thats 5p please. I've got puke all over me but i dutifully pull 5p out of my purse with puke all over my hands give it to her and leave the shop dd still clutching overflowing bag of puke.
Still covered in puke thinking wtf do i do, i decide to go to the pound shop and get her a clean top and some wipes. The tills at the front are heaving so i go to the self serve at the back. Had to ask a shop assistant to move out of the way so i can use it. The till has the voice of elvis and sings to you (not fucking joking here) and it decides to have a tantrum and starts singing put item.in bagging area, item.not in bagging area can't proceed until you put it in the bag-its in the fucking bagging area you patronising elvis impersonating twat. Dd starts puking in the over flowing bag again. Till is still singing at me. Shop assistant is stood staring. I growl ask assistant wtf is wrong with the till, only to find its backwards and the bagging area is on the right not the left like every other fucking selfserve till i have ever used grab another carrier bag (which i declared on the how many bags do you need) and shoved it infront of dd. Finally manage to pay. Made sure we hadn't left any mess and went to leave when the shop assistant calls me back and asks to see my receipt because she doesnt think ive paid for the bag. Show her the receipt (still covered in suck at this point) and leave with her muttering something under her breath about shit parents and kids. Get out side and manage to wipe us both down and go back to car. Change dd who is now miraculously fine and now hungry.
We Set off home. One way system one lane for straight ahead one lane to turn right im in the lane to turn right when a car full of teenage twats idiots, in the straight ahead lane decide they want to be in the right hand lane and swerve infront of me and.clip my wing mirror , i beep the horn only to recive a mouthful and all of them giving me 2 fingers, the force of me slamming on causes dd to puke again, only this time straight down my back (she sat behind me). 20 min drive home ahead of me. At this point i want to cry. Wind the windows down and try to stay calm. Nowhere to pull over so have to keep going. Get to the next set of traffic lights only to pull up next to the twats who take this oppertuniry to shout more abuse at me. I shout over have a sick child in The car an they have hit mine. Only to be called a fat slag and given more abuse. Their light turns green and they fly off just as i shout out the window you bunch of twats i hope you wrap it around a lamp post and gave them the finger (i know not my finest moment and i know i shouldn't of said it) as i look in my rear view to see a cop car. Want to break down at this point, thankfully cop didnt see/ignored me.
Finally get home and start to clean up. Get rid of sil and kids and my eldest dd (they ran out of tge house as soon as they saw the state of us both-cheers for the help sil. ) Pukey dd now in the shower i go to her room to get some clean clothes and find the bed room trashed and a tube of bright red lip gloss upended on the bedroom carpet. My dd doesn't have red lip gloss but eldest niece does. Have txt sil but d niece is denying all knowledge. She didnt bring her make up it must be my dds. Fml. Can i give up now?
Sorry for such a long post but dp not home for another few hrs and needed to rant!