To feel like I’ve failed at life in many ways?

[bikesontheroad]

Please hear me out. In many ways I know I am fortunate.

However I had a very traumatic adolescence and it set me up for adult life in a really bad way. At an an age where my friends were meeting boyfriends I was focused on survival.

Now as things stand from the outside things look OK. I have a well paid and responsible job.

The reality is different. I have barely any contact with anyone on a day to day basis. I still struggle with money and debt. I have never had a relationship and I miss it and I miss sex.

Sorry for this outpouring

Aw - is there any way you engage with others outside of your job?

Would you consider online dating?

Not my situation but sympathetic. Wonder if my dating days are over

Thanks. I don’t think I’d be inclined to bother with OD - tried before and it didn’t work. Thanks though.

OP your post really resonates with me, I had very similar experiences. Until a few years ago I felt incredibly lonely. But things can change quite quickly. I got to a stable financial position, met my husband and now have two DC.

Things don't stay the same, as you know. It sounds like you have done a great job of starting to build a life for yourself and you should give yourself credit for that. How old are you?

38. I know people will say it’s not old but I feel I haven’t even had a youth yet it’s over.

Things can change if you want them to. You have to take steps to make it happen though, put yourself in situations where you will meet new people. It's hard work but will be worth it.

I think that traumatic experiences, especially during that early part of adult life, mark you deeply and it never goes away, but it is possible to move on from it.

I feel that same about not having the normal experiences of someone in my teens or twenties but it can't be changed now. It's best to focus on the future and what you want from that.

That’s such a myth nomad. Sorry but it is.

Sorry, what is a myth?

Trust me, it's not over at 38! My best years were 36 plus. Without wanting to diminish or minimise your past, you'd do much better to look forward.
First thing is to find friends. Can you join a singles group if in a big city or join a running club etc a hobby that floats your boat?

I always thought a myth was a female moth.

@Leafyhouse

Bikesontheroad, I also had a childhood/adolescence which made me feel 'different' from others. In addition, I can remember seeing family members and peers, find relationships, marry and start families, whilst I remained, quite frankly, alone and lonely.

Things changed quickly in my late thirties and, at the age of 39, I was married and had our first child. I had our second child just before my 41st birthday.

I still find it hard to make friends (although I have one or two now) and I still feel very work focused and socially isolated, but I have accepted that this is how I am and (in my late fifties) I am beginning to feel happy with who I am.

I know this is just an example from experience, but I hope it helps.

[BTW I met my husband through the 'Lonely Hearts' in the local paper - I made up my mind to answer one ad. a week - but that was twenty years ago before online dating really took off].

Are you ok OP? Been thinking about you.