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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lateness...I dont want to argue over this but...

30 replies

buspildo · 06/10/2018 12:15

Am meant to be going somewhere at 12 today. Actually supposed to be there at 12.

Bf was meant to be coming with me. I phoned him at 11 as he requested to make sure he was up and give him time to get to me (it's 10 mins to mine and them 15 tp where we're going). He has health issues and insomnia so I tend to cut him a bit of slack.

At 12 I messaged the seller and said we'd be 10-15 mins late as he wasn't at mime then bit I thought he was on his way.

I called him and he'd fallen asleep again. He's still not here.

I have no idea what to say to seller, when he will actually get here, he said asap, or what I should say. I am feeling quite annoyed and resentful.

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 06/10/2018 12:22

What a waste of space. Just go get your item.

Lazypuppy · 06/10/2018 12:23

Why can't you go on your own?

Ginkypig · 06/10/2018 12:36

You'll just have to be very apologetic to the seller and say that your obviously not now going to make it on time (already late) but you can go later this afternoon but of course you completely understand that that might not be convenient. Or you can come another day.

As for him. I think it depends on if this is unusual behaviour or if this is a common theme.

If unusual then but him some slack but if it's his normal to do things like that then he is not managing his conditions properly I also have chronic health issues and insomnia

Look bf I get you have health issues/insomnia but it's not fair on me to just not turn up. Your an adult and managing your life around your health is hard but it's part of your life that you need to be responsible about.

RibbonAurora · 06/10/2018 13:07

I think you were cutting it a bit fine to call him at 11 knowing he had health/insomnia issues, you gave him only 30 minutes to wake properly and get ready then he had to be at yours. I'd have called at 10 to wake him then again at 10.30 in case he'd drifted off again as can happen with insomniacs who have had a bad night then finally fallen asleep, it can take a few attempts to wake fully and come round.
Too late now obviously, you'll have to call the seller, apologise and hope they'll be receptive to having you go later today.

Angrybird345 · 06/10/2018 13:22

Just go without him!

ButchyRestingFace · 06/10/2018 13:27

At 12 I messaged the seller and said we'd be 10-15 mins late as he wasn't at mime then bit I thought he was on his way.

You seem a bit casual.

Were you relying on him to drive/transport item?

AfterSchoolWorry · 06/10/2018 13:32

Go on your own.

Howhot · 06/10/2018 13:36

Sorry op but people like you put me off even bothering trying to sell online. They probably have far better things to do with their Saturday than wait around for you. Can you go without him?

Jeanclaudejackety · 06/10/2018 13:38

He sound useless. Does he manage to get to work in time. why don't you just go on your own, you're really messing the seller around

Zoflorabore · 06/10/2018 13:44

Another one with chronic illness and insomnia. You already sound understanding so not sure what you can do now.
Sometimes it's not our fault, other times it is.

Yesterday I was awake from 2am, cleaned up, got dc up and ready for school. Ds goes to secondary so I took dd, came home for "a little nap" and missed my nails appointment but more importantly my dentist appointment to get my tooth out Blush slept through all alarms ( was on sofa ) and was very angry and frustrated with myself.

Just be honest with the seller.

PootrolliumJelly · 06/10/2018 13:46

I phoned him at 11 as he requested to make sure he was up and give him time to get to me

I am also terrible in the morning due to various health issues, but if I need to be somewhere I set a LOUD alarm and put it so far out of reach I have to get up to turn it off.

How does your BF take responsibility to turn up at appointments when he hasn't got you on standby?

adaline · 06/10/2018 13:59

Why couldn't you just go alone?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/10/2018 14:03

Either go on your own or call the seller back and apologise but say your transport was delayed. You risk losing whatever it is you're buying, if the seller of it is pissed off or inconvenienced, but your bf is to blame for that.

SendintheArdwolves · 06/10/2018 14:25

OK, you asked what you should do:

  1. Go by yourself to collect this item. You are wasting the seller's time and you will just become more angry and resentful waiting for your boyfriend.

2)Avoid situations where your boyfriend's lateness can affect you again. Start going to things without him. That may seem "mean" but it isn't - it is kind (because it means your boyfriend doesn't have to feel guilty if he makes you late, and it stops you getting angry and resentful at him).

  1. Resist the temptation to organise your boyfriend or take responsibility for his timekeeping.No more calling his to make sure he hasn't slept through his alarm, or reminding/checking that he is on time.
Original poster
buspildo · 06/10/2018 15:32

I didnt go alone because I was going to look at a car and wanted his input as he works with cars.

He said to call at 11. He felt that would give him plenty of time.

We eventually got there 45 mins late. Seller was ok about it, so bf said 'well clearly it doesn't matter' and that I'm BU to have been annoyed!

OP posts:
themuttsnutts · 06/10/2018 16:06

Yanbu. I hate lateness. Pressumably he gets to work on time

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 06/10/2018 16:09

Urgh, I'm glad seller was ok about it but that's just given your bf an excuse to be late again next time because it "didn't matter".

Next time, tell him an hour earlier.

Original poster
buspildo · 06/10/2018 16:13

He's self employed so sets his own hours. He is rarely on time for work meetings.

I don't like the idea of having to lie but it would make for less stress!

OP posts:
TheOneWith · 06/10/2018 16:14

Do you take all responsibility for his day to day timekeeping? Do you have to make sure he’s up for work every day?

Or is it just that timekeeping isn’t important to him when it comes to you?

Original poster
buspildo · 06/10/2018 16:17

No we don't live together. He organises his own time but is invariably late for work stuff, medical appts etc. The only time he will ask me to call him like today is if we are going some where together at a set time. He is often late then but more like 10 mins rather than today's 40 mins

OP posts:
Oddcat · 06/10/2018 16:20

so bf said 'well clearly it doesn't matter'

The seller was probably just being polite . I hate people who have such disregard for other's time .

Gersemi · 06/10/2018 16:43

He's self employed so sets his own hours. He is rarely on time for work meetings.

This one doesn't sound like a keeper, to be honest. Having a boyfriend who never turned up on time would drive me mad, and he sounds desperately immature if he still hasn't managed to sort out his timekeeping. He's never going to make a decent living if his potential customers can't rely on him to turn up when he says he will.

Just a wild guess - is his insomnia tied in with playing games all night, by any chance?

TheOneWith · 06/10/2018 20:47

Just a wild guess - is his insomnia tied in with playing games all night, by any chance?

That was my guess, either that or he smokes weed.

Original poster
buspildo · 07/10/2018 09:09

His work isn't really affected by hid lateness, he earns up to £2k a week despite his poor time keeping.

The insomnia stems from pain, MH issues due to past trauma and having his house broken into while he was asleep (he woke up to find it happening).

He does use weed but only a small amount a day and more for therapeutic purposes as it helps physical pain.

OP posts:
SadieLancaster · 07/10/2018 09:12

Blimey what does he do for a living?