I am on a City law grad scheme and there are about ten of us in different year groups, mainly loud confident boys but a couple of girls.
I make an effort with my year group but not a huge one - I’ll go for lunch with them a couple of times a week, but they like to go every day and do everything together which I find exhausting.
They are ok but I feel like I constantly have to be “on” when I’m with them - they are extremely confident and very close knit, which I find intimidating, and the girls are always extremely glamorous and well turned out, again which I find intimidating. I sometimes feel like some of the boys will make more of an effort with the girls they really fancy which I find a bit tiresome - we’re colleagues, we should all be capable of making a bit of effort?!
I also sometimes feel like I’m always asking questions and trying to be witty etc - they respond back in kind but I feel like I have set a precedent where that’s my role, the peacemaker, the one who tries really hard to make conversation. It would be nice if they initiated it too!
I don’t know, I’m just exhausted, I went on a night out with them yesterday and while it was fine just ended up feeling worse today and when I left, I’m not sure why I bother! I can be fun and chatty and sociable when on form, I’m attractive enough, I male a really big effort, I don’t understand why it’s this hard?!