to love my DIL?

[Notagainmun]

My DIL and DS have recently made me a grandmother. It is so lovely seeing them both take to become new parents and their relationship strengthen as they adjust to becoming a family. She has made my DS so happy and I love her for it but she also is a lovely young woman who I would have liked for herself.

I just hope she likes me too, she seems too. I am really keen to make sure I don't overstip my new role as Nannie. Any advice as to how to get the balance right from not being over enthusiastic and too indifferent?

I don't have advice except carry on doing what you are doing because you sound like a lovely person and a great MIL

YABU don't you realise she has STOLEN YOUR SON. I recommend you toughen up and have a good critical look at the state of her nets. Absolutely disgraceful!

You sound lovely. I think just be open and tell them how thrillled you are, but that if you’re intruding please just say. I’d love to have had a MIL like you, sadly my husbands mum passed before we were married.

You are definitely not BU. The fact that you are asking suggests you will be the MIL we all wish for. Enjoy.

If you think she is doing an amazing job then tell her just that. If she loves your son and appreciates you and how he was raised then your praise will mean an awful lot. It did and still does to me from my MIL. Having my ds definitely brought us closer as I was able to appreciate her a lot more and understand the complexities of mother love (and guilt!) in a way I hadn't previously.

@Milfromhades

You sound fab! I wish you were my mil

Don't impose on them in terms of visits.
Don't pop in unannounced.
Don't cry if you don't get your own way.
Don't treat the grandchild as your child- they are the parents.
Don't try and push for overnight stays etc before they are comfortable with it.
Don't treat your grandchild as an accessory to show off to your friends.
Check with them before posting photos of your grandchild on social media.
Don't buy them loads of stuff they don't have space or need for- ask them if you want to buy something.
Don't treat their home as an extension of your own- eg. Going in and moving things/ putting things how you like them.
Don't try and hog the baby.

Oh I so hope my MIL sees me like this, you sound so lovely. Being pregnant, this made me well up a little. Agree with the pp post on what not to do, however it sounds like you're aware and conscious of these things x congratulations on becoming a grandmother!

Your post made my eyes sting a bit. You should definitely be canonised!

Lacc is spot on! Listen to her and you'll be fine x

LAAC I mean x

Milformhaze - made me laugh

Last- all ticks, thank you for that list

I think it might help that I was a young mum and very suspicious of my MIL and SIL who were rather pushy so I really am aware of the effect that has.

All your lovely comments have made my day, but I really think I am lucky my DS fell in love with a great woman.

LAAC - that is exactly the problem - all those things happened to me and it created a rift for a long time. Luckily DH stepped in and things have worked out well all round as PIL mean well xxxx

Awwww as a Dil in this exact situation, I bet she does really like you and I bet she’s really glad she has a person like you in her life.

have you checked the skirting boards though? The state of them tells you what you really need to know about the woman of a house.

@Milfromhades

Well if he’s that happy with a new baby she’s either neglecting something or no better than she ought to be!

Call yourself a MIL

My lovely MIL died when DD1 was a baby. I can’t tell you how much I wish she was here to see him grow up and to have met the little ones.

People only post when they have problems with a DIL/MIL. Most people I know are very fond of their in laws.

Omg laac spot on 👏

Give lots of cash and stay away unless you’re babysitting.
—sort of—

Aww you sound like my MIL. I adore her. She’s like a second mum to me.

Sounds like your doing a fabulous job.

One thing my MIL has always done is still treated me like a person in my own right. She talks to me about my interests and sometimes saves me articles I might like or recommends me a good book. I’m not just DGrandchilds mum to her.

She also texts me filthy jokes and makes amazing brownies. I got very lucky.