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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wtf do I do about MIL

46 replies

crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 17:04

So we have been NC with MIL for over a year. Used to get on very well- the second she found out we were engaged she started a campaign of vile hatred around me, went totally insane. Sending pictures of me (doing nothing, just like holding a glass of champagne or whatever) to DIL (divorced) and other family members asking how could they stop their son from marrying such a person. I kid you not. Screaming at DH on the phone about how awful I am. This all came out of nowhere and as a result DH and I went NC. We ended up inviting her to the wedding to be the bigger people. She said she would come and then didn’t show up. Didn’t tell us she wouldn’t but just didn’t show up. Since we had DS she tried to get in touch but by completely excluding me/as if I don’t exist. Therefore DH has rebuffed the effort.

I have just found out that she is STILL going around to the family doctor and other mutual acquaintances and showing photos of me she’s seen on Facebook (again doing NOTHING) and asking wouldn’t they be devastated to have me as a DIL. I am so unbelievably angry about this I know she must have serious issues but I am very tempted to email her. Should I? Or should I just let it go?!

OP posts:
Poodles1980 · 05/10/2018 17:05

Let it go. You are well rid there

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 17:06

Sorry the first DIL is supposed to be FIL!

OP posts:
newwomannow · 05/10/2018 17:07

Stay NC - you did it for this very reason.

hammeringinmyhead · 05/10/2018 17:07

How is she seeing photos of you on social media? I would unfriend her (if you are "friends", unlikely I think!) and SIL/other associated family members.

MrTrebus · 05/10/2018 17:07

She sounds massively unhinged. Come off social media so she has nothing to show anyone and keep up the NC

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 05/10/2018 17:07

Leave it , she is coming across badly

LavenderBush · 05/10/2018 17:07

Yes, let it go. If she is doing this then everyone can see she is insane. Nobody will think it reflects badly on you. If you get involved then you are only stoking the fires.

Can't you make your Facebook more private so she can't see it? Why is she allowed this window into your life?

DaphneDiligaf · 05/10/2018 17:07

Block her on facebook for a start.

NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 17:08

You need to block her from social media

LongtimeLurker29 · 05/10/2018 17:09

Ignore her. Sounds like you are well rid and giving her a reaction will more than likely be what she wants.

I would pretend she doesn't exist and carry on. No contact with mine as she is a nut job and I think it boils her blood that we do not even think about them ☺️

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 17:09

She is blocked on fb but I am assuming she screenshotted several photos when we were friends, way back in the day. When she supposedly liked me...silly naive me!

OP posts:
Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 17:10

I really appreciate hearing that it doesn’t reflect badly on me as I don’t want my name being tarnished like that around town or people thinking poorly of me but I don’t really understand what her issue with me is so presumably no one else can either?!

OP posts:
chillpizza · 05/10/2018 17:11

Block her on Facebook. Move away from the area.

hammeringinmyhead · 05/10/2018 17:11

In that case she'll soon run out of material to show to people who don't really want to see it in the first place, so I'd leave it!

chillpizza · 05/10/2018 17:12

Everyone likely thinks she’s the local town idiot. As in honestly who cares who your dh married apart from you and him.

NWQM · 05/10/2018 17:14

Id be very tempted to ask you DP to post a picture of the two you...smiling & holding champagne...captioned ‘Doing nothing and loving every minute’.

eddielizzard · 05/10/2018 17:23

Def don't do a thing. Imagine if your MIL came up to you and showed you a photo and spouted the crap she does. You'd think she's a right twerp. Do nothing. Right now you look like a saint. If you said ANYTHING, she'd take it and twist it for maximum effect and you'd never hear the end of it.

lexi727 · 05/10/2018 17:25

Block her on Facebook, stay NC. Nothing you can do unfortunately. I've had similar problems with my MIL and I just block it all out now and pretend she doesn't exist.

RomanyRoots · 05/10/2018 17:27

Ask the person who she showed the photo too, who recently told you she's still doing it, what she has against you, she might have said.

Don't contact mil, be the bigger person.
Are you close to your family? Maybe post a picture of them with ds and a lovely caption about a nice close knit family.
Should do the trick.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 05/10/2018 17:28

lexi727

How do you stop it from bothering me? I know she is talking bollocks as she has not even been able to give a coherent or simple reason for hating me, and if she had one we would’ve heard it, but I still find it very upsetting that someone could hate me so much! How did you get over it?!

OP posts:
lexi727 · 05/10/2018 17:33

@crispysausagerolls I was just so DONE with her at the point of us going NC. I think that helped. However, when I do find it getting to me I just remember that I literally did nothing to the woman and she developed a weird vendetta based on sweet fuck all. That kind of reminds me that she must be a bit mental, meaning that it definitely isn't my fault. It did take a lot of 'it's not you' from my DH though to be honest. Reassurance helps Thanks

Bluewidow · 05/10/2018 17:34

Oh my mother in law is like this slags me off on Facebook since I lost my husband, and has done some very vile things. Block her on Facebook and don't retaliate. Silence really is the best option here. If you feel the need that something has to be done and you just can't stop yourself get your husband to send her a text message " I do hope that what I have been hearing about what you have been saying about my wife is untrue. This needs to stop now, she is my wife and the mother of our child, your grandson. I'm politely asking you to keep your opinions to yourself.

lexi727 · 05/10/2018 17:34

And I don't actually think I'm over it. I just think about it a lot less than I used to! You will get to that point!

booandbumpp · 05/10/2018 17:34

To be honest if someone came up to me and showed me a picture of an acquaintance and said "wouldn't you be devastated to have a DIL like this?" Regardless of the photo I'd think the person was unhinged. No one will be agreeing with her. I understand it must be annoying for you, but just remind yourself she's only making a fool of herself and no one will think it's any reflection on you x

thedevilinablackdress · 05/10/2018 17:34

This is when you have to think about the "how many fucks" approach. As in, you have a limited number of fucks to give about things in life and you can't go about using them up on things willy nilly. Caring about this won't make it better, won't make it go away. So stop caring.
I know this sounds a wee bit flippant but it's about trying to change the way you think and feel about a thing when you can't change the thing itself.