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AIBU?

To ask for no kisses

12 replies

rosiemillion · 05/10/2018 10:27

So ds is nearly 11 months and my friend is very over familiar and kisses him loads, I don't know why it makes me uncomfortable but it does .. if it was family or even a very close friend I wouldn't mind but she's just a friend and she often has cold sores and still kisses his cheeks and when I ask her not to she says it's okay I'm not kissing his lips but it just makes me cringe! I know she's just being kind and loving but I just don't like it so aibu to say no kisses and also how on earth would I say that nicely without offending her because that's the last thing I'd want to do!?

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NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 10:31

she often has cold sores and still kisses his cheeks and when I ask her not to she says it's okay I'm not kissing his lips

You see this ^^ would make me considerably less concerned over whether I upset her or not.

You asked her not to - and she did it any way.

You expressed concern about cold sores - and she dismissed your very valid concerns.

She isn’t concerned about your feelings or your son’s health.

If you want to stop her don’t sugar coat it. Just remove your son from her and firmly say “stop kissing him, I’ve told you already”.

It’s your child, you are boss, she doesn’t get to override you.

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Feellikeimthemaid · 05/10/2018 11:01

Your friend is not respecting your wishes, so don't beat about the bush. If you ask her not to, and she says it's ok, you need to assert yourself and say "no it's not ok, and it's not up for debate". If she continues to do it then remove your DS from her arms.

Please be aware that your friend doesn't have to have an active cold sore in order to pass on the virus, so she shouldn't be kissing him whether she has a visible sore or not.

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BertrandRussell · 05/10/2018 11:08

Two seperate issues.

If she has cold sores you need just be direct. “I’m sorry- but because you suffer from cold sores, the herpes virus is in your system, and I cannot allow you to kiss the baby, it’s too risky”

The over familiar thing is a different matter. I wouldn’t take that up with her- it sounds like your issue, not hers.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 11:11

Cold sores in small children can be fatal.

If she doesn’t back off, she’s not respecting your concerns. Tell her, bluntly, to pack it in or she won’t be around your child.

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MemoryOfSleep · 05/10/2018 11:11

Agree with the above. If it's a choice between losing a friend and my child contracting herpes from them (which is what coldsores are caused by), I'd lose the friend. Be less diplomatic.

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kaytee87 · 05/10/2018 11:13

If you've asked her to stop it and she won't then personally I'd just stop seeing her. She'd rather give your child the herpes virus than stop kissing him?!

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rosiemillion · 05/10/2018 11:43

Thanks everyone for replies. The biggest thing is she's a work colleague and she's very sensitive and won't react to it well, I'm meeting her for a coffee today and I know she'll try kiss ds so I'm going to have to put my foot down and say please don't.

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Singlenotsingle · 05/10/2018 11:47

Just tell her! Don't spare her feelings. Obviously she isn't very sensitive if she doesn't understand what you say, or refuses to take it on board.

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callmemamma · 05/10/2018 12:22

I'm with you OP.I can't explain why but I would not like that either.I don't remember any of my friends kissing my babies.Holding and cuddling yes but not kissing.
And with the possibility of getting any form of virus from them it's out of question.
You need to find a way to be polite but firm with her.

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NonaGrey · 05/10/2018 12:30

she's a work colleague and she's very sensitive and won't react to it well

She’s an adult - she’ll get over it.

It’s your job to protect your child. His health is more important that temporary social awkwardness.

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JeNeBaguetteRien · 05/10/2018 12:38

Your child is 11 months so you are their voice, speak up!

Also as the child gets older it's really important that they can have the confidence to say no to unwanted physical contact from anyone so you will need to give less of a toss what others think as you are the parent.

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AnneOfCleavage · 05/10/2018 17:02

OMG I got an enormous herpes patch on my cheek from this very problem as a very small child so saying she won't kiss on lips is irrelevant as you can pass on the virus to the cheeks. Cannot believe her nerve. Find you inner mama bear and refuse her entry to see your baby.

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