I take my child (DD2, 14) with her 2 friends to youth club each week at 8. The other two parents take it in turns to bring home at 10pm. Neither can do earlier drop off, work late/younger DC to put to bed before partner gets home.
I don't do it when DD2 is tired or busy but pressure has been in last year, (now I share lifts) to take them most weeks as others rely on me to get 3 them there. (I'm lone parent, a few DC)
DD2 returned home early tonight, fuming as she (for first time) told me Dad3 often now brings along his adult son (DD2's friend's brother) who smokes in the car during trip home and his cigarette smoke pools in back of car as he drives.
She said he keeps his front window open but they can't open their back windows. And.... there are only two seat belts in back as it is 4 seater small car, when bro comes too. So with the 3 girls being collected, his DD, her friend, sits squished between them, in middle of back seat with no seat belt.
DD said it's been happening quite a few times Dad3 collected and she's not cool with it. (Me neither!) But as she wanted to go each week... so she hadn't said earlier.
She said adult brother comes along for the ride- isn't being picked up/dropped off to anything for himself. She doesn't know why he's in car too.
I didn't wait to think about it, and texted other Mum2 tonight to ask if she'd heard this too? I'm not cool with smoking in car with our kids , nor lack of seat belts for all, if it is so.
Apparently it is. Mum2's DD told her before too. She agrees it's not ok, any of it.
We need to address it with Dad3. I don't know him, as Mum2 sorts lifts with him, he never replied to my brief texts. He's v shy. Mum2 said we should broach it face to face, but he's just not around, and I don't want to cold knock at his door. I can't quite understand, as all drivers know it's illegal for anyone to smoke in a car with children in it. And to transport too many people in car for number of seat belts available . I know his DD well and she's lovely. And I can't think of what I can say that is constructive in light of that, other than "no no noooo, not driving my DD in your car! "
If I had no one else to take to club, I'd take DD2 every 3 weeks on my own to/from club without lift shares. Since it's a late school night for DD3 ( take her with me in car too).
But when I have to pick up DDs friends too for lifts , it's not a 10.05pm return home, it's 10:30-45+pm via other houses and back to mine. My DD2 gets home 10:10pm with lifts as we are nearest and straight to bed. My DD3 is in bed way before then.
Whilst club is important to DD2, she agrees with me that Dad3 lifts aren't ok anymore. Mum2 wants to talk to him first but I'm struggling to find words I can use that aren't "wtaf?! ". I don't want his DD being upset nor excluded.