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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel so apprehensive about sending DS to nursery?

15 replies

ethelfleda · 04/10/2018 22:53

DS starts nursery in a couple of weeks. He will be nearly one. He will be doing 2 days per week until the end of the year and then full time from January. This was always the plan.

Now his settling in sessions are looming, I am starting to dread it! He cries if I just run downstairs while he is in his (gated) nursery. How on earth will he cope? I feel awful that I can’t explain to him that I will be coming back for him. He has never been left with anyone before. Luckily, his nursery is only 15 minutes from work and they are happy for me to pop over to see him on my lunch break and give him a breastfeed but still...

OP posts:

Asterado · 04/10/2018 22:56

Quite normal to be apprehensive. He will be fine though and you will be amazed

WheresTheEvidence · 04/10/2018 22:58

"He's never been left with anyone before"

As an early years educator I suggest you spend the next couple of weeks getting him used to being left and coming back for him. Whilst I understand its hard it really is so much harder on the child when they are left in an alien place not knowing if you'll come back as opposed to regular visits to grannys or grandpa playing with you while mummy nips out.

OlennasWimple · 04/10/2018 23:00

It's very different being left on his own and being left in a stimulating room with a key worker and lots of other children. He'll be fine

And you absolutely can say "Mummy is going now but I am coming back" to him - it's a very helpful thing for them to hear, even if their understanding of what it means is limited at this age

Original poster

ethelfleda · 04/10/2018 23:20

Thank you evidence you may be right.
However, we have only one option. DM- who really struggles with health problems so have never left him with her.

OP posts:

tenlittledinosaurss · 04/10/2018 23:27

My daughter was the same and settled fine. She loves it now.

Villainelle · 04/10/2018 23:36

It's normal. I told the nursery at settling in all about how he couldn't t bear to leave me. He barely noticed I was gone. Too much to see and do, new friends to play with. I cried my heart out the full first day, he was fine. I left my job but I'm looking for another part time so I can afford to send him to nursery he loved it that much and it did him good.

Caterina99 · 05/10/2018 03:45

DD is 1 next week. She cries if I leave the room. Or if she is with someone and can see me, sometimes even when it’s DH.

She has been left several times with grandparents, babysitter, friends, and DH of course regularly, and has always been completely fine as soon as I am gone and she is distracted.

Your baby will adapt and form bonds with their nursery workers and have so much fun with all the toys and activities there. The first few weeks will be a transition, but she’ll get used to it and so will you!

Original poster

ethelfleda · 05/10/2018 08:17

Thank you so much for the reassurance.

DH and I have a plan after talking about it. We are going to drive him up there as much as possible between now and then and tell him where we are and where we are going and how fun it will be. Hopefully he will understand on some level!

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/10/2018 09:07

Try not to worry OP. Children adapt quickly imo and I bet within no time he will enjoy being at nursery. There's so much going on in that kind of setting that be won't have time to be upset!

Vanillaradio · 05/10/2018 09:15

I felt this way too. I had barely left ds for a year and then only at our home with either dh or my dps. Took ds for the first settling in session, he crawled off to the toys and started playing, barely looked up when I said goodbye and was happily sat in a circle of children having nursery rhymes sung when I got back. Most likely your ds will be the same, if he does cry they will quickly settle and reassure him and he will get used to it.
And yes do say to him mummy will be back later, my belief is children can understand a lot, long before we think they can.
Good luck, you will both be fine.

DoubleHelix79 · 05/10/2018 10:03

DD (18mo) normally hates when I leave without her, but the second I drop her off at the childminder I cease to be of any interest. Barely looks up when I go. You'll all be fine.

tealandteal · 05/10/2018 10:08

My DS started nursery 2 days before his first birthday, 6 weeks ago. He had only been with myself or DH prior to that. He absolutely loves nursery and doesn't want to leave. We had a few teary mornings but my friend drops her DS off at same nursery about 15 minutes later and she said he had always stopped by the time she got there.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 05/10/2018 10:14

It's completely normal to be apprehensive!

You may find he won't notice you going when there are lots of new people to look at & toys to play with.

My 1yo cries if I go out the room. On the couple of occasions I've left him with my next door neighbour he's not even batted an eyelid! Same goes for my 3yo, he cries if I'm popping to the shop (or dh) but happily stays with next door & runs in to nursery at the start of all of his sessions.

If he does cry it's really unlikely he'll carry on for more than 5 minutes & the staff will be used to settling children down.

Ceecee18 · 05/10/2018 10:48

DD is one and has just started nursery (at 13 months). I'd never left her with anyone other than her dad until then so I worried a lot! She cried so much the first few days at drop off but they said she settled pretty quickly and happily played all day. She didn't sleep there for the first few weeks (she goes 3 days a week) so was exhausted at home.

After a month she now cries slightly at drop off, but by the time I've put her pushchair in the shed and look back in through the window she's happily playing or eating. She now has a short nap there every day so that's improved. She starts laughing when I put her nursery coat on of a morning, so I think she now understands where she's going and is quite happy to go!

Our nursery uses the early years log website (which you can get as an app on your phone) so I can read the log at the end of the day and they also put little videos and photos of her on. Those are good as you can actually see that they've settled and aren't crying all day.

It will take a while to adapt, but they will adapt fairly quickly. It's also really helped at home, DD would just cry if her dad did nap or bed times before. Now she happily lets him, which gives me a bit more freedom!

Forevertired1 · 05/10/2018 11:33

My son has been at nursery since he 2as 9 months (now 2.5 years) and still cries if I leave him in his room with stair gate to go to the toilet or go downstairs. He loves nursery though and has no problem saying goodbye to me as soon as he gets there. Although you won't be leaving him, also try going to lots of baby/toddler groups in the next few weeks to get him used to being around other kids

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