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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about MIL?

11 replies

PurpleMac · 04/10/2018 21:29

MIL is late 60s and we are very close. I see her usually once a week, or once every other week at least.

She came to ours for dinner on Tuesday night. BIL and SIL were also here, with 5 children also in total. She seemed quite spaced out at one point, and SIL asked me if everything was ok with her but I didn't really think anything of it (BIL and SIL live about 6 hours away so only see her a couple of times a year).

This morning I met MIL for a coffee. I was having a bad morning, and within the space of a few minutes she repeated the sentence "I would just write-off this morning if I were you" about four or five times. A bit later on we were having a conversation about her ex (my FIL - separated when DH was a baby) and she told me a funny anecdote about how he reacted once when DH was sick as a baby. I laughed and told her a similar story about how FIL had been with my DS when he was poorly a few weeks back, and she responded to this by telling me the exact same anecdote that she had just told me.

I then offered her a loft home but she said she had to nip to the supermarket so would get a bus, but then proceeded to walk the length of the shopping mall with me (away from the supermarket) - I assumed she was going to another shop first, but when we got to the car park it didn't seem to register with her that she wasn't going the same way as me.

AIBU to raise my concerns with DH? She's usually very sharp and 'with it', so it seemed really unusual she's coming for dinner on Sunday so should I keep an eye on her then, and then raise with DH if it continues? I don't want to cause him any unnecessary concern but I've lost a few people to dementia and I'm really worried.

OP posts:
ArrivisteRevolt · 04/10/2018 21:32

Yes, this is not right at all. I would take her to the doctor.

Sparkletastic · 04/10/2018 21:32

Talk to her about your concerns. Ask her if she's starting taking any new medication. Suggest she sees her doctor and offer to go with her. Dementia is one possibility but so is a mini stroke or various other conditions.

ArrivisteRevolt · 04/10/2018 21:32

Dementia is not the only neurological illness.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 21:34

Just today's incidents OP? If so I would keep an eye out for a few weeks.

Is she stressed about anything?

NWQM · 04/10/2018 21:37

Did you not ask her if everything was okay? Did your SIL not at the meal? If you are both concerned - and it does sound like you should be - then please lean on each other by talking about it and get your MiL the help she deserves. Could be any number to reasons so of which are fixable - she may be terribly worried about something, have a water infection etc. Or she may be having to face life with a new scary challenge. Either way staying quiet won’t help her.

winobaglady · 04/10/2018 21:37

Could be something such as a urine infection. Definitely a visit to the doctor.

Good luck hope she's ok.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 21:37

You definitely need to follow up with this. The very first thing to find out is what if any medications she's taking. Medication induced dementia is VERY common amongst the elderly, and I have first hand experience with this regarding my grandmother. We thought she was spiraling into dementia and it turned out to be all the bloody pills some twat gp had her on. We sent her to another doctor who discovered she was being over-medicated to an extreme degree. Within a week of getting her sorted, she was back to her normal, razor sharp self.

glass3quartersfull · 04/10/2018 21:48

Yes, keep an eye on her. My MIL started with very similar behaviour which descended into Alzheimer’s. It was so very slow and insidious and took us as a family 2 years to realise that something really was wrong. Firstly it was the repeating, she then was unable to remember the details of very recent events. She was meant to be looking after my DD roughly once a week but soon became unable to remember or plan her time. As you can imagine things got worse and we eventually got a diagnosis. By that time it was clear something was wrong.

I really hope it’s not the start of things OP, 14 years later and MIL is now at end stage, sadly she’s missed most of my children’s lives.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 04/10/2018 21:52

Definitely do whatever you can to get her to the GP. Another possibility is diabetes. My dad became very spaced out and peculiar just before his diagnosis. (He's now fine, blood sugars well controlled and no more confusion.) I hope your MIL has a good outcome too.

ArrivisteRevolt · 04/10/2018 21:53

It doesn’t sound like dementia - this is rapid onset and she needs to see a dr soon.

BlueThesaurusRex · 04/10/2018 21:56

Encourage her to visit the doctors for a blood test- iron deficiency can cause similar symptoms.

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