AIBU or can I teach my baby to breastfeed after being bottle fed?

[HollyGoLoudly1]

My baby is 11 days old and has never successfully breastfed so had to get bottles as he lost so much weight. We tried all the different positions, shields etc but he would never latch on for more than a minute. Midwife diagnosed a tongue tie which has now been cut but he's still not breastfeeding. He will latch on (checked + confirmed by midwife) but won't still with it long enough to actually feed. After a couple of sucks he gets really upset + comes off.

Keep trying but it regularly ends with both of us in tears Midwife said he's so used to getting milk quickly from the bottle that he will find it really hard work trying to get milk from me.

I feel awful that I can't BF him. AIBU for putting us both through the huge upset at every feed attempt? Has anyone successfully switched from bottles to breast? TIA for any advice or success stories.

*I feel awful that I can't BF him. At all.
There is a no reason to feel awful.
What the baby needs more than anything is nourishment, whether it comes from a breast or a bottle.
Don't feel bad.

It is possible but bloody hard work. My 1st didn't breastfeed until 12 weeks and tbh it nearly broke me. You need proper support from a breastfeeding professional. Ask your midwife or HV for your nearest breastfeeding clinic and see them in person as often as you can.

Wow so many replies! Thanks everyone. I already feel better knowing so many other people had similar problems + it's maybe not too late for us. Will be going along to my local breastfeeding group and I've been referred to the hospital feeding team but it will be a couple of weeks wait. Doing a combination of expressing and topping up with formula, it's getting exhausting.

I'm going to try hand expressing for him while he's at the breast, haven't tried that one yet. Thanks again everyone

I think it’s great that you’re continuing to try so hard and hopefully these suggestions and support groups will help you successfully BF.

BUT please be kind to yourself, and don’t ruin these precious early weeks if it turns out it’s not meant to be. All my 3 kids have been mixed fed then formula fed from pretty early on; this was after support groups/lactation consultants/ hired hospital grade pumps/shields/tongue tie ops/supplementary systems, tears and hysteria. And I still couldn’t get them to stay on long enough to suck. Now, looking back, I couldn’t give a rats ass that they ended up formula fed. Then- it totally consumed my life and destroyed my early months with all 3 of them. Don’t be me. Try hard, try really hard. Then put it to bed if it’s not meant to be and enjoy your baby

I managed to go back from bottle to breast.
Top tips that I was given.

Give baby a bottle for a bit then offer breast so he's not screaming hungry - a fussy baby won't feed.
Squeeze a little milk onto the nipple first to give him a taste.
Do breast compressions to get the milk to go down to the nipple.

DS was initially bottle fed as I was ill. At five months he's now gone the opposite way and is a bottle refuser.

Hey OP, well done for keeping trying!

As the others have said it might take a while for you both to figure it out, but perseverance sounds like the way to go.

Whilst I am pro bf, I am also very much pro feeding baby however it takes, so if this doesn't work out for you PLEASE don't feel like you've failed.

...you and your beautiful baby are going to spend years and years learning how to do stuff, and believe me a lot of it will take you both time to master! Feeding, eating, sleeping, potty training, reading, driving...

Yes ir's totally possible. You need support from people who kniw what they're talking about. Most midwives are not trained to help with this.

Start by calling the National Breastfeeding Helpline.

0300 100 0212

They also have web chat www.nationalbreastfeedinghelpline.org.uk

I've done it! We had to formula feed at first, then mix fed, and now at 6 weeks we are 100% bf! Can you express by hand? When he's latched on, if you squeeze like you're expressing it'll squirt milk into his mouth and encourage him to keep sucking. Google paced feeding as well. Keep trying, it takes some time and effort but you can do it.

We did when she was 8 days old. We saw a cranial osteopath which really helped, oddly. She went from fully formula fed to fully breast fed. I couldn't find anyone to support us but I did eat and drink and rest a lot (she was my first), lots of skin to skin, and we spent a lot of our life feeding on demand.

It's fine to formula feed though. Don't feel guilty. If I had my time again I would try to mixed feed.

Suggest you phone the NCT helpline on 0300 330 0700.

They will help you by phone and put you in contact with local breastfeeding support. You really need support from a feeding specialist.

Midwives are not feeding specialists and have often had very little formal training in supporting breastfeeding. Therefore their advice sometimes is a mixture of anecdotes, half truths and personal opinion with little evidence base.

I am 5 days in with my newborn and this thread has really helped. She wasn’t getting enough in hospital and my nipples became so sore, so we started topping up with formula and pumping, but with pumping I’m not getting enough for a full feed.

I’m putting her on the breast before each feed but she does her frustrated and doesn’t latch well, so I have to have a bottle ready nearby.

I’ve been pumping with a manual pump on and off for the past hour and have 30ml. DP is going to get an electric pump today and I have ordered a set of those calma teats.

I’m desperate to get it fully established.

Be kind to yourself. If you can get the help to carry on then try if it means a lot to you. But if you are getting so upset then there has to be a point you have to way up the pros and cons. I was very similar to you and and it affected me for a long time. The misery and pain for me and my baby each feed wasn’t worth it. She was a different child once we stopped trying to breastfeed.

The best thing for us was to stop trying- for you it might be to keep going. Whatever you decide to do, please don’t let it affect you negatively. I wish I hadn’t been as hard on myself as I was and it is only with the benefit of time that I could have some perspective. I never imagined I’d do anything other than breastfeed so it was a bit of a shock when it didn’t work at all for me.

Thanks everyone. Some lovely folk on MN

Feeling a lot calmer about it and definitely taking on the advice not to let it spoil our first precious weeks together. I know I want to keep trying but I am determined not to let it take over our whole lives. Thanks everyone for the advice and support!

I've done this but just a heads up it was 17/18 years ago!

Dd and I had a horrendous time with her birth and initially she had to be tube fed and then bottle fed as she was very poorly and my milk took a while to come in (common with cs plus traumatic birth lot of blood loss).

Once home I had a WONDERFUL midwife who assured me I could switch us from bottle to bf but it would take some work, and determination plus I'm afraid to say basically refusing baby the bottle.

She advised expressing/pumping to get flow started to make it a bit easier for dd and so dd realised that's where the food was!

Took a day or two initially and at that point dd would only feed from one boob. Then I found a position she'd feed on from other boob.

Took about a week/10 days until I became aware I no longer needed to express/pump before starting a feed.

At that point was still a bit uncomfortable and occasionally painful for me, but dd was sorted! That's normal for bf. Don't believe the guff about "if you're doing it right it doesn't hurt" it's a new experience for your body so takes time to get used to.

From around 6 weeks on it was no longer even uncomfortable and I found it quite a soothing pleasant feeling.

You of course don't HAVE to do any of this or even bf but if you want to you can and this is what I was advised and what worked for me.

In a small number of cases, bf just won’t work.
I know that sounds ridiculous and I didn’t believe it myself - and drove myself mad trying for ten months - but it is true.
I wasted so much tears, time and energy (and money) when I could have been doing lovely things with DB instead.

I rang the NCT helpline
I saw the community BF support worker
I went to see a private lactation consultant
I emailed a bf guru in the US
I saw my GP
I bought every type and size of bottle and teat going.
I borrowed different pumps and pillows and tried different positions
I drank special herbal teas and went on special diets
I did massage techniques.
I spent hours every day hand-expressing...for months*.

Absolutely no use at all. DB never ever breastfed. Just wouldn’t/couldn’t - we’ll never know why.

Cut forward six years and he’s 100% fine - eats a very healthy diet, is very healthy, no allergies, no growth problems, no oral health problems, no bonding issues. He certainly doesn’t carry around the mark of Cain because he wouldn’t/couldn’t breastfeed.

I remember the community BF worker telling me after ten days I should leave it be. I really really wish I’d taken her advice - but she was drowned out by all the other people and general societal pressure saying good mothers breastfeed and if you don’t then you aren’t doing your best for your child.

@pickleup I recognise those dark days you describe. It almost seems ridiculous now but at the time I was in absolute despair over trying so damn hard and it not working.

My mental health was massively affected by my inability to breastfeed; it’s so hard to imagine anyone else putting themselves through It. I do think for a lot of people struggling extra support and info does help and BF will turn out ok in the end. But there’ll always be a few, me, you and others, for whom it doesn’t. I hope it works out for the OP in whatever way suits her best. And I hope she believes us that when you look back, it really doesn’t matter at all.