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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

LG staying over at dads

2 replies

Mumao · 04/10/2018 19:08

I split with my ex in August. He has our lo for 3/4 nights most weekends (Thursday, Friday, Saturday and sometimes Sunday). He has been working Saturday morning so I have been having her and I always see her on a Friday as I collect her from nursery.

Lo was a terrible sleeper until about 15 months and we (I) got her into a routine and she had been sleeping really well. Going into her cot by herself and settling well. I can’t stress enough what an achievement this is and how much of a terrible sleeper she was!

Since ex has got his iwn place I’ve been asking how she’s sleeping etc etc and he always says ‘fine’. I’ve had a few bad nights when I’ve had her and just put it down to the changes happening.

Anyway her behaviour isn’t great, smacking etc (she’s only 2 so I know it’s to be expected) and going to bed is getting worse and worse...

I spoke to her dad tonight and have found out that instead of putting her to sleep in her cot (he has a travel cot at the moment) he lays on his bed with her until she falls asleep at around 9.30! And I had to drag this information out if him. I had to specifically ask how he puts her to bed, what time etc.

He says he wasn’t putting her in the cot as I said she could climb out of it (she did it once and I told him that) I told him that as a warning... she can climb out of her normal cot at mine but has only done that once also.

Aibu to be pissed off that A. This is happening and B. That it has taken him two months to tell me.

I think it’s just lazy parenting and is making her tired and that is making her play up more. She is subdued more than usual too.

He is just so lazy and basically feeds her sausages the whole time she is with him ‘because she won’t eat anything else’. That’s not true, she loves all sort of food but I pick my battles and this doesn’t bother me too much as I make sure she eats well with me.

I’ve asked him to go back to her routine but can’t see him doing it. Wwyd?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 05/10/2018 00:53

I would try not to let your broken relationship get in the way of you parenting your little one in the best way you can.
So try not to approach it with it sounds - as it does here - as a criticism of him, and try suggesting, it will be easier for both of you, if you try to be as consistent as you can with things like bedtime routines.
Say,.... what I've been trying recently and seems to be starting to work is...... X,Y Z' and present it as 'it might help when she is at yours too, so you don't end up having to lie with her for 90mins'. You are much more likely to get a better response.

It;s not just about this one or 2 issues. You've got 20 years of this. Try to help each other out from the start by presenting a united front on things you don't hold totally opposing views on, rather than ending up both being secretive / defensive as and when one makes a mistake or gets it a bit wrong or just tries something that doesn't work.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 05/10/2018 01:02

I think you can suggest it, but at the end of it that's his time with her and if that's how he wants to get her to sleep at his house that's what he's going to do.

It isn't ideal, but during that time, he's the parent in charge and has to deal wit things in a way he's sees appropriate

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