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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want another baby?

27 replies

peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 16:57

I know no one can tell me but I'm so so confused. one minute I'm desperate for a baby the next I think it's a terrible idea.
I have a 7 year old daughter and a 4 year old son. Love them to bits but I'm sooo broody.
I had hyperemis with both and spd, then post natal depression which has been pretty bad at times.
Relationship with DH is up and down, argue like crazy then have lots of sex then back to arguing.
I absolutely hate not having enough sleep and can barely function.
We would have to move to a bigger house which we can do but it wouldn't be easy, we would have to save for a while but it won't be impossible either.
I've just got back into part time work again and lost weight and feel like ME again.
Most of our life revolves around the DC with clubs and things but I love it, I like doing things for them it doesn't bother me that I don't have much time to go out because I'm an introvert and love being with family and I do get to see my friends now and then which wouldn't change.
The broodiness is on another level though, I've never felt this strongly about wanting a baby ever before
Am I crazy to want one when we don't seem to be in the position for it? someone tell me to get a grip please and just enjoy what I have. I'm so up and down about this I just want to make a firm decision and stick to it.

OP posts:
BestBeforeYesterday · 04/10/2018 16:59

What does your DH say about ttc DC3?

Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2018 17:01

Frankly, yes.

Original poster
peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 17:01

He would have 50 DC but then he isn't the type to be logical about it or to prioritise things.
He's not desperate for another but he wouldn't say no.

OP posts:
Momo27 · 04/10/2018 17:02

Sounds like a truly terrible idea, as you’re arguing with your dh, you’re barely functioning with lack of sleep and financially it would be a stretch. You’ve also just got back into work so you’d either be giving that up or shelling out probably everything you earn on childcare.

Are you sure you’re not just having a wobble because your youngest is starting school age and you’re moving into the next phase of life?

Honestly? I think you’d be nuts. Embrace your growing freedom and the chance to develop other aspects of your life. Every mum and dad is so much more than ‘just a mum or dad’

Honeypickle · 04/10/2018 17:03

How old are you? Sometimes it’s knowing that we’re getting to the end of our fertile time makes us long for another baby - but the reality of it would be quite different!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 17:07

Honestly, I can't think of one good reason for you to have another baby after reading your OP.

SoyDora · 04/10/2018 17:09

Reading your OP it doesn’t sound like a good idea, no. Even just your relationship issues would put me off having another.

Original poster
peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 17:10

momo what you're saying is so right and yet why do I still want one so badly?Confused I am having a wobble you're right, I keep looking at my Dc and thinking how much less they need me and how I have no more babies.
I also keep getting told by everyone that I'd regret it if i didn't have another but that's mainly my in-laws and parents and they're not thinking about what I've been through already.

OP posts:
Original poster
peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 17:13

I am 35. i have always wanted 3 DC but kept putting it off and had decided that 2 were enough but I don't know why the feeling is so strong for the past year for me to have another.
My DH and I almost divorced at one point too so I know we're not in a good place.
I'm going crazy Blush

OP posts:
Normandy144 · 04/10/2018 17:18

It doesn't sound like a good idea given what you have said about the state of your relationship. A 3rd child could well be the death of your relationship. I would focus on your relationship with DH and invest your time into improving that and finding out why you are always arguing etc. The priority should be trying to preserve and improve your existing relationship so that your existing children can benefit.

Original poster
peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 17:26

Has anybody ever been in a similar situation and regretted not having another?
or had the broodiness ever just gone away?
Why don't I feel like 2 is enough? I come from a small family and wish I had more siblings but at the same time I like how much time I can give each of my DC.
DH and I have honestly grown apart but neither of us wants to have less than 100 percent of out time with our DC and to be perfectly honest my DD is so very sensitive that she would react terribly if we split.
We are still attracted to one another and still have sex but we just don't agree on much else.

OP posts:
Original poster
peasinpods12 · 04/10/2018 17:28

I know the answer and I knew what you d all say but I I posted this to give myself a kick up the bum and realise what a bad idea it would be to have another.
I just don't know how to stop the urge to have one, it's all I bloody think about.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 04/10/2018 17:35

I have 4 DC still got very very broody, howled when I got sterilised but KNEW there had to be a limit IYSWIM.

It's hormones and natures way of making us procreate IMHO!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 04/10/2018 17:35

what you're saying is so right and yet why do I still want one so badly?

Hormones.

Based on everything you've said in your OP and subsequent updates (especially the difficulties in your marriage) in your situation I would resolve to concentrate on what I already have and remind myself that the broodiness will pass.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/10/2018 17:36

Think about the impact financially it would have on your family having to move to a bigger house, how hard it would be juggling your dc with their clubs after school/weekends, how much less time you'd have to help them with homework and how you'd have to stretch yourself between 3 children's attention.
Think about the affect it would have on your already delicate marriage, how would you cope as a single mother of 3?
Take into account the cost for 3 children's birthdays, Christmas presents, clothes, shoes, food.

Would you need a bigger car? What about your job that you've just started, could you afford 3 children on just your DH's wage?

What about when that child turned 4? Would you want another baby?

They are baby's for such a short period of time and obviously very sweet but the responsibility of them is ongoing and believe me the older they get the more expensive they become!

shallichangemyname · 04/10/2018 17:36

I thought I'd like a third.
I got a fourth into the bargain (twins). Not in my plan! I was 37. I read later that the chance of fraternal twins peaks at 37 and increases the more pregnancies you've had. I love them all but life would have been simpler with 2!

Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2018 17:37

I’m 40. Just had my second. My DH is great. We have a fantastic relationship. We have a big enough house, enough money and family support.

I still regret it some days and find it relentlessly tiring and difficult.

Oysterbabe · 04/10/2018 17:39

It would be utterly insane.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 04/10/2018 17:42

I have three, I'm desperate to have another and last month very nearly came off the pill. If dh hadn't had the sense he does and made sure we truly knew it was/wasn't the right thing I would have gone for it. After lots of very long chats we've come to realise as much as another would be lovely the negatives it would bring, especially to the other children are just to much. I'm sad about it and a part of me always will be but I've had to go with my head on this one. I will say, when I was pregnant with dc3 I was absolutely sure about them being our last. Then once he got to 6 months old the broodiness has hit me in waves on and off. I truly think I'm one of those women that will still want another baby even if I had 10, I don't think I'll lose the feeling. I'd rather give the children I do have the time and other things they need though than sacrifice that coz my hormones are a bit mad.

Loopyloopy · 04/10/2018 17:44

The broodiness is not a good basis for a decision. Is there any other way you can find an outlet for the broodiness? Get a puppy? Volunteer as a neonatal intensive care "granny"?

PrivateDoor · 04/10/2018 17:50

I was in a similar position, a son and a daughter similar ages to yours. I became so broody, I knew the only way to get past it was to have a baby! So we did it.We have never regretted it and from the day and hour she was born, we knew our family was complete. I have had the odd niggle of broodiness recently but nothing I cannot cope with. Really the only differences in our situation is we had no relationship problems. That is a hard one to overcome though.

Sometimes I look at my youngest dc and think how I cannot imagine life without her, she is amazing and has brought us all so much happiness. I know I would have deeply regretted not having her.

oldgimmer78 · 04/10/2018 17:52

How old are you OP? I ask as I am around 40 and get these moments of madness where I think it would be a great idea to have another despite having no partner even though it really wouldn't. You can see that your circs aren't ideal, so is this your body's way of attempting a last minute baby before you are peri menopausal?

Aquamarine1029 · 04/10/2018 17:56

Personally, I don't think you're in any position to have another baby. Your relationship is very rocky, and your physical and mental health are questionable. Broodiness is just a hormonal side effect.

LeftRightCentre · 04/10/2018 17:59

Yes, YABVU!

Rebecca36 · 04/10/2018 18:01

Not only unreasonable but quite bonkers considering everything you went through.

Be happy with the two you have! Feeling broody happens, doesn't mean it is the responsible thing to give in to it.

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