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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Decorating 😂

8 replies

Luckoftheirish71 · 04/10/2018 13:58

So I have been with my second husband for six years . I had my own house when we met so after three years just before we married he moved in with me and my 3 kids and had his children on weekends . It was a nightmare as my daughter and stepdaughter both teenagers had to share a small bedroom and were arguing all the time . My father passed away and I was left some money of which I put into us buying a new home suitable for two mixed families. My husband pays the mortgage and I rented out my home.
As the house is in his name ( I drew up a legal document to protect my inheritance) he has definitely changed in his behaviour. He will not let me to any decorating without his permission and timescale and says no all the time to any improvements. It a very old Victorian house and very dark, he won’t agree to glass in the front door like all the other houses in the Rd! We had a really cheap quote for spot lights which he said he doesn’t want a big electric bill ! To top it off after him finally agreeing to let me have the main lounge decorated which unfortunately I chose a very strong pink which looked great on the tin he will not allow me to repaint it! Think bubblegum colour, it looks awful! I am feeling very frustrated and controlled! He’s got a great job where he is looked up to and I am starting to think what an arrogant pig he is! I feel he likes the control as he has never cared about houses, his rented properties were a tip! I have always loved a nice home and I am feeling very depressed! I absolutely loved him but I feel I am going off him as I try to discuss anything with him he says I am picking on him and he plays the victim. He actually walked out for a night last week as I am picking on him and apparently a spoilt child as I can’t get my own way ! Maybe he’s right ???

OP posts:
Aprilislonggone · 04/10/2018 14:03

Married or not I don't ask dh his opinion to much level regarding deco etc, based on his past bachelor pad- he isn't gifted in home styling! He does help and always agree on my choices anyway. Your dh sounds like a df telling a teen what they can't do with their bedroom!!

QuizzlyBear · 04/10/2018 14:11

In our house if I want decoration or diy done, I just go ahead and do it / pay for it. I don't ask permission! If you're paying for it or putting in the hard work then you have the sway vote.

Perhaps it's worth a frank conversation with him about whether his attitude is caused by his odd belief that this is HIS home, not your joint one. If not, he's being very controlling not to allow you to decorate your own home - especially if he doesn't have plans to do so.

Luckoftheirish71 · 04/10/2018 14:15

Oh my god you’re right 😂

OP posts:
Luckoftheirish71 · 04/10/2018 14:18

He has told me if I repaint the awful lounge behind his back he will put the house on the market! I have to wait at least six months and he may reconsider! What an idiot!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2018 14:20

He sounds really unpleasant.

bridgetreilly · 04/10/2018 14:22

I really don't understand why the house is in his name only if you put some of your inheritance towards purchasing it. But notwithstanding, you do not need his permission for these things. If he's seriously walking out on any discussion and threatening to sell the house if you make changes, then it seems to me there are some bigger issues in your relationship. He needs to get a grip and soon.

ScabbyBabby · 04/10/2018 14:25

I would seriously tell him to put the house on the market and give you your money back.

You don't need him, you can hopefully give your tenants notice and move back in to your original home and with your inheritance AND the choice to decorate exactly how you want.

Aprilislonggone · 04/10/2018 14:26

His idea is the better one imo.

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