To be upset by

[cadburyegg]

I have 2 DS but in between the 2 I had a miscarriage - it was pretty awful - lots of time off work, hemorrhage, d&c, infection etc. I was lucky to fall pregnant quickly afterwards though and despite a complicated high risk pregnancy (bleeding, cholestasis), my second DS is 7 months old.

At toddler group this morning another Mum told me that she wants another girl next time as she already has 1 boy and she’d hate to have 2 boys. I couldn’t think of anything to say but came home and cried but I know that’s ridiculous and an overreaction on my part considering i love my 2 DS, consider myself very fortunate and don’t crave a girl at all.

She didn’t mean it maliciously but AIBU to think this was really insensitive? I can’t fathom why I’m cross about it considering it’s just her opinion after all

password Your SIL is awesome!

People are so odd about the make up of other people's DC. My DF has 2 boys and is asked loads if she's going to try for a girl, another with 2 girls always being asked if she wants to try for a boy. Whereas I have one of each and get the 'oh your family is complete now so you won't want to try again'. I may actually, I may have always wanted more than 2. I don't but then I wouldn't even if I'd had 2 the same.

Sorry you had an awful time. Reminds me of when a friend gave birth to her third beautiful, healthy daughter. She rang her grandmother who said "oh dear! You must be SO disappointed! "

So many people have opinions on what other people should want/need when it comes to children. It should be taboo to come out with such shite.

I have two boys and am often asked "are you going to try for a girl?". Initially I would be polite and taught it off, now I dead-eye them and say "I can't have any more children, but thank you for bringing that up". DH dies a bit inside when I do it in front of him but it shuts it down totally. My reproductive shenanigans are nobody's business.

I know someone who 'tried' four times to get the boy they wanted. When the third little girl was born the husband knocked on our door and with a long face announced it's another girl; when the fourth girl was born I don't think he even told us.

As someone who had a still birth and 3 miscarriages I have to say I wasn't overly sympathetic with them.

Thankfully I ended up having three healthy babies and I can honestly say that at no point during any of my pregnancies did I mind one way or the other what sex the babies were.

I think the only answer you can give to stupid people like that woman OP is to say you love having your two gorgeous boys and when you were pregnant just wanted a healthy baby.

I don't get the boy hate. You very rarely hear "oh no not another girl". (Except from Henry VIII ).

Boys are just as lovely, snuggly & lush.

And more importantly they're all different characters and developing people.

Basically people are daft.

Pigs.

I have 3 boys and to be honest i was happy by the time i had my 3rd i actually wanted a boy already all i need and made sense when it came room sharing ect. Nearly everyone was disappointed i wasn't having a girl. Dh's family actually showed no interest at all in my 3rd because it was another boy and not a girl.

I have 2 girls and I hear this comment often, "but dont you want to try for a boy?" I used to smile and say nothing. Last week a lady asked the same thing. For the first time I replied, "No I don't actually. Im happy with my two girls". She didnt say anything! I felt great that I'd said something. People that think life's not perfect unless you bear one of each gender needs to give their head a good wobble!

I have three boys and I would have loved a daughter. This comment wouldn’t upset me at all because she is talking about herself and not you. People always comment negatively to me about having three boys, it amazes me the things people say but you have to let it go over your head.

Oh thank you LandyRochfords.

I have had “ohhhh, but wouldn’t your husband love a son?”. Maybe he would but apart from pissing standing up, there isn’t anything he could share with a son that he can’t share with our daughters. I was delighted to have 2 the same - makes the logistics of life easier.

@thesearmsofmine 100%

I’d love a little girl- doesn’t mean I love my boys any less! I was prob a bit disappointed when i found out but more disappointed at what I wasn’t getting instead of disappointed with what I was getting IYSWIM.
I think it’s ok to have a preference, I think it’s crap to impose your preference on someone else. So I’d have thought it’s only insensitive if you are disappointed with only boy.

I completely agree with you OP.

My DS1 was born 16 weeks prematurely and had a long fight to survive. With DS2 I had masses of invasive (and probably extremely expensive) treatment throughout my pregnancy to hold him in for long enough. Even people who knew the whole story would look at me pityingly and ask “are you going to try again and hope for a little girl next time?” I usually responded along the lines of “considering everything that’s happened, we’re enormously grateful to have two healthy children....and frankly I think think the NHS would probably close down if I turned up seeking even more treatment!”. That usually shut them up!

You very rarely hear "oh no not another girl

mother of 3 girls - trust me - you do!

Fair enough ghosty!

I’ve got 4 DDs. The amount of times I’ve been told “oh your poor DH not getting a son”, and comments when I was pregnant with number 4 about how desperate I must’ve been for a boy.... most of the time I think it is idle, thoughtless conversation and not malicious but it is annoying.

There's nothing wrong with having a preference for a particular sex. Loads of people do. Whether it was inappropriate or not, depends on how the preference was expressed. Simply stating she would like a girl next time is fine. Sympathising with someone who has 2 boys, not so much. Treating a boy as a disappointment, also completely unacceptable.

Regardless of preference, the vast majority of people are happy with whatever arrives.

My first was a boy. I would have preferred a girl. I terminated the pregnancy due to ffa. Despite that, next pregnancy I still wanted a girl. It was another boy whom I adore. Next was a girl, whom I also adore and fourth was a boy, and guess what, I adore him too.

If I had my choice, I would have probably gone for all girls but we don't get a choice so you have to be willing to accept and be happy with whatever arrives.

I get this a lot. I have three boys. Youngest is 5months and at baby groups it's often first time mums and they seem to comment with horror sometimes that I've got three boys and wasn't actually trying for a girl.
I've had the "oh I have one boy, baby girl and want a third, had my baby girl been a boy I wouldn't want a third, who wants three boys?"
I have three boys! I'm smitten.

Ignore them. People say weird things, or sit engage their brain before talking.

I always feel very uncomfortable about the comments of how amazing it is to have had one of, I have a son and then a daughter and I was honestly slightly disheartened finding out I was carrying a girl the second time as I was afraid of how it would affect there bond. Coming from a family of all sisters myself I always loved that they'd understand how I was feeling about things and originally feared my children would miss out on that