To wonder if this is fair of my landlord to ask?

[sharkirasharkira]

I have recently moved into a room in a shared house. It's lovely and I am happy to be here. I can't afford my own place at the moment so a room is the best I can get. Landlord also lives in the house but is often away.

However, when I signed the paperwork I noticed that there is a bit that requires me to not let anyone else stay in the room. Now, if this was to let people stay in the room without me I would totally understand that the landlord would be uncomfortable with that, but I can't have anyone else in the room at all

I am single and although I'm not at the stage yet of wanting to meet someone new but it does make me wonder if it's fair? For all intents and purposes, this is my home, my private space, my entire life is in here. Surely it's not unreasonable that I should have 'overnight guests', or any guests on occasion? I'm on a very low income so going out to places all the time or paying for hotel rooms is not really an option.

Of course if I do meet someone I could always go to their place but they may be in a similar situation, and mine is really convenient in terms of proximity to the local town. Tbh in the future it just might be nice to hang out with someone in my own 'home'.

Of course it's the LL's home too and I will be respectful of that but is it fair to ask an adult not to have anyone round in their private space?

Now you've moved in, be a good lodger, respect the rules and get your landlord's trust. So no loud music, no leaving washing in washing machine for ages, clean up after yourself in the kitchen and bathroom etc. Sorry if I'm teaching grandma to suck eggs but I've shared with people who weren't considerate before.

Once he sees that you're a good tenant, he might not mind a boyfriend hanging out with you in your room or staying overnight from time to time.

YABU........

Agree with Havaina. Show the landlord that you are trustworthy and a good tennant.

I guess they have set their stall out from the start, or some people will and maybe have taken the piss in the past. Once they get to know you and you show them you are sensible, then they may relax a few of the rules.

I am a good and considerate tenant/lodger and will be respectful of the fact that it is his space, without question. I guess I just have to show that I will be a good housemate and go from there!

Just ask, once you're settled, if you can have a friend over for a drink / someone to stay.

You have to build trust beforehand.

It’s not unreasonable for you to want to bring someone back

It is not unreasonable for the landlord to include this provision clearly in the contract

It is unreasonable for you to sign aforementioned contract aware of condition and then feel pissed off about it

When I owned my own home and let out the spare room I was letting it out to an individual. One tenant did ask if their boyfriend could stay one weekend and I gave permission - but I wouldn't have been happy if I hadn't been asked and I would have wanted to charge more if it had become a regular thing.

An extra person using the bathroom, for example, is more disruptive.

When I rented a room myself, later, I had the unfortunate experience to return from a visit to my wife to be told by one of the other lodgers that our landlady had rented out my room to complete strangers while I was away.

I hope your contract doesn't allow that. (I didn't have one)

I think they are trying to avoid scenarios where a friend comes to the room a lot and is using all the utilities - for free. I've seen that happen in a lot of house-shares I've been in and it's not fair on everyone else. I guess they are safeguarding in case that happened.

I have a proper tenancy agreement and a deposit in a scheme etc, not sure if that technically makes me a lodger or a tenant (doesn't really matter either way!)

Yes, it does matter.

At the risk of oversimplifying: if you are renting a room from a live-in landlord, you are a lodger. If your landlord does not live in the premises, you are a tenant.

Lodgers have virtually no rights.

You may not like it but it's fair.

I never said I was pissed off about it @Notsohorriblehistory!

@knittingdad I have my own en-suite so there is no issue with bathrooms but I get your point. My contract stipulates that the LL or anyone else can't enter my room without my permission, he always texts me in advance if he needs access although it's only happened once so far. He also has to give 2 weeks notice if he wants me to leave and visa versa.

I suppose I just wonder if it's fair because it seems that there are a lot of people in my position in this part of the country as the wages are notorious low here, and unless you have family you can live with or a partner to share the costs most of us just can't afford to live alone in our own places. When I was searching for a house share many of the ads had similar rules about house guests but it seems difficult for 2 adults to maintain a long term and close enough relationship to want to move in together when they aren't allowed to spend time together alone in their living spaces.

But we'll just have to see what happens, I'll need to get a partner first

there is a website I think called Monday to thursday which specialises in lodgers for 4 nights so they go home weekends

I can understand why.
You only have to read posts from people with flatmates and then the partner moves in, although not officially. But they are always there so might as well be living there. But of course, they aren't contributing to anything. And some of the Cf's even start to try and take over/implement their own rules either directly or through their partner.

but it seems difficult for 2 adults to maintain a long term and close enough relationship to want to move in together when they aren't allowed to spend time together alone in their living spaces.

Of course it isn't. People used to manage to maintain just such without camping out overnight in each other's rooms several nights a week. However did they do it? God forbid they use their imagination and spend time together talking, doing stuff that doesn't involve staying over. You act like you're a school child. You're an adult who signed a contract. And yes, most of them have clauses like this because when you're in a shared space no one wants to share the living space they're paying for with your random man (or woman). I sure as hell wouldn't and definitely not in my house. If you don't like it, find another place to live because obviously there's enough demand out there that most lodging and shared house contracts state this and there's no shortage of tenants.

I think this is standard in house shares and lodgings to protect the other people paying for their space, privacy and utilities.

Perfectly fair.

In one place I lodged at I had a verbal agreement that if I had someone to stay I paid extra for them. The landlord decided - and unfairly it was down to age so if you were older they made the agreement - whether your partner could stay over. However I never had anyone stay when I worked away for work.

thanks for info TeacupDrama

YABU to have moved in before seeing sight of the contract! That’s so dodgy!

As a lodger and not a tenant, the 2 weeks’ notice does not apply. The landlord can require you to leave immediately.

I lived under a similar agreement when I first moved to London (I was young and working too hard to care about boys) it worked for me as I got a hefty discount on an awesome place and in return basically lived like I was their daughter (super sweet retired couple).

On a few occasions female friends visited and stayed over (never a problem) but boys were a no go and this didn’t change throughout my tenancy with them. With lodging you don’t have ‘rights’ like you do if you rent a flat or house...etc.

It doesn’t matter if you’re paying rent if you ask your LL if he’s cool with a guy you’ve met staying over and he says no then tough shit 🤔 don’t sign the contract to agree to that if you’re not ok with it xx

@Maelstrop the contract wasn't available until the day I was moving in, it all happened quite quickly as I was let down last minute by another LL.

Is there any reason why you're being so hostile @LeftRightCentre? Where have I acted like a school child? Have I stamped my feet and demanded anything? No! I'm just curious as it's been a long time since I've been a lodger and I've never come across this before.

It's a very sad and unfortunate set of circumstances that have lead me to be in a position where I have to rent a room in someone else's house, it isn't by choice. If you read my posts you would see that most of the available options are similar, there aren't always a plethora of choices for people in my circumstances. I don't actually 'share' any of the house except the kitchen anyway as there is no shared living space and the rest is my private room/s. You're making a load of assumptions.

FWIW I would be happy to pay extra in the event I did want someone to stay over, I did actually see an ad for one that asked an extra £5 a night which is totally fair but it was in the wrong area for me.

Although it doesn't help you now I think the solution to this problem is more affordable housing. People living permanently in an area should be able to afford their own home with their own front door (and right to have overnight guests).

Lodging should really only be for people staying in an area temporarily, or for weeknights, who don't want to have to worry about furniture and kitchen utensils.