to let DC compete against eachother?

[upsideup]

DS(9) and DD(11) both do the same sport, DS wants to do this as a career and is completely obsessed with it. He practises over an hour most days and will put thus above anything else, although his hard work definitely shows and he is doing really well its taken a long time for him to build his confidence.
DD does it just as a stress relief and to keep fit, she's always been talented at it though even from putting in minimal effort which recently has motivated her to work a but harder but she will still skip practice to do other activities or to see friends.

There is a big competition next year which would be DS's first real one, dd has done a few when she first started but didn't enjoy them so stopped. DS asked to take part a few weeks ago which we agreed to, this means travelling, missing a few days of school and will cost quite a bit, the plan was to leave the other kids at home with family friends and me and DH take DS on his own.

DD asked this morning if we think she should have a go and replied 'yeah, maybe' when we asked if she wanted to. They would be competing in different categories so not against each other but will be able to compare how they place and their scores. DS realistically won't be getting 1st-3rd place but he will be younger in his category, his aim is 3rd and he will be devastated if he doesn't get that. At the moment we think that dd could easily get 1st place in her category but she would be a bit older and based on what other girls have done and scored previous years she could really impress and gain attention there.

They are both really good kids, hardly ever argue and are always really supportive of each other so I'm not worried that DD would rub it in DS's face that she did better or that DS would sulk and not congratulate dd but I know that ds in particular won't feel the best and will be getting less of our attention and support as he would have done.

This is more what would you as I havent decided what to do yet but AIBU to let dd compete? or AIBU to not let dd compete?

I would let them both compete. It would be unfair to not allow DD just because DS is already going and if he's disappointed with how it goes you can spend time talking it though with DS. I think handling disappointment really comes along with any sport at a competitive level so I don't think you should shy away from it but obviously do your best to support DS if it does happen.

Under those circumstances yes I would.

There are others I wouldn’t.

I'd let them both go - I don't think it would be fair to say she can't go because she's not as committed as DS - some people are just very talented and don't have to work as hard as others to get to the same level - in the end anyone who wants to be at the very top level of any sport will have to work extremely hard at it though so that's where the commitment level will make a difference. Who knows, if DD goes and does well maybe she will wonder how far she could get in the sport, it may inspire her. I think any level of engagement with sport is worth encouraging!

I know that ds in particular won't feel the best and will be getting less of our attention and support as he would have done.

I'm confused about this statement.

I'd let them both compete.

My 2 DD’s both enjoy and compete at the same sport, they are similar ages to your DC at 7 and 10 and I find the little bit of sister rivalry and competition spurs them on.

My eldest is quite competitive in nature anyway and can be quite hard on herself if isn’t placed and sometimes we need to remind her not to be such a bad loser but I find when they compete against or even taught in their hobby at the same time my older DD seems to enjoy it more and does it for fun rather than just to win/place

Why would your DS be getting less support?

They should both compete and be supported.

You need to explain that as they are different age groups and sexes then it is not a like for like comparison. I am assuming it is a martial art of some type. You never know who will also be entering the competition if it is that significant that you are travelling to compete. You also don't know what other participants have done training wise etc so you don't know for a fact that DD will win.

Also DS is 9. He can't possibly know that he is good enough to do it as a career (especially if you believe he may not even place in his agre group).

We don't usually worry about them going against each other when it isnt face to face but I was just worried as this time its his first competion and as far as he is aware its just a trip with just him and his parents, I don't want him to feel like his moment and 1 on 1 time with is getting taken away just because dd is better.
Also dd would be missing a few days of Year 7 instead of Year 5 if thats relevent.

Actually, I'm going to take my statement back. If you son will be devastated if he places less than 3rd, I don't know that I would let him compete. He sounds overinvested. You win some, you lose some; that's how it is with sport. If he can't handle losing, is be wary about letting him compete.

Devastated was probably dramatic, he will be disapointed if he doesnt reach his goal but there won't be actual tears or tantrums over it.

Maybe I don't understand this but DD being there will not harm his chances because they are not in the same category? He has the same chance if winning as he would if she wasn't there? Why don't you treat it as a family team situation - even if it's not a team sport? Ie "team upsidedown" are going to compete at the regional xyz competition and you are all there for each other & maybe work out some kind of joint ranking (if that's possible). Are they representing a club? Maybe that's how to do it? I'm just saying if you can find a way, it might be more jolly all round to present your family attendance as a team type endeavour so they can support each other rather than setting it up as the DCs competing.

I'd let them both compete. It could be a useful learning experience for your DS - if he is serious about this sport, he will always come up against people who manage to do well seemingly without as much hard work as he puts in, and it is important for him to learn how to deal with that, to use it as motivation perhaps, to develop his resilience and determination, to consider ways he can improve etc - as he will need all these things if he wants to get to the top in his chosen sport.

Remind him that its supposed to be fun first and foremost, but afterwards, teach him about how to review his performance/any feedback and use it to figure out what he needs to work on to improve for the next time... teach him about how each competition is an opportunity to learn what he needs to do in order to get better. Talk to him about personal bests as well as scores against other people.

I'm a little on the fence. I would allow both- but DD would need to commit or I'd pull her. She is t that interested from reading g your post, more a meh, you're already going why don't I go too. I'd expect her to attend all practises between then and now and show some commitment.

Thankyou, we're letting dd do which ds is fine and even a bit excited about.

If they are in different categories then I would let both compete. Whilst they might compare scores, realistically being in different categories means little when comparing with each other. Any comparison should be directly with those in their category as that will take into account age, level etc.

I have boy/girl twins who both do gymnastics. Girl has been doing it a year longer but boy always places better. It has caused tears and devastation before as their proficiency level is exactly the same. The only time we can say their scores can't be compared at the moment is one of the invitationals they attend as boys and girls have different routines. Otherwise their routine is identical.

Will they be competing at exactly the same time? If they are then you will have to divide you and dh so each is being watched. Otherwise, I go back to them being in different categories meaning realistically their results cannot be compared. Work on showing them this, and why (be it age, physique etc) and ask them to be equally supportive of each other.

Why does your daughter now think she might want to compete in this particular competition? Is there another one with similar gravitas which would be suitable for her more recreational approach as tbh, although you say they support each other and hardly argue, I feel more that your daughter has seen her brother getting recognition and reward for his hard work and has realised she can do as well or better with a lot less effort. But then that might be me projecting as academia came easier to my little sister whereas I had to work hard for my grades. It always felt like her natural ability outshone any effort I made so I ended up stopping making the effort.

Oh yeah, and if you are going to commit to the time and financial outlay for her, she needs to demonstrate her commitment by attending practise etc as Pp's have said.